Getting my parents support.

[oneandlonely]

Things with me have been.. rough. To say the least. I'm sorry this might be long.

My therapist, Jennie, is worried about my health. She thinks that it is time we start more intensive treatment.

I just want to be free of this disorder. I want things to get better. i want to get better. But honestly I'm also really scared. It's like giving up a best friend. My ED has helped me cope for so long. I'm scared to be without it.

But Jennie is telling me that my health is getting really bad. I've been blacking out a lot. I'm so dizzy and lightheaded all the time. My head hurts most of the time really bad, but i'm getting to the point I have a headache so much that it doesn't even bother me that bad anymore. its just becoming normal.

I just don't feel good at all lately.

So Jennie tells me that it is time we give intensive outpatient treatment a try. I'm so scared to do this, but Jennie tells me that I do this, or I will have to be in residental treatment by spring/summer. This is all so scary.

So the next step was getting my parents on board because I'd be under their insurance. So Jennie called my parents and talked to them. She told them what is going on and how my health is. Mom said they would be open to looking into the IOP.

So a few days goes by, and my parents refuse to talk to me about the ED. dad called me once, but only to yell at me for how many meals I've wasted. Mom called me also to do the same. But they won't let me talk about the disorder, everytime I bring it up they hang up the phone.

Jennie got a call from my dad Monday. He told her that as much as they love me they just can't afford treatment. She tried to explain to him that I really need medical treatment, and that he really should look into the treatment and let them run the insurance to see what it will cover. He told her that he didn't think it would be covered so he and mom aren't even going to look into it. I'm crushed.

Now I just feel so lost and stuck. I need help. I'm sick. and my parents just want to tell me how selfish I'm being by putting the family through this.

I was always so scared to tell my parents about all of this for this reason. that they wouldn't react well, they wouldn't believe me.

Now I'm home for three weeks from school (christmas break). I need to be getting ready to enter the IOP. But my parents won't support it.

I want to go back to when i was little, and mom took care of me when I was sick. sit by my bed and read me books, and make me soup. Now I'm sick, and my parents won't support me.

Jennie is going to keep calling my parents and bugging them about this, she isn't going to let it go.

I'm just crushed. I don't know where go from here and I feel... alone.

I don't know how to get my parents support on this. Or how to even talk to them about it. Well... I've tried to talk to them, they won't listen.

I could use prayer, and any advice/encouragement anyone can offer.

I'm just so crushed.

 

[MyaShane]

Sweetie, I will be praying very hard for a change of heart in your parents. It's unfortunate that others are not able to see this disease for what it really is and I pray that their eyes will be opened to the seriousness of it! You have every right to be crushed. I'm so sorry you're not getting the support you need from your parents! When we're let down by the people we trust the most it's especially devastating . I just want to encourage you to keep working with Jennie to get better. You need to take care of you and it does seem that she's looking out for what's best for you. Please keep us updated on how things are going!

 

[UndeservedGrace]

I wish I could help!!
I'll pray!!
Don't loose hope!
your ED is not your friend.. even though it seems it is!
I wish I could help..
I can!
Be blessed sister

 

[MMikayla]

Treatment is not necessary if you trust and have faith.
[SIZE=#][/SIZE]

 

[Soulwings]

Umm, MMikayla, it can be. A person can have as much faith as anyone, and still won't be healed. God doesn't necessarily heal all of those who are sick- otherwise, are you saying that all people who are sick and not healed have not enough faith? Isn't that rather judgmental of you?

Bethers, I hope that things are going okay.

 

[MMikayla]

Sorry, what I meant was...

Treatment is not necessary if you trust your family and ask them to help you at home, there are books which can be read which can help them understand what you are going through and support you. The faith was not to make her better it was to have faith it was to have the confidence to love her self which will help her on the road to recovery. Like she said she cannot afford the treatment. I realise now my post would have needed to be more in depth to be understood.

 

[MyaShane]

Sorry, what I meant was...

Treatment is not necessary if you trust your family and ask them to help you at home, there are books which can be read which can help them understand what you are going through and support you. The faith was not to make her better it was to have faith it was to have the confidence to love her self which will help her on the road to recovery. Like she said she cannot afford the treatment. I realise now my post would have needed to be more in depth to be understood.

