Hi Equineartchick and others
Here is some information that I hope is helpful top you, and to any young Christian struggling with their past. Many young Christians find their past is still a big problem. This can lead to frustration and despair for many. Here are some insights I have gained over the years. What is happening when, in spite of all my desires, intentions and efforts I still cant alter past habits and sins? We need to understand a few things.
When we become a Christian we know that we are forgiven, and we want to put past behaviours behind us, yet they just stay there. Why doesnt God remove them, just take them away so I can get on with my Christian life? Unfortunately, past behaviour has left memories, associations and habits. God does not zap them, as they are part of our human reality now. This is why the just dont go away when you pray. God does not do brain surgery and neural reconstruction. We need to establish new habits and new experiences to replace and/or unlearn the old ones. This is a process, which Paul wrote about in Romans 12:2, of being transformed by the renewing of your minds.
How do we do this? The traditional answer is pray more, read the bible more, deflect your eyes, chose to not give in and so on. There is truth in this advice, but it fundamentally fails to root out some behaviours in spite of all such efforts we make. Then we begin to lose heart, to feel constantly guilty and a failure as a Christian. These words of Jesus begin to mock our experience Matt 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest . 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." NIV
Sexual experiences are often very resistant to change. The reason is quite simple. Many sins are exterior to us, things like lying, gossip, stealing etc. We can decide to stop them and generally we manage to do that. But sex is different in that we have a naturally active sex drive, which produces sexual thoughts and feelings for much o four lives. We cannot turn it off. As a result, many people often cannot distinguish between healthy, normal sexuality and what is wrong. Many Christians believe that sexual purity is being virtually asexual, and when any sexual feelings arise they immediately see failure before them. I dont want to deal with the issue of what is wholesome, legitimate sexuality at this stage. That will make things to complex for now. But it is a very important factor to recognise when desiring to change some things about your present sexual behaviours.
The pray more etc approach can so often boil down to a kind of salvation by works, of being saved by self effort and will power. Something else is needed. This can be summed up quite simply. We are not required to follow Christ more diligently. Instead, what we need to see is the Christian life s allowing Jesus to live His life through us. Its not as much what I do for him, but how I can co-operate with Him. This is the yoke that is not a heavy and burden to us. There is nothing worse than a cure that makes us even worse!
An illustration might help. See your life as a big castle with many rooms. Jesus has come through the front door when you first accepted him. Now, he wants to go through each room, one by one, and bring His Life and His light into it. Some rooms are pretty OK. Others are untidy and disorganised. There are some with locked doors that are dark and horrible looking. And there are dungeons, dark fearsome places where no one willingly goes.
You must allow Jesus to visit each room and rearrange it with His perfection. It will be a room-by-room, step-by-step process, but each step achieves something. Each door is locked, but they all have the same key, which is called repentance saying sorry. And all have a code which only you can use asking Jesus to come in. He never forcibly intrudes.
You struggle with sexual thoughts that you know are wrong. You have tried to put those thoughts out of your mind. But they would not go away, and soon you again experienced the sexual feelings that went with those thoughts. You struggle even harder for a while. Sometimes you win, other times you give in to them and feel both release and guilt.
You see, the heart of the Gospel is that God first changes our desires. He puts a new heart and a new Spirit within us, which is why we want to change. Then we take over and try so hard to be a good Christian. And fail. So step one is simple. Just admit that you are failing hopelessly.
Next, realise what Jesus accomplished on the cross. There, he took upon himself both your sins and the effects of others sins upon you, where they were all rendered powerless. What remains with you are the memories and associations, but not the spiritual obligation and control that existed before. Your old life was crucified with Christ, along with all your current failures. You are not cut off from God. If you were you would not be interested in changing. Stop seeing God as a hard taskmaster with a big stick ready for when you slip up again. See Him as a Father who picks up His child and embraces them with love and acceptance, then says Let me help you with this. Its far too big for you.
How do we do this? A thought goes through your mind. Just pray Lord Jesus, I dont want to think like that. I know why I do and Im sorry for what I have done before I knew you. I just give that thought to you and ask you to begin transforming my life and replacing what is wrong wit what is good and healthy. Thank you Lord Jesus. By doing this you are not trying to push down that thought, but you are asking Jesus to be there and allow His life to begin a transformation. This is a process, but as you allow Jesus to quietly work change begins.
Change also requires replacing the negative and wrong with the positive and healthy. Again, an illustration. If you had a choice of eating a piece of mouldy, stale bread, or a there course banquet which would you chose? So with sin. When we understand the healthy the unhealthy no loner appeals in the same way.
Prayer with others, people you can trust for wise counsel, a church where the teaching is positive and Christ centred, not guilt inducing or crisis centred when substance rather than vision and exhortation predominates are necessary too of course. One of the biggest barriers many young (and not so young too) Christians face is a lack of someone who you can confide in with some depth who remains supportive, non condemnatory and truly helpful.
I hope you can understand what I have been trying to say. Feel free to ask further questions either on the forum or with a PM.
May God richly bless all those who struggle with damaged pasts and active hormones.
John
NZ