God might not want me to have assurance of salvation

[Bob8102]

I wonder if God cannot allow me to have assurance of salvation, because He knows I will abuse it.

I can be as sure as I'm a foot high that I am a Christian one day, then as sure as I'm a foot high that I'm not a Christian the next. My pattern of faith and doubt is exactly as described by Grantley Morris in his webpages for Christians with OCD and scrupulosity.

Take, for instance, yesterday versus today. Yesterday, I became sure I had given my life to Christ. Then I made up my own sort of song or chant, sung to the tune of "Hot blooded!" It goes, "Rock solid! He hangs on to us!"

Today, I began having enough doubt that I broke off from my morning prayers to post this.

I desperately seek the "moment of salvation." I want to know my sins are forgiven, to know I have passed from death to life. In Acts, it says the Philippian jailer 'rejoiced that he had believed in God with his whole household.' I tend to seek this moment of rejoicing that he experienced, and to never have the joy taken from me, after that. But this eludes me.

Jesus told the paralytic who was dropped in front of Him, "Your sins are forgiven." He told the woman who poured the flask of fragrant oil on His feet, "Your faith has saved you." I would love to be as sure as those two people were, of salvation.

But maybe God knows that if I had assurance, I would then go off in my own direction, ignoring Him, not concerning myself with being in His will. In fact, that tendency of mine is not only a good reason for God to withhold assurance from me, it is a good reason to think I am not a Christian, altogether.

I have a book by pastor J.D. Greear called, "Stop Asking Jesus Into Your Heart: How to Know for Sure You Are Saved." He says that by the time he was eighteen, he had asked Jesus into his heart 5,000 times. He says that there would be moments in which he 'thought he got it right.' This would be followed by euphoria. Then, the euphoria would fade as he began to question his salvation/commitment. J.D. says he has OCD tendencies. His pattern also reflects that described by Grantley Morris.

J.D. says he got assurance one night while reading Luther's commentary on Romans 10:9-10. This is where it says if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus, and believe in your heart that He was raised from the dead, you will be saved. Dr. Manford George Gutzke, a famous Christian speaker who has now passed on, said he got assurance from these same two verses. I have gone over these verses a number of times. They do not have the same effect on me: the effect of giving me assurance.

J.D. says now, after that night, doubts still sometimes come to him. He says that when that happens, he does not look back to that night or to any other time when he asked Jesus in. He says he looks back 2,000 years to Calvary and to what Christ accomplished there. He ends his book with this quote from Jesus: "It is finished!"

This morning, I was continuing my little ditty, "Rock solid! He hangs onto us!" But like I said, by the time I had gotten into my normally scheduled morning prayers (scheduled for times when I think I am saved), doubts began to assail me. Grantley says that Christians with OCD who keep doubting their salvation need to, besides prayer and fellowship with God, keep going back to his (Grantley's) webpages about OCD, anxiety disorders, etc. I plan on doing that, after my morning prayers. But when I'm doubting my salvation, I drop all plans/activities/schedules, including prayers for others (which are almost all my scheduled prayers), and return to seeking salvation, full time. So this morning, I have to decide how sure I am of salvation, before proceeding with anything else.

Like I said, I have to wonder if God withholds assurance from me because I will wander away from Him if I have it. Or does He withhold assurance from me because I am not actually saved?

 

[Sanoy]

Consider it a proposition.

"IF I don't pay my taxes then I will go to jail".​

Is there any OCD about this statement? or any doubt?

Consider the reverse proposition.

"IF I do pay my taxes then I will not go to jail for not paying my taxes".
​

Now the OCD shows up yes?

The first proposition is about trusting the IRS, the second is about trusting yourself. That is why one gives you OCD and the other does not. So lets try leading the proposition like this.

IF I don't give myself to Christ, then I will die in my sin, but IF I do give myself to Christ, then I will be forgiven and live, Lord I give my life to you.

 

[Aussie Pete]

I wonder if God cannot allow me to have assurance of salvation, because He knows I will abuse it.

I can be as sure as I'm a foot high that I am a Christian one day, then as sure as I'm a foot high that I'm not a Christian the next. My pattern of faith and doubt is exactly as described by Grantley Morris in his webpages for Christians with OCD and scrupulosity.

Take, for instance, yesterday versus today. Yesterday, I became sure I had given my life to Christ. Then I made up my own sort of song or chant, sung to the tune of "Hot blooded!" It goes, "Rock solid! He hangs on to us!"