Thanks for clarifying MMikayla.
You know though unfortunately, with our families, the reality is that even with the most supportive and well intentioned ones still they are not able to fully understand and/or give us the kind of help we really need. My family loves me, my family would do anything for me and I have great faith (at least I think I do), but in order to get the kind of help I would need to best overcome this, I would need to go outside my family to someone..well qualified. And not just that, but often we need non-family to keep us accountable and to give us a swift kick every once in a while, and you don't always get that from the people who love you most. Does that make sense?

 

[Soulwings]

Yes, what Kerin said. I've read tonnes of self-help books, my family is loving and supportive, but I never would've gotten anywhere if I hadn't stepped out and gotten objective viewpoints on where I was going wrong (speaking of SI at the moment) and then more support and objective viewpoints and knowledgeable people to guide me as to what I should be eating, how much I should be exercising, what my bloodwork looked like, how my meds were helping me and what could be done to improve their work, etc., etc.

Basically, to be blunt and to the point, if my parents hadn't stepped in and gotten me OUTSIDE help, I would be dead by now, either from my ED or from suicide. Families can't always help. Actually, rarely can they help you recover. They can support, but they just don't have the professional experience and advice to help you take steps to "real" recovery.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

.

 

[MyaShane]

they say that blood is thicker than water.
I say that family are the people who are there for you.

And no one would argue that. However, being there for you and helping you recover are two entirely different things.

 

[MMikayla]

Family helped me. x

 

[Soulwings]

Family may help. And if they do, well, more power to them. And you're lucky for that. However, you can't generalise like that. They can be there for you, they can not be there for you. But professional help - I don't want to think about how many people I know would be dead now if it weren't for professional help.

This is a silly argument. All Bethany was asking for was support, and now we're going on and on about how professional help isn't as useful as familial support.

(Kerin was right, support is a huge thing, but it's different from help. It may HELP, but family doesn't have the experience needed to deal with some people's problems. My family had no idea how to deal with my cutting and ED... and so many of the books written out there are freaking stereotyped. I wouldn't want ANYONE reading them. Especially those by Steven Levenkron.)

Anyway. Bethany, I hope that IOP is going well! And yey for you for getting help even when your parents were all weird and stupid about it. Love you, sis.

 

[oneandlonely]

wow I'm behind on reading this thread.

the thing is, my family *isn't* supportive.

But I am in IOP. and... its rough. to say the least

 

[oneandlonely]

I’m… I don’t know.

IOP has been rough to put it lightly. I knew it would be, don’t get me wrong. but… I’m just so FRUSTRATED with myself.

**possible triggers lay ahead. this is your warning. proceed with caution.**

i want so badly to get better. I want that more than anything in this world. i do. and I’m really really trying. But i don’t feel like anything is getting better. I feel like I’m getting worse/staying the same. And I know, its only been a week. but the other girl in the group is making progress…. and my therapist has made a point to remind me that if I don’t make progress/continue behaviors i will need to be checked in as a resident. I don’t know what I would do then. I can’t afford that. I can’t. I’m a student who doesn’t have a job (because I’m to ill) and have no support from my parents.

I’m still skipping meals. I’m trying to stick to my meal plan, but its HARD. I don’t understand what the hell is wrong with me. why the hell can’t I just stop freaking out and follow the plan. Why can’t I just make myself eat? *cries*

ysesterday i did fairly well. I ate most of my meals… tho I didn’t finish all of them. Then a friend of mine asked me to go to dinner. and i went. they spent dinner talking about calories. and weight. I couldn’t finish dinner. my friend knows what is going on and has talked to me about my meal plan a little. she looked at my plate and was like “Bethany! you need your dairy product. be right back.” before i could stop her she had brought me some icecream. I panicked. Icecream is one of my “bad” foods. i don’t let myself have it. ever. i ate a few bites to make her happy, and tried to enjoy it. i really did. Then we left… I went back to my room… and made myself throw up for the first time in… months. I was doing so well.

Today has been... bad.

now I’m scared to go Monday and tell Sara (therapist) how I’m doing. she was already worried that i’ve been skipping meals. in fact, thrus i was honest and told her i had not ate that day. she had the cook make me lunch, supervised me eating it. and wouldn’t let me use the bathroom unless I talked through the door to a staff. I’m scared to go and tell her that I’ve started throwing up again. and that i’ve cut again . i just… am so scared.

To be completely honest tho. I had a long talk with a good friend of mine about all of this. and after talking… I’m starting to wonder if IOP just isn’t going to be enough. because I’m starting to think if I want to beat this thing, I’m going to need more supported meals and supervision. I could just never ever afford more the IOP.

i really don’t know what I’m going to do.