Glad I can laugh

[amused]

This is the first thread I have started. I thought I would go for it seeing as this past week has been quite hard. Its just the same old dealing with depression unmedicated. I thought I would just talk about how I can laugh when I want to die.

I have a good support structure. A handful of best mates who are there for me. People who I can call and say hey I want to die, and they will say crap hey! then we will laugh, its so strange but it really helps to be able to say to someone I want to die and be ok with that.

I dont know how many other people have this or maybe you feel like I am so out of line, I can only speak of my own experience. I was just wondering if anyone out there has the same experience as me? I know its my brain being funky and I know I am not being rational so I am ok, I am ok with being so low and so crazy. I include God in it all and chat to him all the time, Oh I dont know. How do you guys deal with it?

cheers

 

[PrairieGurl]

Hi Amused, (I like your username )

First, because curiosity is such a major part of me, why are you 'dealing' with depression unmedicated? No need to answer...just something I was wondering about.

Second...laughter is the best medicine! (Second only to music)
Depending on the 'depth' of my depression...I do find laughter is a part of it. I come from a family who laugh till the house windows shake and we're known to have a 'sick' sense of humor (not in the disgusting way)

I have a very dear friend (who's more like a soul mate) and my two sisters who I can tell 95% of anything that's happening in my life or what I'm feeling...we do usually end up laughing due to the fact you can only cry so much. I find there is always three choices I have....

• Totally freak out
• Cry till my eyes feel like they're going to pop out
• Or laugh till my side hurts

s & s,
Wendy

 

[amused]

Thanks so much for your reply. I had full on intended to get back on here and delete my post because I thought it was too much and maybe I am just crazy for being able to laugh sometimes. Some of the things I think in my head at times really isnt very good, but I know that deep within myself and I can make a joke out of it and it works for me.

I feel pretty stupid right now for writing this in here. I almost want to apologise to anyone who may have read it. The last thing I wanted to do is offend anyone. But then I thought about it and this is who I am and how I deal with it and this is a forum and well there I go. (Obviosuly I think entirely too much).

I know depression isnt a laughing matter at all. I still cry till I am numb, then I sit and stare and feel like I am rocking and twitching and that maybe I should go and institutionalise myself, but somehow out of that I have a sense of humour.

The reason why i dont go and get medication is pretty much coz I dont want to, but I do want to. I have been on only two of them in the past 8 years. I only lasted 3 months on the first one. It made me feel worse. So I stopped taking them and went back a year later when I didnt think I could convince myself to not do anything my family would regret.

I walked back in and the doc remembered who I was and she said she had wondered about me etc. So I told her what was going on, broke down, convinced her I wasnt going to harm myself and she told me that some medications dont work for some. That we have to find the right one. So I started taking a different one and it worked. I took it for about 6 months and after 3 or so I could get out of bed in the morning. I was amazed that I actually got up and wanted to be alive.

Now here comes the ever popular "I'm better now I dont need them" speach. So I am not too good at taking tablets I forget alot. I felt so much better and even on doctors advice that i should stay on the for a couple of years and she would reevaluate and help me come off them etc. I stopped them.

This is ending up being a very long post lol. So anyway I went back on them briefly about 2 years ago but I was just so tired all the time. It was strange that it hit me so hard. So I stopped going to uni and stopped taking the medication and decided to take some time to write some more songs (music definately is a great outlet for me) I am a musician so that helps alot, I have a great sense of humour, I have a great support structure and my hubby and my kids are fanfreakentastic! So I guess I just crawl through the mud when I have to.

I do want to go back on medication because it gets really hard at times and realistically I know if I find the right one life will be so much better for me. I know I should but I dont go. I so dont take my own advice ARGH!

Anyway thanks again for your reply, it really made my day that someone could read it and know where I am coming from. I was so stressing. I had such a brain squeeze! Thanks so much. YOU ROCK!!!

cheers

 

[Amin]

I never gave any thought about how i deal with it. I guess i feel like i have to keep running to keep one step ahead of it, and yet when i turn around, there it is.
I know there's a life out there beyond depression, i guess i just don't know where it is. I'm looking for that life, but i think with each step i take looking for it, i get one step farther away from Christ. It Isn't much fun.
Chuck.

 

[Eleemon]

I've said before that the deeper I sink into the depression, the more amusing I get -- in my mind anyway. And a very dark humor it is! But it helps me to cope. I definitely understand where you're coming from.

 

[amused]

Thanks for your replies. I really feel for you Amin. I know it feels like you take a step away from Christ but I know from experience that God walks with us. We can include him in everything no matter what we are feeling or what we do to try and make ourselves feel better.

