Getting To Know People

[Bumble Bee]

Developing friendships has always been a weakness of mine. I don't know how to develop and maintain close relationships. Most of my closest friends are close because they took the initiative. Unfortunately, we all graduated and moved away. I have lived in the same place for a full year now, and I feel so alone. My church is amazing. I feel like I belong there. The pastor is great, and the service is wonderful. I'm involved in the childrens' ministry (although I am stepping back at the end of the month for personal reasons). The only problem is that I feel so awkward when I'm talking to people at the church. I can barely remember names, and I don't know how to carry a conversation or get to know them. I don't know what questions to ask. Adults intimidate me so much... even those my age and younger. I am scared to death to talk to them. How do you guys go about getting to know people?

 

[puregrl]

Meeting new people can be scary. I know that since i was young, I always did better in small groups and one on one situations. A question to ask yourself is why are you intimidated by adults and talking to them? When you figure the answer to this out then you may be able to solve the problem. I generally get to know others over a period of time, gradually opening up. But like I said, small groups and one on one situations are much less intimidating for me and I enjoy them better. Maybe find a group with common interests.

 

[Cute Tink]

Sometimes it helps to join a small group that shares an interest you have, a reading group for example. Since you have issues with approaching people already, I would avoid larger groups for now.

You said the Pastor at your church is great. Is he someone you could approach to ask about church groups that you might be interested in?

 

[Bumble Bee]

Meeting new people can be scary. I know that since i was young, I always did better in small groups and one on one situations. A question to ask yourself is why are you intimidated by adults and talking to them? When you figure the answer to this out then you may be able to solve the problem. I generally get to know others over a period of time, gradually opening up. But like I said, small groups and one on one situations are much less intimidating for me and I enjoy them better. Maybe find a group with common interests.

I am intimidated because I feel like I'm on a lower level than them. I feel like I don't have anything in common because I'm not married, my boyfriend is 8 hours away, and I don't have kids. I'm also new to the area so I don't know what people are talking about with the local news. Most adults think I'm a lot younger than I am, too, so they try to talk to me about school and laugh when I say I'm a teacher.

Sometimes it helps to join a small group that shares an interest you have, a reading group for example. Since you have issues with approaching people already, I would avoid larger groups for now.

You said the Pastor at your church is great. Is he someone you could approach to ask about church groups that you might be interested in?

I did ask him about church groups, and I was involved in a small group for a while. It ended for the summer, and I felt out of place being the youngest, only unmarried, and only one without kids. I related sometimes about the kids with the ones I teach, but as far as their potty training and marriage communication woes, I was at a loss. Everything I had to say seemed insignificant compared to them.

I also recently joined a book club and we meet once a month. That is a lot of fun to have something to talk about with people.... I wish it were more often!

 

[puregrl]

I am intimidated because I feel like I'm on a lower level than them. I feel like I don't have anything in common because I'm not married, my boyfriend is 8 hours away, and I don't have kids. I'm also new to the area so I don't know what people are talking about with the local news. Most adults think I'm a lot younger than I am, too, so they try to talk to me about school and laugh when I say I'm a teacher.

I can tell you that you are not on a lower level than anyone. Maybe you can find a singles or young professionals group. I know you are dating, but there were a lot of people in the church singles group that were dating as well when I was in one. Some people went for dating, i went to find friends. Ya, im not big on news either. Though thankfully not many people i am around actually talk about news, sometimes it is politics...of which i know little about as well. I dont think people would laugh because you are a teacher, but people tend to laugh to get rid of nervous energy ie) saying something wrong such as assuming you are in school.

 

[Verve]

Firstly, your title got this stuck in my head…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MNANgFCYpk

Secondly, I know how you feel. It really takes time to get to know a new group of people and it only seems to get more difficult with age.

What has worked for me is simply taking the time and letting people get comfortable.

If you're not being included in activities with your fellow volunteers or other people you've gotten close with at church they may think you have other things already planned.

We're almost 2 years at this church and it has gotten much better.

 

[Bumble Bee]

I can tell you that you are not on a lower level than anyone. Maybe you can find a singles or young professionals group. I know you are dating, but there were a lot of people in the church singles group that were dating as well when I was in one. Some people went for dating, i went to find friends. Ya, im not big on news either. Though thankfully not many people i am around actually talk about news, sometimes it is politics...of which i know little about as well. I dont think people would laugh because you are a teacher, but people tend to laugh to get rid of nervous energy ie) saying something wrong such as assuming you are in school.

Haha... I've actually had them laugh and say "a Sunday school teacher, yeah. You are too young to be a school teacher! What grade are you really in?"

 

[Owlette]

Hey Bumble!! I totally wish I would have seen this here sooner. I can really relate... I find it really hard to get to know people in my church too. Your church sounds a lot like my church... A lot of married couples and not any girls my age that I could become friends with. I feel pretty alone too.

How has it been going for you in the last couple weeks? Anybody making an effort to get to know you a little?

 

[puregrl]

Haha... I've actually had them laugh and say "a Sunday school teacher, yeah. You are too young to be a school teacher! What grade are you really in?"

Ya i get that problem...though the older you get the more exciting it is to hear you are young. Just the other day I had a lady at church try to put me in the room with the high school graduating class. I was like "ugh, i graduated ten years ago, im here to teach 3rd grade." My senior year in high school I had a teacher ask me if it was middle school visitation day. Believe me, it will become a blessing to look young. You just have to laugh with them =)

 

[gerbilwoman]

I struggle with this too. I am very isolated. Have been trying to meet people with similar interests.

 

[Owlette]

^Ahhh. Yeah that can be tough. What kinds of things are you into? Seems like a lot of things I'm into are independent types of hobbies that I can do on my own without other people. Makes it hard to meet people who share my interests.

 

[gerbilwoman]

I like painting and art, stamp collecting, rock and minerals, video games, computers, and board games. I have a lot of independent hobbies too. Used to go to a scrabble club and am taking an art class. Most of the people at these events are much older so it's been hard to meet people my age.

 

[Maka]

I like painting and art, stamp collecting, rock and minerals, video games, computers, and board games. I have a lot of independent hobbies too. Used to go to a scrabble club and am taking an art class. Most of the people at these events are much older so it's been hard to meet people my age.

I love playing board games I still have most of mine from my childhood.

I've always been shy but I was more outgoing in high school. Now I just mostly keep to myself.