frustrated at widowhood yet again

[faithgoeson]

I wonder how many widowed here ever want to just scream at God? He is supposed to be our Husband, our Provider. He is, of course. I just get so aggrevated by life at times that I think I need to yell at Him to get Him to remember me. This time, it's the stupid car. My brakes went completely out on the way home today. I pray over this car every day. My children were terrified. We live in the mountains. No brakes can be deadly. The Lord brought us home safely at least. Now, I have no way to pay for parts and labor. God knows I can't afford that. He never seems to want us to prosper financially no matter how much I tithe and trust Him. I now have no way to work or to get my children to school. Our church won't help. My husband was a mechanic. It's like salt in an old wound when the car isn't working. He'd have it fixed before it even broke. I just don't get it.

 

[pauldst]

I wonder how many widowed here ever want to just scream at God? He is supposed to be our Husband, our Provider. He is, of course. I just get so aggrevated by life at times that I think I need to yell at Him to get Him to remember me. This time, it's the stupid car. My brakes went completely out on the way home today. I pray over this car every day. My children were terrified. We live in the mountains. No brakes can be deadly. The Lord brought us home safely at least. Now, I have no way to pay for parts and labor. God knows I can't afford that. He never seems to want us to prosper financially no matter how much I tithe and trust Him. I now have no way to work or to get my children to school. Our church won't help. My husband was a mechanic. It's like salt in an old wound when the car isn't working. He'd have it fixed before it even broke. I just don't get it.

My heart goes out to you, faithgoeson. It breaks my heart to 'hear' you 'say' your church won't help. Shame on them! I don't understand that....

Earlier, this evening my dad and I were talking about finances. My wife's death last week, what with her being both our (her's and my) bookkeeper and the company bookkeeper, the burial and two funerals, took an already precarious financial position and pushed it into being all but a disaster. I told him about a post I had read by someone on this forum talking about trusting God. It encouraged me. As I read your post here I remembered that I wanted to find that other post. When I did I was quite surprised to find that you wrote that other post! I hope that I can encourage you now.
I will post more of my story so far under "Time to check in", but what the Lord has said to me lately is to stand my ground, and when I have done all that I can to stand, stand (Eph 6:13). He has said to let Him be God. And He appears to be saying to be an overcomer. From Rick Joyner's book Mobilizing the Army of God: "To be an overcomer means that we must refuse to be overcome by circumstances and opposition." (p. 150) There is more that I could say on this--in fact I have a sermon on it in preparation--but the sum of it seems to be to hold on to what you know God has said, stand firm, do what you know to do, and let Him do the rest in His way and in His time. This does not mean to not ask for help when and where appropriate.

I read both your posts to my dad on the phone. He wanted me to print them so that he and Mom can pray for you. I will pray as well.

 

[pauldst]

Oh, two other things, keep praising Him. So many reasons to do this....

And expect God to move, just remember that it may not be the way that you think.

 

[cajunhillbilly]

How much is needed? Perhaps we can all send faithgoeson a little and then she will have enough to repair the brakes. that reminds me. I have to get mine fixed soon.

 

[Pilgrim1951]

Great idea!

 

[pauldst]

Yes, I agree that it is a great idea. But how?

I also had a thought, I have a friend from church who has family in Missouri. Maybe he would know someone who could help faithgoeson. Would depend on the area she is in....

 

[ComesoonmyLORD]

Faithgoeson,
There are times in our lives when our advessary will lay stumbling blocks at our feet. Trust me, he knows our weaknesses and he strives to use them to get to us. God knows also, and He wants us to overcome them, to be strengthened by our trials by fire. Have you ever looked back into your past and remembered something that you went through? Remember how it finally ended? I can think of many things, and so many of them didn't turn out like I thought they would. So many times God has used what I thought to be disaster for His Glory and His edification. He reigns, and He rules. Keep your focus on Him and allow him to strangle satan's attempts to pull you down.
When my wife passed away, I wrote something about her life. Part of it described how satan had cast a spear at her (cancer) in the attempt to destroy her life, her family, etc. But God took the spear and transformed it into a sword. Now all Ginger had to do was pick up the sword and use it in God's battle. Romans 8:28 says that all things work together for good, to them that are the called according to His purpose. In these times let God use your situation. He has promised that He won't put more on us than we can handle. He will provide an escape. But we must listen quitely, trusting in His love, in His power, in His plan. I'm praying for you.
Years ago my Ginger and I began keeping a prayer journal. We would keep notes of things that were praying for, prayer list etc. It is truly AMAZING to back and look at the journal. It really gives you a pespective of how God works in our lives. The answered prayers, the prayers that were answered but not like we thought we wanted. All for His Glory. Keep the faith, lean on Him even though it may seem you are leaning very hard, He is your rock. God Bless!

 

[faithgoeson]

Thanks to all for the kind words of encouragement. What's really hard to swallow is not being able to even get my children to school now. I am trusting the Lord that everything will be taken care of by Monday, but it seems like an impossible feat. God blessed us this year with full scholarships to a Christian school so that I could finally stop homeschooling and go to work. Now, the devil is doing everything he can to take that away. This is just one of many things that has happened since my children started school. The brakes are probably going to cost more than my car is even worth, but who can afford a new car? My husband would be so hurt to know we struggle like this. I sometimes wonder how much he is aware of while living in Heaven. When the brakes first started to fail, the song from his funeral came on the radio. It was like the devil just trying to be sure I remembered that I once had a husband who was a mechanic and wouldn't let me drive a dangerous car. I don't understand why God sometimes looks away while we get hurt, but it's not my job to understand it. I just keep trusting Him. He's all I have. I know everything happens for a purpose. I believe He is giving some other people a chance to do what's right and help a widow and her children. What they do with their God-given job is their choice. Thanks to all of you again for the kind words. You are all welcome to send private messages any time. God bless.

