Friendships...

[Netty]

Hi all,

I just was wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation to me... I have some friends from high school that I still hang out with. They're not Christian, but they're pretty okay people - but when I'm with them I always feel so out of place. I've only just started being like this - is this the whole thing of "growing up"? Only problem is, there aren't too many people to replace them with, as my church's young adult's group is fairly small... Anyone out there have any thoughts on this?

 

[Brad2009]

Oh, I hear you.... actually its been a major struggle with me. I don't have alot of Christian friends, mostly atheist or agnostic from HS/College. I've met a few since converting, but nothing has really stuck as far as a lasting friendship goes, which is not to dog on the people I have met. Some of them are great people, I just haven't been pursuing relationships with Christians for some time and I think its a big problem in my life.

 

[Edwards1984]

Hi all,

I just was wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation to me... I have some friends from high school that I still hang out with. They're not Christian, but they're pretty okay people - but when I'm with them I always feel so out of place. I've only just started being like this - is this the whole thing of "growing up"? Only problem is, there aren't too many people to replace them with, as my church's young adult's group is fairly small... Anyone out there have any thoughts on this?

That's normal, especially for those who turn to Christ later on in their life. I have friends who are either atheists or non-Christians. It can be very shocking, for example, when you tell someone you will pray for them and they reply bluntly with, "I don't believe in God, so I don't care." I've had people I considered friends in college (before I was saved) respond to Facebook posts of mine glorifying God with an incredulous attitude. I have to expect this, however - as Christ said: "If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you" (John 15:18).

The worst thing for you to do would be to compromise your faith. Don't do that. Christ did not deny you on the way to the cross, why should you deny him on the way to the movie theater or the local restaurant? This was a major problem for me when I was a young Christian, where I would be faithful at church but not so faithful when I was around unbelieving friends. It takes courage, prayer, but most of all the grace of God to overcome this, but it can be done.

One thing you would be amazed with, however: you can be a witness to your friends, and a tool by God to reach out to them. I've had nonbelieving friends open up to me and ask me questions and grow in faith because they were amazed to meet someone who could talk about Christ and not drool over themselves after speaking two words. I've had people talk about sad events in their life, and when I say I'll pray for them they reply with a smile, "Thanks...I hadn't thought of doing that myself, it's a good idea." I'm not saying you're going to start a great awakening, but be sincere in your faith and knowledgeable of the gospel, and you can be a true witness to your friends.

 

[KeenanParkerII]

You're not alone in that. I feel so uncomfortable around non-Christians, sometimes non-Catholics even moreso if they're the militant type, that I wouldn't even consider dating a non-Christian girl or being besties with a non-Christian. Luckily my brother in law and one of my best friends are both my age and conservative Christians, but it still kinda puts a damper on your social life.

This upcoming semester I've decided to actually get in touch with the Catholic young adult group at my university. They also have a Christian group which welcomes non-Catholics. So if you go to a college or university check out your options. There is probably a group of young people nearby celebrating the Faith, because this sort of thing is pretty common.

 

[Niels]

I basically grew apart from my old high school friends. At some point, we stopped having enough in common to have fun together. You have the right idea about meeting new people. Although it can be challenging at times, there are others out there.

 

[Nomarga]

Hi all,

I just was wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation to me... I have some friends from high school that I still hang out with. They're not Christian, but they're pretty okay people - but when I'm with them I always feel so out of place. I've only just started being like this - is this the whole thing of "growing up"? Only problem is, there aren't too many people to replace them with, as my church's young adult's group is fairly small... Anyone out there have any thoughts on this?

Flip the religious positions and that's the situation I'm in right now. If some of my friends knew I was an atheist, they'd cut off most ties with me fairly quickly or go into the patronizing "I'm praying for you" mode.

I wouldn't worry too much about "replacing" friends. That's only going to give you forced friendships and those are never fun. Just keep an eye out for cool people of the same religious persuasion as you and in the meantime find a place to vent your frustrations about your non-christian friends (forums are great for this!).

 

[Netty]

Thank you. I guess I needed to hear that.

Thanks everyone for replying.
(And Normaga - are you sure you're prepared if I vent about my friends?!)

