Getting a yes.....a guy's perspective.

Deliberatetourist · May 7, 2006

vibrant said:
i know i have defence mechanisms for a reason. they serve to protect me, my body, my heart, and my emotions, because it's not easy or safe to be a young woman.

And as such the guys who are intrested in you and mean you absolutely no harm must deal with them which brings us back to post #1 in this thread.

Macrina · May 7, 2006

vibrant said:
i know i have defence mechanisms for a reason. they serve to protect me, my body, my heart, and my emotions, because it's not easy or safe to be a young woman.

The Rep Police said:
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to vibrant again

Deliberatetourist · May 7, 2006

not safe to be a young woman.

Well us guys have our defense mechanisms also. You might say in perspective its not safe for us either for a number of reasons:

1. Goldigging women who want to con us into marriage then fleece us for a lifetime of savings and development.

2. The woman who consents to having sex with us then feels guilty and decides that she was "raped" in order for her to save face.

3. The wonderful gal we meet who fails to tell us that she's not entirely divorced and who also failed to mention the other 3 kids she has all by different fathers.

4. THe wonderful gal who contacts us on a dating site and posts circa 1995 pics of herself not entirely representative of the fact that she's now 10 years and 150 lbs later.

5. And lets not forget the gal who strings us along for months until we have developed genuine feelings for her, only to have her tell us that she can't get over her ex (who the last time incidentally left her with a broken nose and brusises all over her body) and now she's gong back to him.

vibrant · May 7, 2006

Deliberatetourist said:
And as such the guys who are intrested in you and mean you absolutely no harm must deal with them

yes, because they are strangers. i don't know their intentions when i meet them initially. i'd rather have defence mechanisms to be on the safe side.

vibrant · May 7, 2006

Deliberatetourist said:
Well us guys have our defense mechanisms also. You might say in perspective its not safe for us either for a number of reasons [...]

okay. even more reason not to act like we're blank slates to each other, where every initiative should immediately be seen as honourable and duly respected. if a woman's instincts and judgment tell her no in regards to you, then don't begrudge her.

Deliberatetourist · May 7, 2006

vibrant said:
okay. even more reason not to act like we're blank slates to each other, where every initiative should immediately be seen as honourable and duly respected. if a woman's instincts and judgment tell her no in regards to you, then don't begrudge her.

Instincts and judgement...or fear? I don't begruge anyone anything of the sort. I have stated on another thread that if a woman turns me down for a perfectly plausible reason (ie.I'm balding) then I have no problem with it. But I don't think its fair to us to turn us down simply because they are afraid especially when in most cases that fear is unjustified. If you look at my list above of the types of women us guys should fear it's safe to say that you would immediatley agrue that those women represent a minority of the actual female population and I will not argue that they do not. But in turn the kinds of guys you are afraid of are of similar proportion.

sunshinejennii · May 8, 2006

You know you come across as really quite bitter and hostile Deliberatetourist. I'm not saying you actually are, but I think it's worth bearing in mind. Maybe you aren't as successful as you'd like with women because they can sense that, and it's incredibly unattractive. A seemingly bitter man would be better off announcing that his mum tucks him into bed with a hotwater bottle and some cocoa (and she lives in another town), still wets the bed on a regular basis and finds dead fish a turn on.

Deliberatetourist · May 8, 2006

sunshinejennii said:
You know you come across as really quite bitter and hostile Deliberatetourist. I'm not saying you actually are, but I think it's worth bearing in mind. Maybe you aren't as successful as you'd like with women because they can sense that, and it's incredibly unattractive. A seemingly bitter man would be better off announcing that his mum tucks him into bed with a hotwater bottle and some cocoa (and she lives in another town), still wets the bed on a regular basis and finds dead fish a turn on.

I am sorry that you are interpreting my posts as bitterness. Nothing could be further from the truth. As for my success with women....I'm quite successful at the moment. I have dated 3 outstanding women in the last six months and I have a steady girlfriend right now. If I would be bitter about anything it's about the social structure of things back in the States but only because I see so many fellow guys giving up and settling for less. I don't have to worry because I am not going back there to live ever again. Frustrated,....... perhaps at one time. You see I am a 35 year old guy who looks about 28. My hairline is receding but other than that I have a better body then some people 10 years younger than I. Well on the physical level I was only attracted to women about your age or a little older. On the maturity level I was attracted to women more my age but the available ones my age made me feel like I was going out with my mother. I just couldn't get interested. I tried dating a few women that were around 24-25 but once they found out that I was 35 they treated me like I had the plague and the few I did date just wern't mature enough to convince me that there would ever be anything there other than a shallow arrangement. In Asia I am in my groove. The women over here are happening well into their 30's and even 40's (diet and lifestyle) and if you are of the persuasion and you want to date down in age the taboos simply aren't here so its no problem. However I still like the maturity of someone more my age. I've settled in with a 27 year old Thai woman thats a good balance. Old enough to have some maturity and young enough to not look like she's ready to start pulling balls at the rectory.

