Hi everyone,
I'm pretty new to these boards, and feel kind of silly posting my problems here. Anyway, for two years I have been with the love of my life. Well, up until about two months ago. I've never felt anything so wonderful as what we had together. We both live in California, but she occassionally has to make quite lengthy trips back to Minnesota (where she's from). She had to go away for three months after we had been dating for about 6 months. It was very hard, but we loved each other so much and made it through a long time apart. When she got back it was the most wonderful thing. Every second of every day was just so full of joy. Now I am pretty sure that all the problems we are now facing are my fault. While I always told her that I loved her and tried to always do what was right, I became selfish. I ended up taking her for granted. I didn't make sure she went to sleep each night secure in knowing that I loved her and was always there for her, and all of those things that everyone deserves to go to bed each night knowing. Now, about two months ago she told me she had to go away again, but she didn't know for how long. It could be another few months like last time, or more than a year. She said she couldn't handle a long distance relationship and that we were better of not being in a relationship while she was gone. This is the last thing I wanted, but I agreed because I wanted to do whatever would make a hard situation easier on her. A few weeks before she left I finally told her that I didn't think it was right for us to set aside something as wonderful as what we had. She was firm in her idea that we should not be together while she was gone. She said she didn't want me to waste my time on her, and that we might be able to be together whenever she comes back, but nothing certain. I know that if I had always been more loving to her, this would all be different. I was never abusive to her, and I never cheated on her or anything like that, but I just didn't pay enough attention to her feelings and needs. She left last Friday. She has become so cold and depressed it's tearing me apart. Last night I was able to talk to her for a long time. I told her everything I was feeling. I really apologized for the mistakes I had made, and told her what I've learned. She used to always believe we were soulmates (something I really still believe), and now she doesn't even believe in soulmates. I'm praying for her to have the strength to overcome the struggles in her life. I know that if we are soulmates we will be together.
I did a really bad job explaining this situation, but I just needed to get it out somehow. These last few months have been so sad and agonizing for me. I'm in constant pain because I know I did something that hurt the person I loved most, and now things are a complete mess. I miss her so much, and still love her with all my heart. Thanks for reading all of that.
I'm pretty new to these boards, and feel kind of silly posting my problems here. Anyway, for two years I have been with the love of my life. Well, up until about two months ago. I've never felt anything so wonderful as what we had together. We both live in California, but she occassionally has to make quite lengthy trips back to Minnesota (where she's from). She had to go away for three months after we had been dating for about 6 months. It was very hard, but we loved each other so much and made it through a long time apart. When she got back it was the most wonderful thing. Every second of every day was just so full of joy. Now I am pretty sure that all the problems we are now facing are my fault. While I always told her that I loved her and tried to always do what was right, I became selfish. I ended up taking her for granted. I didn't make sure she went to sleep each night secure in knowing that I loved her and was always there for her, and all of those things that everyone deserves to go to bed each night knowing. Now, about two months ago she told me she had to go away again, but she didn't know for how long. It could be another few months like last time, or more than a year. She said she couldn't handle a long distance relationship and that we were better of not being in a relationship while she was gone. This is the last thing I wanted, but I agreed because I wanted to do whatever would make a hard situation easier on her. A few weeks before she left I finally told her that I didn't think it was right for us to set aside something as wonderful as what we had. She was firm in her idea that we should not be together while she was gone. She said she didn't want me to waste my time on her, and that we might be able to be together whenever she comes back, but nothing certain. I know that if I had always been more loving to her, this would all be different. I was never abusive to her, and I never cheated on her or anything like that, but I just didn't pay enough attention to her feelings and needs. She left last Friday. She has become so cold and depressed it's tearing me apart. Last night I was able to talk to her for a long time. I told her everything I was feeling. I really apologized for the mistakes I had made, and told her what I've learned. She used to always believe we were soulmates (something I really still believe), and now she doesn't even believe in soulmates. I'm praying for her to have the strength to overcome the struggles in her life. I know that if we are soulmates we will be together.
I did a really bad job explaining this situation, but I just needed to get it out somehow. These last few months have been so sad and agonizing for me. I'm in constant pain because I know I did something that hurt the person I loved most, and now things are a complete mess. I miss her so much, and still love her with all my heart. Thanks for reading all of that.
