Going to separate churches is it ok?

[Bella Vita]

So there is a married couple that my husband and I are friends with. They attend separate churches on a regular basis because of their families before they were married. I understand wanting to be loyal to your families but they are married now they need to separate from their parents and make their own way. But when my husband and I try to tell them that the family especially spouses should not be divided on church they don't understand. A family should worship together as one unit they should seek answers through church together, fellowship together, get help together. Everything should be done together otherwise the devil can get a foothold on that situation and take advantage then it could become a competition of my church is better than yours ect. All kinds of things could come up a couple should be together and have God in their relationship on the same level.

Christians should marry other Christians and they should attend the same church together on a regular basis. So that they know what is going in each others spiritual lives always and can build each other up and grow together.

What are your thoughts on this? What is your advice for us to give them? Is there any scripture on this topic?

 

[plmarquette]

as long as go some where and agree where the kids can will go...
as long as hear faith, hope, love, Jesus....
at some point, parents might understand it is better to be in agreement and together that to remain in the denominational framework

 

[heron]

All those things sound good, but they are sub-cultural opinions. I have no problem with couples attending different churches, and have done that from time to time --especially during transitions.

Everything should be done together

Do you have a solid reason?

When a couple is first married they will probably feel like this. And I know a few elderly couples that do everything together. But it is critically important for each person to be able to live out their lives, with their own identities. If a marriage prevents them from being themselves, it can easily turn out detrimental. The marriage becomes the god in their lives.

Eventually one will say, "I used to play baseball" while the other whines, "I used to act in community plays," and both will feel like they have no time to pursue their own interests.

Similarly, one might feel devoted to liturgical worship while the other thrives at Charismatic services... and eventually one will feel like they have held their tongue too long.

Friends usually have no idea what goes on between a couple, and it is important to respect their ability to decide how their marriage operates, unless they are truly doing something unscriptural and harmful.

I can see what you're saying about leave-and-cleave though...there's a chance they are afraid of what their families will say.

 

[heron]

Luke 2:36
And there was a prophetess, Anna the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was advanced in years and had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and then as a widow to the age of eighty-four. She never left the temple, serving night and day with fastings and prayers.

Theologians interpret this different ways, but it seems to imply that she lived in the temple much of her adult life.

Many countries sent their men off to war for long amounts of time, married or not. People could be separated for years at a time.

People living off the land often need to scout out better territories to live. Groups of men will go out to find shelter, water, and animal herds. In more developed regions, they leave town to look for jobs.

People still do that -- training in branch offices overseas, making deals or managing manufacturing in other countries, going back to school in other countries... a few years from now you will find more of your friends doing things separately.

 

[EmilyF]

Are you asking what we really think or are you hoping that we'll agree with you?

I don't agree. Married couples are adults and they should be free to make decisions that aren't hurting anyone and aren't un-Biblical without judgement.

 

[BFine]

As long as they are in agreement and the separate church
attending isn't causing marital squabbles...I would leave the matter alone.
If you notice that the married couple aren't walking in unity(agreement)
then I would speak privately with them about the matter.

Do you know how long they have being going to separate churches?

 

[LilLamb219]

My husband and I go to different churches. I don't think it's your place to interfere personally...please don't take this post harshly as it's not meant to be that way.

 

[Bella Vita]

All those things sound good, but they are sub-cultural opinions. I have no problem with couples attending different churches, and have done that from time to time --especially during transitions.

Do you have a solid reason?

When a couple is first married they will probably feel like this. And I know a few elderly couples that do everything together. But it is critically important for each person to be able to live out their lives, with their own identities. If a marriage prevents them from being themselves, it can easily turn out detrimental. The marriage becomes the god in their lives.

Eventually one will say, "I used to play baseball" while the other whines, "I used to act in community plays," and both will feel like they have no time to pursue their own interests.

Similarly, one might feel devoted to liturgical worship while the other thrives at Charismatic services... and eventually one will feel like they have held their tongue too long.

Friends usually have no idea what goes on between a couple, and it is important to respect their ability to decide how their marriage operates, unless they are truly doing something unscriptural and harmful.