Today, I began having enough doubt that I broke off from my morning prayers to post this.

I desperately seek the "moment of salvation." I want to know my sins are forgiven, to know I have passed from death to life. In Acts, it says the Philippian jailer 'rejoiced that he had believed in God with his whole household.' I tend to seek this moment of rejoicing that he experienced, and to never have the joy taken from me, after that. But this eludes me.

Jesus told the paralytic who was dropped in front of Him, "Your sins are forgiven." He told the woman who poured the flask of fragrant oil on His feet, "Your faith has saved you." I would love to be as sure as those two people were, of salvation.

But maybe God knows that if I had assurance, I would then go off in my own direction, ignoring Him, not concerning myself with being in His will. In fact, that tendency of mine is not only a good reason for God to withhold assurance from me, it is a good reason to think I am not a Christian, altogether.

I have a book by pastor J.D. Greear called, "Stop Asking Jesus Into Your Heart: How to Know for Sure You Are Saved." He says that by the time he was eighteen, he had asked Jesus into his heart 5,000 times. He says that there would be moments in which he 'thought he got it right.' This would be followed by euphoria. Then, the euphoria would fade as he began to question his salvation/commitment. J.D. says he has OCD tendencies. His pattern also reflects that described by Grantley Morris.

J.D. says he got assurance one night while reading Luther's commentary on Romans 10:9-10. This is where it says if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus, and believe in your heart that He was raised from the dead, you will be saved. Dr. Manford George Gutzke, a famous Christian speaker who has now passed on, said he got assurance from these same two verses. I have gone over these verses a number of times. They do not have the same effect on me: the effect of giving me assurance.

J.D. says now, after that night, doubts still sometimes come to him. He says that when that happens, he does not look back to that night or to any other time when he asked Jesus in. He says he looks back 2,000 years to Calvary and to what Christ accomplished there. He ends his book with this quote from Jesus: "It is finished!"

This morning, I was continuing my little ditty, "Rock solid! He hangs onto us!" But like I said, by the time I had gotten into my normally scheduled morning prayers (scheduled for times when I think I am saved), doubts began to assail me. Grantley says that Christians with OCD who keep doubting their salvation need to, besides prayer and fellowship with God, keep going back to his (Grantley's) webpages about OCD, anxiety disorders, etc. I plan on doing that, after my morning prayers. But when I'm doubting my salvation, I drop all plans/activities/schedules, including prayers for others (which are almost all my scheduled prayers), and return to seeking salvation, full time. So this morning, I have to decide how sure I am of salvation, before proceeding with anything else.

Like I said, I have to wonder if God withholds assurance from me because I will wander away from Him if I have it. Or does He withhold assurance from me because I am not actually saved?

Before I was saved, I had no doubt that I was a Christian. I was born in England, so that settled it. After I was born again, the doubts began. I based my confidence on my experience, how I felt after I was saved and my change of heart over many issues. What I experienced was real, but it is a flimsy foundation when Satan is attacking. Certainty came when I began to base my testimony on what Lord Jesus had done for me at Calvary. Any other basis can be attacked. If I sinned, Satan would tell me that I had not changed. If I felt down, Satan would ask me what happened to my joy. Joy is the fruit of the Spirit. No joy, no Spirit. And on and on.

When I began to confess with my mouth the Lord Jesus, and maintain belief that God raised Him from the dead, my heart entered into it. If I looked at myself and my failings, I got depressed. I became weak and unable to resist accusations. The Word tells us to "Fix our thoughts on Jesus" (Hebrews 3:1)
Some day we have to choose who to believe. Do we trust thoughts, feelings, our history, experiences or what other people say about us? Or do we trust the Word of God. If someone wants to take away my salvation, they will have to go back in time and stop Lord Jesus dying in my place. Too late for that!

 

[Bob8102]

Aussie Pete says that the Word tells us to fix our thoughts on Jesus. It seems to me I can only do this for a moment at a time. I'll think I "look up" to Jesus, only to look back down at myself the next moment. Looking at Jesus for only a moment at a time makes me think of II Timothy 3, which says that in the last days, men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying the power thereof, mockers of God. To look at Jesus for a second, then look away especially seems to mean that I am a mocker of God. But I do this over and over.