 

[cajunhillbilly]

How do I send a private message?

 

[smiledaily]

Click on their name in their post and a box will drop down and pick send personal message to the person from the list. Or click on their home page link at the bottom of thier post, and on the left in the column will say CF Contact - Personal Message.

 

[pauldst]

Well, I made it to church this morning. It was really hard.

The morning started bad with a dream. The dream was a normal weird dream, everything okay, until the end where I was brought to face Cheryl in her casket and I woke up to the overwhelming reality that she is gone.

Then I had to face going to church without her. I've done that plenty of times when she was sick, but this time she not only wasn't with me, but wasn't home or in the hospital, either. We helped plant the church. We got married, we finished our honeymoon here finding a place to live, and then we went back to Oklahoma, packed our things and moved here to plant the church. It is not as hard as facing the house without her, but it is up there! Last night I was with two couples, watching the baseball game, almost normal, able to laugh and all, and this morning I'm, well, if not a wreck, at least desparately out of tune. Ugh! I can't believe that she's gone.

Now I'm home, and I'm better. It helped to have sound things to do, and in a way it helped that there was a sort of church business discussion after church, but that last and the emotions have left me wrung out and used up....

I'm going to take a nap, but before I do:

How is everyone else today?

 

[ComesoonmyLORD]

Pauldst,
Believe me when I say, we understand. You will find yourself on a roller coaster ride of emotions in the months to come, but remember that it's normal. Your life's ship is going through a nasty storm right now, but remember who is asleep below deck, "Peace, be still". One thing that I leaned on in those early days was the fact that my Ginger was now at peace. No more pain, no more medicine, no more worries in this world. She's at peace with our Father. I'm praying for you my friend. Be strong, keep the faith, hold on for a new day is coming. The sun will rise and warm our face again, but for now we must stand firm against this bitter wind.

Do you have any children?

 

[pauldst]

Pauldst,
Believe me when I say, we understand. You will find yourself on a roller coaster ride of emotions in the months to come, but remember that it's normal. Your life's ship is going through a nasty storm right now, but remember who is asleep below deck, "Peace, be still". One thing that I leaned on in those early days was the fact that my Ginger was now at peace. No more pain, no more medicine, no more worries in this world. She's at peace with our Father. I'm praying for you my friend. Be strong, keep the faith, hold on for a new day is coming. The sun will rise and warm our face again, but for now we must stand firm against this bitter wind.

Do you have any children?

Not that made it passed the first month or so of pregnancy. We have somewhere in the neighborhood of 5 in heaven,, I guess. Looking back on it, there was a warning sign of the cancer, but no one had any idea to check for somthing like that....

Yes she is at peace now, happy to be with ther Lord. She must be having a ball.

 

[ComesoonmyLORD]

Ok, so were are we with getting the brakes fixed? Anyone figured out a way to $ to Faith?

 

[faithgoeson]

Ok, so were are we with getting the brakes fixed? Anyone figured out a way to $ to Faith?

lol She's still broke here. You are all very kind. Anyone who is serious is welcome to private message, but I don't take charity very well. The Lord is trying very hard to teach me how to ask for help when I need it, though. I make things way too hard on myself. Tomorrow night, some guy my Bible study teacher knows is going to look at the brakes. At least then we'll have a real diagnosis. Beyond that, the Lord will just have to provide somehow. My goal is to get it running at a bare minimum just to make it until the second Wed. of the month. Social Security can help us get a better car after that. I'm paying a friend to run us to school and work and back. She's expensive, but it's a ride anyway. Maybe I need better friends, who knows? I even managed to find a ride to my little one's b-day party Sat., so I guess we're going to survive this one way or another. Thank all of you for continued prayer. God bless.

 

[faithgoeson]

Just wanted to thank everyone for much needed prayer. I now have brakes that work. They are not completely fixed, but they'll hold until we can find some more cash. The Lord is good and provided free labor, so I'm happy. We won't have to cancel my little one's b-day party.

 

[pauldst]

Just wanted to thank everyone for much needed prayer. I now have brakes that work. They are not completely fixed, but they'll hold until we can find some more cash. The Lord is good and provided free labor, so I'm happy. We won't have to cancel my little one's b-day party.

God is Good!!!

 

[cajunhillbilly]

It is almost the first year anniversary of my Christy's passing. We were married 21 years when she passed without warning. A heart attack. I thought I had gotten past all the grieving, but with the one year anniversary coming up I find myself all melanchonic and sad. I am so lonely without her. She was the joy of my life. Now I am learning to look to God a lot more. Wish I could find some friends I could spend time with.

 

[cajunhillbilly]

great news from faithgoeson

 

[BornoftheSpirit]

It is almost the first year anniversary of my Christy's passing. We were married 21 years when she passed without warning. A heart attack. I thought I had gotten past all the grieving, but with the one year anniversary coming up I find myself all melanchonic and sad. I am so lonely without her. She was the joy of my life. Now I am learning to look to God a lot more. Wish I could find some friends I could spend time with.

Just want to let you know, you have friends here. All of us support you and love you as our brother in Christ. I understand it being different than in person, but please know we are here for you and want to support you the best we can.

I do understand about the feeling of being lonely. Even though we know God is with us and will never leave us, it's not quite the same as having human company. Remember, God cradles us in His loving arms through all our afflictions, and gives us strength and courage to get through each day, each hour or each minute. He is always there for you.