What really has helped me is realising that we can go to God as we are. We dont have to sugarcoat ourselves to make God happy because he sees us, our inner most being and he loves us so much. There is no where we can run or tread, HIs love for us doesnt waver. I know I can go to God and swear, cry scream, want to die, want to throw it all back in His face and He meets me where I am at.

I hope you can find some sort of peace in knowing that He loves you no matter what and even if church institutions dont extend the grace you need to get through, that God does. No matter what you do in this life, God understands and forgives. Am praying for ya dude.

Ok I have just read through all that and I hope it doesnt sound all so condesending or anything. I am far from one of those well meaning got an answer for everything lovey dovey people who have really no clue. I know its hard and I know how much it sucks. This is just my experience, it took me a while to be ok with it but there is definately a freedom I can walk in allbeit not as often as I would like.

cheers

 

[amused]

Hey Eleemon, its sounds like you me and wanttobe would have a lot of fun hanging out! Thanks for your reply its nice to know that I am not the only one haha. Maybe we should write a book or a movie script or something with some stuff we have been through. I reckon we would almost wet ourselves from laughing. Dark cheeky humour is cool I love it!

cheers

 

[Amin]

Hey Eleemon, its sounds like you me and wanttobe would have a lot of fun hanging out! Thanks for your reply its nice to know that I am not the only one haha. Maybe we should write a book or a movie script or something with some stuff we have been through. I reckon we would almost wet ourselves from laughing. Dark cheeky humour is cool I love it!

cheers

Hi, Ya know, the more i think of it, it is funny. I can do strange things and get away with it. I almost wish i had it when i was a kid. I'd have gotten away with a lot more than i did. Ha Ha Ha .

 

[Amin]

Thanks for your replies. I really feel for you Amin. I know it feels like you take a step away from Christ but I know from experience that God walks with us. We can include him in everything no matter what we are feeling or what we do to try and make ourselves feel better.

What really has helped me is realising that we can go to God as we are. We dont have to sugarcoat ourselves to make God happy because he sees us, our inner most being and he loves us so much. There is no where we can run or tread, HIs love for us doesnt waver. I know I can go to God and swear, cry scream, want to die, want to throw it all back in His face and He meets me where I am at.

I hope you can find some sort of peace in knowing that He loves you no matter what and even if church institutions dont extend the grace you need to get through, that God does. No matter what you do in this life, God understands and forgives. Am praying for ya dude.

Ok I have just read through all that and I hope it doesnt sound all so condesending or anything. I am far from one of those well meaning got an answer for everything lovey dovey people who have really no clue. I know its hard and I know how much it sucks. This is just my experience, it took me a while to be ok with it but there is definately a freedom I can walk in allbeit not as often as I would like.

cheers

I find nothing at all condesending in your post.
I'm okay with it. Thanks

 

[amused]

Sweet and phew!

cheers

 

[Amin]

Sweet and phew!

cheers

I think you'll find it takes a lot to cause me to have bad feelings against anyone. I'm like you. I'd rather be listening to or writing songs.
You know what they say; Music can soothe the savage beast.
Chuck.

 

[amused]

Yeah thats so cool! Hey I have a really deep and important question for ya............ you might want to sit down.............................. Ok here it is. How the flying snot did you get your guitar in front of you in your pic like that? hahahahaha. I really wanted the guitar in front of me too lol but I can barely make out that there is a guitar behind me at all. These deep and meaningful questions and more I am sure will be asked in the furture lol

 

[inHisgripkim]

You know, since winter is in the air now my energy level has slowed. I, with medication, still have low days, but when I get out in the sun and make my store runs, I end up chatting and laughing with people whom I never met before. Laughing is such a blessing and it just lights my soul up no matter how depressed or low I get.

The tendency I have is to isolate and so I won't alow myself to for any great length of time. I force myself out of the house. My greatest love is to make people smile and laugh. So to get out and do that is my lift up.

Keep up the laughter. Sing a hymn or whistle a hymn. I was doing that today at Walgreens. I was whistling down the isles and dancing to the music playing in the store. I felt pretty darn good. Even started laughing at myself for dancing and whistling down the isles. Big change from waking up feeling unmotivated and yuck.

Now, I'm here on the CF and chuckling. Shall I chuckle myself to sleep tonight?