I can see what you're saying about leave-and-cleave though...there's a chance they are afraid of what their families will say.

No one said they can't persure their own interests or hobbies or go hang with their friends. But the one day or night a week that they go to church they should be together. God should bring you together in your marriage not apart and how are you to have a strong godly marriage when you are in separate sermons, separate small groups, you have separate church friends. Living as individuals is fine in somethings but not in everything and especially not spiritually. Living to much of a separate life from your spouse is a leading cause of divorce you need to have a good balance of both. But when they are coming before God to worship or serve it should be as one that is what their unity in marriage has made them as scripture tells us. A couple should also pray together and for each other as well.

 

[Bella Vita]

Are you asking what we really think or are you hoping that we'll agree with you?

I don't agree. Married couples are adults and they should be free to make decisions that aren't hurting anyone and aren't un-Biblical without judgement.

I don't want people to agree with me but I don't think it is biblical scripture tells us that God brings a couple together as one in marriage. Why would they live everything in their life together as one except when it comes to God and spiritually? That seems backwards to me that is one area where you should come together the most.

 

[Bella Vita]

I 100% agree with this Is it wrong for a Christian husband and wife to attend separate churches?

A husband and a wife attending separate churches is a situation that is more common than one might think. It’s also common for the children of such a couple to be divided between the two churches, thereby creating a rift in the family that is never healthy. In order to determine whether or not it is “wrong” for a husband and wife to attend separate churches, we must first look at marriage as a relationship instituted by God.

Genesis 2:24tells us God created man and woman to become “one flesh” when they marry, not two separate beings who go their own separate ways. There is a unity in marriage which is unique and holy. Moreover, marriage is the picture of Christ and His church (believers) as described in Ephesians 5:31-32. The marriage covenant between a man and a woman is symbolic of the covenant between Christ and those for whom He died. His is an everlasting covenant and one that is holy and sacred, just as marriage is to be holy, sacred and unbroken. This unity of two people into one reaches its most sacred in the spiritual realm, where the two are to be of one mind regarding the basic doctrines of Christianity – God, Christ, sin, salvation, heaven/hell, etc. This unity of understanding through the ministry of the Holy Spirit unites a husband and wife in a bond unlike any other on earth.

While it’s possible for a husband and wife to have differing tastes as far as music, preaching or worship styles, children’s programs, etc., none of these things are significant enough to break up the family into two parts so they can attend different churches based on tastes. It is clear that if both churches are Bible-based and Christ-honoring, there is no reason why one spouse can’t bend a little and put his/her personal preferences aside. An even better alternative is for the couple to join together to seek a church where the Word of God is preached as the only guide for faith and practice, where the entire family can learn the true gospel of Jesus Christ, and where the family can fellowship with like-minded believers. In this, the husband, as the spiritual head of the family, should take the lead and make the final decision, lovingly taking his wife’s input into consideration.

Sadly, the two-church family most often crops up in marriages where one spouse was raised Roman Catholic and the other was raised in a Protestant denomination. In situations such as these, it would have been wise for the couple not to marry. Please read the following article: Should Christians of different denominations date or marry? If a marriage has already taken place, the couple should strive for spiritual unity. Two people entrenched in their different doctrinal positions often find it very difficult to compromise and reconcile, but with God, all things are possible. A couple in such a situation may be forced to attend different churches, especially if one or both spouses consider the other spouse's beliefs to be unbiblical. In such a situation, both spouses should commit to praying that truth be revealed and spiritual unity be achieved.

These doctrinal conflicts must be resolved in a family before true unity can be achieved. A couple attending different churches must be willing to hold everything they are taught up to the light of Scripture and be ready to discard anything that is contradicted by the Bible. They must “test all things and hold fast to that which is true” (1 Thessalonians 5:21).

 

[LilLamb219]

Whether you think it's right or wrong...why do you think it's your place to tell them what to do in their marriage as unsolicited advice?

 

[Bella Vita]

Whether you think it's right or wrong...why do you think it's your place to tell them what to do in their marriage as unsolicited advice?