Highland Watchman · May 8, 2006

Deliberatetourist said:
Why would you lose dignity? Is there any more dignity in getting slammed by 10 gals in a row because you couldn't get past their contrived defense mechanisms? If the afforementioned approach works then one guy is gonna be enjoying an evening with the gal he wanted to be with while you , "Mr. Dignity" are sitting in your private corner trying to ignore all the undesirable types who are vyeing for your attention.

Hm... and yet, what we must ask ourselves if we are also being ignored because we are the "undesirable" types. Kind of reminds me of a joke that I heard once. Which, the joke was a bit shallow, but I'll put it here anyway, just for the effect of the point.

Three guys die and are standing at the gates of Heaven. Peter looks down at them and goes over his list. Then, after shaking his head, he tells them, "Sorry guys. But because of corporate downsizing, we don't really have any room in Heaven for all 3 of you. We have enough room for maybe one."

The guys all look at each other, then back to Peter. "Well, can't you make some sort of exception? We've been friends all our lives."

Peter flinches and looks over his list again. "Sorry. Doesn't look like I can do it. But tell you what. Through this door is a road. If you can make it to the end of the road without falling off, then we'll see."

The guys agreed to it, so Peter opened the door. The first guy steps up confidently. "See you on the other side." And he steps through the door, but stumbles on the step and falls off. When he wakes up again, he is chained to the ugliest woman he'd ever seen.

The other two guys, on seeing this, look at each other, then do rock, paper, scissors to see who would go next. The second guys steps up, and is more careful He makes it onto the road and walks for about 1000 steps before a sudden wind comes up and blows him off the road. When he wakes up, he finds himself chained to a nice looking girl. She is pretty, and she seems to like him too. And they seem happy together.

Upon seeing this, the third guy laughs with glee. "All I have to do," he thought to himself, "is make it to the end of the road. Just think of how hot the girl will be if I can do that!!" So he steps forward in confidence, but with great care. He makes it past the 1000 step mark. Actually, he makes it pretty far, so far in fact that the gate seems tiny in the distance.

After what seems like forever, he hears a voice. "That will be far enough!" and the road gives way under him and he falls through. When he wakes up, he is beside the most beautiful woman imaginable. Like I'm talking beautiful enough to make the supermodels look plain. He tries making conversation, but she ignores him. He moves closer, she moves away. He gives up and sits there beside her for a while, before he finally gives up.

"I didn't think Heaven would be like this!" he spits bitterly.

"Don't start with me," she replies. "I only made it one step!"

Macrina · May 8, 2006

Highland Watchman said:
Hm... and yet, what we must ask ourselves if we are also being ignored because we are the "undesirable" types.

Bingo.

2LivIsChrist · May 8, 2006

Well I don't really know if i agree with girls saying no because it makes them feel like they have power. Maybe some girls do that, but I know if I said no, it wouldn't be for that reason. I would say no because I didn't like them in that way or I know its not God's will. Yet, I would try to be as nice about it as possible.

JPPT1974 · May 8, 2006

Servant4God said:
Well I don't really know if i agree with girls saying no because it makes them feel like they have power. Maybe some girls do that, but I know if I said no, it wouldn't be for that reason. I would say no because I didn't like them in that way or I know its not God's will. Yet, I would try to be as nice about it as possible.

Well it all depends on what answers
That you have been given
Because it would depend on their personality and mannerisms!

Deliberatetourist · May 8, 2006

Hm... and yet, what we must ask ourselves if we are also being ignored because we are the "undesirable" types.

A legitimate question but certainly not the case with me. I had plenty of women that "desired" to have a relationship with me the only problem was that the feeling was not mutual. It wasn't because of my looks (I've always been regarded as a good looking guy, I'm in really good shape too), and it wasn't because of my personality (I tend to be the life of the party). I was simply pigeonholed because of my age. Women in their 30's (the available lot) were wholly unattractive to me, and younger women who were attractive to me were either socially conditioned to view dating a guy 10 years their senior adversely, or they were too immature. I tried dating a couple of gals my age but it couldn't go anyhwere because they simply just didn't do it for me. I wasn't attracted to them period. Its kind of hard when you are a 35 year old guy who looks like you maybe just had you 28th birthday. With women your age you feel like your a tagalong college age son, and with younger women you feel like you're their father.

sunshinejennii · May 9, 2006

Deliberatetourist-it was more of a 'just drawing it to your attention' clearly you don't come across that way normally. Sounds like you've been in a real pickle, but I'm glad to hear you're happy with the women you're with now.

Getting a yes.....a guy's perspective.

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