Love to all,
Kim

​

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[redman7353]

I can relate to you. I actually have a best friend with whom we went through some tough times together...and I mean tough. We struggled through depression together and, well, about two months ago I called him and said, "Hey, I want to die." You know what he said? "Hey me too!" It was awkward but we laughed about it and shared our problems and eventually forgot about how miserable we were. Anyways because of him and a few other things, I'm doing better now! Hope the same goes for you

Keep on laughing!

 

[amused]

Thats cool kim, I hope you did.

Thats exactly what my friends are like redman. Thats so cool that you completely get where I was coming from. I had a laugh when you said that. Thanks mate, I hope you keep having better days

cheers

 

[PrairieGurl]

Yeah thats so cool! Hey I have a really deep and important question for ya............ you might want to sit down.............................. Ok here it is. How the flying snot did you get your guitar in front of you in your pic like that? hahahahaha. I really wanted the guitar in front of me too lol but I can barely make out that there is a guitar behind me at all. These deep and meaningful questions and more I am sure will be asked in the furture lol

Wow...I'm so glad I was sittin down when I read this!

You get the guitar in front of your character (I'd say in front of you...but I can just imagine your comeback )
by making it the third special item you choose.

Now for my 'deep & meaningful' question...do you wear those styling clothes in real life???

PS...do you know any 'slinkies'

With Love,
your lmao sis

 

[Amin]

Yeah thats so cool! Hey I have a really deep and important question for ya............ you might want to sit down.............................. Ok here it is. How the flying snot did you get your guitar in front of you in your pic like that? hahahahaha. I really wanted the guitar in front of me too lol but I can barely make out that there is a guitar behind me at all. These deep and meaningful questions and more I am sure will be asked in the furture lol

It's like wanttobe said, make it the last item you put on.
Chuck.

 

[amused]

Thanks beautiful people! It worked woohoo!

Yeah pretty much, I have those sneakers, I went a bit converse mad at a fanfreakentastic shoe store. I bought red, orange, and yellow ones. I love them! I have purple pants and many a black shirt. Thats pretty much me although I usually wear jeans rather than my purple pants. Next gig we do (which is a fair while away) I will have to wear my purple pants and red sneakers and a black shirt and then post a photo somewhere hahaha.

Unlike my pic here I am bigger than that. When I first made the character I was looking for a larger body type but didnt find one lmao. (Although am working on changing that lol. I wear glasses but they are a bit squarer than those and I have an eyebrow piercing above my left eye. Apart from that I have alot of freckles too.

If some slinkies are noodles and all noodles are slinkies does this make for a bit of a silly question????

I knew a slinkie once. A great slinkie actually, but then it got stretched out by my youngest and knotted and it had to retire, it is now called art in a sculpture form. It left our humble abode and is out there somewhere living its dream of being the best slinkie street performance artist

I am trying to search through my files in my brain and I have no idea what the slinkies you are talking about are lol. You might have to spell it out for me lol. Hang on I will go and check the net and see what it says lmao

Hey aparently slinkies are the same thing as skivvies here in aus, long sleeved neck choking figure hugging shirts. Nope dont have any of those lol.

Anyway ciao beautiful people

cheers

 

[Amin]

Thanks beautiful people! It worked woohoo!

Yeah pretty much, I have those sneakers, I went a bit converse mad at a fanfreakentastic shoe store. I bought red, orange, and yellow ones. I love them! I have purple pants and many a black shirt. Thats pretty much me although I usually wear jeans rather than my purple pants. Next gig we do (which is a fair while away) I will have to wear my purple pants and red sneakers and a black shirt and then post a photo somewhere hahaha.

Unlike my pic here I am bigger than that. When I first made the character I was looking for a larger body type but didnt find one lmao. (Although am working on changing that lol. I wear glasses but they are a bit squarer than those and I have an eyebrow piercing above my left eye. Apart from that I have alot of freckles too.

If some slinkies are noodles and all noodles are slinkies does this make for a bit of a silly question????

I knew a slinkie once. A great slinkie actually, but then it got stretched out by my youngest and knotted and it had to retire, it is now called art in a sculpture form. It left our humble abode and is out there somewhere living its dream of being the best slinkie street performance artist

I am trying to search through my files in my brain and I have no idea what the slinkies you are talking about are lol. You might have to spell it out for me lol. Hang on I will go and check the net and see what it says lmao

Hey aparently slinkies are the same thing as skivvies here in aus, long sleeved neck choking figure hugging shirts. Nope dont have any of those lol.

Anyway ciao beautiful people

cheers

Hey,
That looks pretty good in the front. I knew Jimi Hendrix could play guitar behind his back, but you really had me fooled.

 

[amused]

hahahaha they should have some how of making it look like I am playing with my teeth too lmao

cheers