Because they are our friends and we hold each other accountable as such. I believe that it is unbiblical, goes against scripture, and makes for an unhealthy Christian marriage. Everything I have read on the subject has said that it is healthy for a Christian couple to attend church together rather than apart.

Obviously they are going to do what they want but eventually I think it will catch up to them and they may need to re-evaluate the situation.

 

[paul1149]

Going to separate churches is far less than ideal, and yet it - or worse - happens all the time. Can they not see how spiritual growth through mutual church experiences could bring them together, or do they see it but there are impediments holding them back? If you understand what the underlying cause is, you'll have a better chance to help them more effectively.

 

[Bella Vita]

Going to separate churches is far less than ideal, and yet it - or worse - happens all the time. Can they not see how spiritual growth through mutual church experiences could bring them together, or do they see it but there are impediments holding them back? If you understand what the underlying cause is, you'll have a better chance to help them more effectively.

Well they just have different tastes as far as preaching and music styles go. But marriage is all about compromise and the husband should be the leader they should talk about it. But ultimately he should make the final choice for what is best for his family and the wife should respect that choice. They don't seem to get that they will be much stronger for the kingdom working together than apart that is why God brought them together in marriage in the first place.

I don't know they don't seem to see anything wrong with it because they are actually in it were I am on the outside looking in type of thing. None of this is out of spite we really do love and care about them. =[

 

[paul1149]

I guess then that they will have to work that out, their way, their time. You can be an example, and depending on how open they are, maybe mention things from going to one church that have helped you. And you can pray as Holy Spirit leads.

 

[Boidae]

I agree with you Bella as it is hard to be a spiritual leader in the home when the one you are to lead is getting different teachings that may contradict what you're teaching at home as I have been there.

Heard something interesting today that was spoken by Tony Evans. The husband is supposed to be the one that the wife goes to first with questions in regards to spiritual things. the husband is supposed to be a pastor in his home and if the wife is needing to go to her pastor too often, that the husband isn't doing his job.

the question then becomes, if the wife is going to a different church and is learning something that is different then what the husband is learning and the wife doesn't want to hear what the husband is teaching, how is it that the husband isn't doing his job?

To me this is why husbands and wives should be going to the same church. I was convicted by the Holy Spirit when my wife wanted to attend a different church than me. We were to be in the same church and that I as to find that church home for us.

Thankfully, I have done just that.

 

[Bella Vita]

I agree with you Bella as it is hard to be a spiritual leader in the home when the one you are to lead is getting different teachings that may contradict what you're teaching at home as I have been there.

Heard something interesting today that was spoken by Tony Evans. The husband is supposed to be the one that the wife goes to first with questions in regards to spiritual things. the husband is supposed to be a pastor in his home and if the wife is needing to go to her pastor too often, that the husband isn't doing his job.

the question then becomes, if the wife is going to a different church and is learning something that is different then what the husband is learning and the wife doesn't want to hear what the husband is teaching, how is it that the husband isn't doing his job?

To me this is why husbands and wives should be going to the same church. I was convicted by the Holy Spirit when my wife wanted to attend a different church than me. We were to be in the same church and that I as to find that church home for us.

Thankfully, I have done just that.

Exactly my thinking...I am glade you could get this issue resolved in your own family while still being one in unity. =]

 

[Bella Vita]

As long as they are in agreement and the separate church
attending isn't causing marital squabbles...I would leave the matter alone.
If you notice that the married couple aren't walking in unity(agreement)
then I would speak privately with them about the matter.

Do you know how long they have being going to separate churches?

For almost 2 years now

 

[Johnnz]

Take away the 'spiritual leader' role (not really that biblical anyway in my books) and, while somewhat unusual, good communication and relationship it could work for them. Time will ensure some re-evaluation takes place.

John
NZ

 

[Hospes]

For what it's worth, I'm with you, Bella.

Loving Christians by warning them of the consequences of their actions is part of what we are called to and it seems that is what you are doing. I'd add that your friend's husband needs to take the lead by first considering his wife's desires, considering other implications of which church to attend, and then set a direction.