I once told a Christian friend that I tend to only look at Jesus for a second. He said, then try to look at Jesus for two seconds. But I see this lack of concentration on Jesus as a failing on my part; two seconds is no better than one second. Why can't/don't I look steadily at Jesus? Seeing that I am looking to Him for only a second at a time makes me think there is something fundamentally wrong with me that I need to change. It's as if I need to change something in myself, to make me gaze at Jesus steadily. So I look at myself to affect this change, and it does not occur.

 

[Bob8102]

And...this pattern of a moment of looking at Jesus reminds me of a guy whom I've mentioned before, named Josh, whom I call "Josh-in-the-woods." He also has OCD. He said that, for a time in his life, he would give his life to Christ, then the very next second decide that since he was now OK with Jesus, he was just going to live/do as he wanted. He said after this got repeated some number of times, he finally reached the point where all he could do, eight hours a day, was walk through the woods, saying, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" Later, he went to a Christian psychiatrist and starting taking meds, and normalized.

Did Josh subconsciously preplan to give His life to Christ for only a second, then turn away? Do I subconsciously preplan the same thing? This would not only make me a mocker of God, but may mean that I cannot be saved. If I don't keep steadily looking up at and obeying Jesus, I do keep steadily seeking to become His and start all over again from scratch, over and over. Josh-in-the-woods kept repeating, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" I sometimes repeat that a bit, but mostly say/do other things in trying to turn my life over to Him.

One of the ways I have tried to give my life to Christ is to say to Jesus, "What if I get down and beg you for your mercy?" But this never leads to the impression that I become His. I also try, among other approaches, to do what the tax collector did in Jesus' parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector. The tax collector cried out, "God, be merciful to me, a sinner!" Jesus said of him, "I tell you, his man went down to his house justified..." I, too, want to "go down to my house, justified." But I always get the impression that I am not really repenting. Jesus can't have mercy on a sinner who won't repent.

Yesterday, I was sure I had given my life to Christ, sure all day. I used to write down the date and time I gave my life to Christ, as suggested by a couple of Christians, including Bill Gothard. I have lots of dates written down. But I have discovered that there is no assurance in looking back to a previous date. When I am doubting, I just start seeking to give Him my life all over again.

 

[Aussie Pete]

Aussie Pete says that the Word tells us to fix our thoughts on Jesus. It seems to me I can only do this for a moment at a time. I'll think I "look up" to Jesus, only to look back down at myself the next moment. Looking at Jesus for only a moment at a time makes me think of II Timothy 3, which says that in the last days, men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying the power thereof, mockers of God. To look at Jesus for a second, then look away especially seems to mean that I am a mocker of God. But I do this over and over.

I once told a Christian friend that I tend to only look at Jesus for a second. He said, then try to look at Jesus for two seconds. But I see this lack of concentration on Jesus as a failing on my part; two seconds is no better than one second. Why can't/don't I look steadily at Jesus? Seeing that I am looking to Him for only a second at a time makes me think there is something fundamentally wrong with me that I need to change. It's as if I need to change something in myself, to make me gaze at Jesus steadily. So I look at myself to affect this change, and it does not occur.

You need to get a copy of "War on the Saints". Your mind belongs to you. You should be free to think whatever you choose. Your mind is being manipulated by Satan.

"We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ..." 2 Corinthians 10:5

The thoughts that are against your will are injected by evil spirits. Command them to release your mind. You need to push those thoughts out with the exercise of your will. Declare something like "I choose to have a free mind." Say it out loud. Be relentless. "Every thought..." We need a renewed mind (Romans 12:2). That is not possible while our minds are under attack. Our initial aim is a free mind.

It is like an enemy has infiltrated a country. There was no one watching, and they just snuck in. Then they conduct raids, capturing more and more territory. Eventually they control everything. The ridiculous thing about all this is that the enemy has no right to be there and can be easily driven out. Satan has no power over you except what you give him. Lord Jesus defeated Satan at the cross. He gave us all His power and authority to enforce that victory.

We do not get in trouble overnight and we won't get free overnight. But we can start right now. Don't let the devil trick you into giving up. It may even get worse before it gets better. It's like a drunk resisting arrest, arms swinging and struggling to get away. No hope! Lord Jesus has already won the victory.

Merry Christmas, by the way. We get to go first in this part of the world!

 

[crossnote]

If you have been born again, remember God doesn't do abortions but brings us to full term.