Gah

[IseekTheTruth]

1) It sucks
2) I've had it for over 4 days now
3) It's what started the downward spiral of my relationship with my first girlfriend. We weren't right for each other (even though we both love the Lord), and we'd have broken up eventually, but still... it could've ended better. We talk now, but it's taken months of silence and a lot of effort on my part to restore the friendship.
4) I've had it for my whole life and I'll have it for the rest of my life.
5) I have pretty much no support system or even moderately close friends within 200 miles of me.
6) My only close friend (who was sort of a support system) has a fiance now spends all his spare time with her, and pretty much didn't make an effort to keep me as a significant part of his life, so we don't talk anymore and I don't really have a desire to attempt to restore it at this point.

How the crap am I supposed to have any shred of a normal social life, be successful in academics, stay close to God, or find the woman I'll marry if I'm miserable 1/2 the time. I'm like a freaking Dr. Jeckle, Mr. Hyde. I go from a crazy, happy, successful, people-attracting, comedic person to a cave-dwelling, miserable, bitter, hateful, critical person.

My social life goes from great to non-existant, to moderately good, to non-existant, to mediocre, to non-existant... When you cease all contact with people for long enough they stop caring about you, and when you have to hole yourself up in your dorm just to keep yourself from ripping their heart out and stomping on it becuase you're so miserable you know you have to protect them from you by isolating yourself... Well... You're bound to lose friends.

I can't THINK because my brain is running on 1/2-speed because my hormones are all out of whack and it's finals week. I haven't been able to SLEEP because my hormones are out of whack... In the past two days I haven't been able to get to sleep, and when I finally did, I woke up throughout the night.

My relationship with God is back to ground zero... like it's been countless times before. By the time I get close again it just all falls apart again and I'm back to ground zero.

...and when my confidence and happiness are shattered like this, there's no way I'm going to be attractive to anyone, and my primary desire at this point in my life is to find someone to share my life with.

"Suffering Silently" pretty much defines a lot of my life. People have no idea.

Gah, I don't even know what you can say to that. You can quote verses and say nice things but I've yet to find anything that can actually remediate my depression while I'm in it, except time.

 

[Amin]

1) It sucks
2) I've had it for over 4 days now
3) It's what started the downward spiral of my relationship with my first girlfriend. We weren't right for each other (even though we both love the Lord), and we'd have broken up eventually, but still... it could've ended better. We talk now, but it's taken months of silence and a lot of effort on my part to restore the friendship.
4) I've had it for my whole life and I'll have it for the rest of my life.
5) I have pretty much no support system or even moderately close friends within 200 miles of me.
6) My only close friend (who was sort of a support system) has a fiance now spends all his spare time with her, and pretty much didn't make an effort to keep me as a significant part of his life, so we don't talk anymore and I don't really have a desire to attempt to restore it at this point.

How the crap am I supposed to have any shred of a normal social life, be successful in academics, stay close to God, or find the woman I'll marry if I'm miserable 1/2 the time. I'm like a freaking Dr. Jeckle, Mr. Hyde. I go from a crazy, happy, successful, people-attracting, comedic person to a cave-dwelling, miserable, bitter, hateful, critical person.

My social life goes from great to non-existant, to moderately good, to non-existant, to mediocre, to non-existant... When you cease all contact with people for long enough they stop caring about you, and when you have to hole yourself up in your dorm just to keep yourself from ripping their heart out and stomping on it becuase you're so miserable you know you have to protect them from you by isolating yourself... Well... You're bound to lose friends.

I can't THINK because my brain is running on 1/2-speed because my hormones are all out of whack and it's finals week. I haven't been able to SLEEP because my hormones are out of whack... In the past two days I haven't been able to get to sleep, and when I finally did, I woke up throughout the night.

My relationship with God is back to ground zero... like it's been countless times before. By the time I get close again it just all falls apart again and I'm back to ground zero.

...and when my confidence and happiness are shattered like this, there's no way I'm going to be attractive to anyone, and my primary desire at this point in my life is to find someone to share my life with.

"Suffering Silently" pretty much defines a lot of my life. People have no idea.

Gah, I don't even know what you can say to that. You can quote verses and say nice things but I've yet to find anything that can actually remediate my depression while I'm in it, except time.

You talk of being up and down in your feelings and emotions.
I think every one is.
Our feelings and emotions change constantly. They never stay the same.
As far as your outlook, remember
things aren't done like an automatic carwash.
We have to put time and effort into things.
I'm not being smart, only realistic.
Give God some time, pray your requests, but also have patience.
Do you know why a tree only grows so much a year?
It grows one layer, so to say.
Then it takes the rest of the year to strengthen what has grown.
If it grew all at once it would be too weak to stand. There was no time for strengthening.
Our time of trials is like the time of strengthening. without it God knows how weak we would be.
I really pray for you to find friends to lighten your burden, and pray that you would give yourself time to be grown by God.
I don't mean to sound harsh or mean
i only want to see you okay.
Chuck.

 

[IseekTheTruth]

Thanks. I've been through "trails" before and they did strengthen me, but this is different... We're talking chemicals of the brain here.... I have seratonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine imbalances and that's not something you can just grit your teeth through; no amount of effort can fix that... But time... I just have to wait until they go back in balance again. Whereas the trials strengthen me, these episodes pretty much ruin my life. They tear apart the fabric that was my status quo, and replace it with nothing. It's not like a sinful lifestyle is being destroyed so I can be restored. My good lifestyle gets shredded every time this happens and I just have to start from scratch again.

And about the feelings.. you're preaching to the choir man. I've used that line with people countless times. I know all of the truths logically, but that doesn't help the mood... I can be at my worst and still know logically that it will end eventually, but it still doesn't help. Many people think Paul's thorn was physical, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was depression... If anything would cause a man to just grovel before God begging for healing I think it'd be this.

 

[Amin]

Thanks. I've been through "trails" before and they did strengthen me, but this is different... We're talking chemicals of the brain here.... I have seratonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine imbalances and that's not something you can just grit your teeth through; no amount of effort can fix that... But time... I just have to wait until they go back in balance again. Whereas the trials strengthen me, these episodes pretty much ruin my life. They tear apart the fabric that was my status quo, and replace it with nothing. It's not like a sinful lifestyle is being destroyed so I can be restored. My good lifestyle gets shredded every time this happens and I just have to start from scratch again.

And about the feelings.. you're preaching to the choir man. I've used that line with people countless times. I know all of the truths logically, but that doesn't help the mood... I can be at my worst and still know logically that it will end eventually, but it still doesn't help. Many people think Paul's thorn was physical, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was depression... If anything would cause a man to just grovel before God begging for healing I think it'd be this.

I understand, because I've had depression for 6 yrs, with no relief.
I've been on meds. too.
Ireally pray that you find solutions to your problems. Can you go to a doctor for medicine?
Chuck.

 

[IseekTheTruth]

I understand, because I've had depression for 6 yrs, with no relief.
I've been on meds. too.
Ireally pray that you find solutions to your problems. Can you go to a doctor for medicine?
Chuck.

That stinks.

I could, and my mom's tried to get me to for years, but my neurology is very delicate... I don't just have Depression, I have Tourette's Syndrome, ADD, and bouts of Insomnia... I'm not about to go screwing around with my brain anymore. Past attempts had some catastrophic effects.