 

[ceh85]

Yeah I'm in a similar situation. The problem is not that I don't have good friends, I do but they are far away. And none of them are Christian, which I think would become more of an issue if I did live close to them. There is pretty much no one in my local church who is at a similar life stage to me either so while I've made friends those friendships aren't particularly close. Not sure what I can do about it to be honest.

 

[proemad]

I went through the same thing as well. I changed but my friends didn't. Try to witness to them. Or definately try to meet others that will support you and your faith. It can be challenging but rewarding. And always pray for your old friends. Even though I don't hang out with mine anymore I pray for them almost everyday.

 

[welshman]

A lot of problems will come around the age of young adult-hood (16 years old +) because non-believers will begin to start trying things in the world, whereas when they were younger; those things were out of bounds.

I can relate to what you are saying. While I was not saved until 18, many "friends" from school were into things that never appealed to me (drinking, sex, clubbing, drugs)...even as a non-believer I felt totally out of things as they lived a different life to what I did.

One thing to remember is this (I'm not sure how old you are? Are you still in school/college?)...most of the people you meet in school will not be in your life come the point of when you're in your mid-20's. People come and go in your life. I found that strange growing up. You imagine those people in your life now, will always be there.

There is only really one person who I grew up with as a kid, that is still my friend today. My best friend. He is not a believer but after being friends for 23 years, I am lucky in that I do not feel so far removed from his way of thinking as he is not someone into a lot of worldly things. Yet, there is still that part of me he does not understand as he is not saved.

I would perhaps look to build lasting relationships with believers in your church...even if they are quite a few years older than you. If they are worth their salt, it is these people in general as a Christian who will be there for you no matter what when the chips are down and things hit the fan (because sooner or later they will).

From experience, as a believer...while some non-believers will stay friends with you through the course of your life...your friendship group should be based on fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

There is a saying that "you will be the same person you are today; 30 years from now; aside from the books you read and the people you meet". That is so true.

Hope this has been some help.

 

[Perhaps Today]

Hi all,

I just was wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation to me... I have some friends from high school that I still hang out with. They're not Christian, but they're pretty okay people - but when I'm with them I always feel so out of place. I've only just started being like this - is this the whole thing of "growing up"? Only problem is, there aren't too many people to replace them with, as my church's young adult's group is fairly small... Anyone out there have any thoughts on this?

I can definitely relate to this. Almost every friend I made in school is not a Christian, and don't even want to hear about God. It's gotten to the point that I no longer have anything in common with any of these people anymore. In the last few years I've only associated with a small group of people who are Christian, because I feel out of place with everyone else. In the last couple of years I've started making some online friends through various Christian internet forums. I've had better luck making friends online than in person, of course being shy and insecure doesn't help any.

 

[ChristoEtEcclesiae]

When I began college in 2003, I realized that I would likely have difficulties in making friends as long as I remained a faithful Catholic and took Catholic positions on abortion, same sex "marriage," and embryonic stem cells. I was pretty aloof and standoffish, though I did make acquaintances over the years.

I'm reluctant to make friends with non-Christians because many non-Christians are pro-abortion and I think that the issue would eventually come up and I'd have to avoid them if we didn't fight about it. I wouldn't date a non-Christian, and I'd really have to consider how a relationship with a non-Catholic Christian would work out. Even friendships with Catholics may be a little tricky in my opinion because they might be lapsed or heterodox.

Really in order for me to want to be someone's friend, the following would have to be answered:
1. Pro-abortion?
2. Attitude towards Catholicism?

 

[Apollo Celestio]

I've found I have different groups of friends..typically I relate better to the non-Christian ones, but that's purely social. I would date outside the faith, but my circumstances are special and most Christian women want to be moms and stuff.

 

[Edwards1984]

Flip the religious positions and that's the situation I'm in right now. If some of my friends knew I was an atheist, they'd cut off most ties with me fairly quickly or go into the patronizing "I'm praying for you" mode.

What you need is a Whitefield friend for your Benjamin Franklin. That is, George Whitefield was the only believing friend Benjamin Franklin had, and he remained so even when many of Whitefield's friends told him to distance himself from Franklin.

 

[Netty]

A lot of problems will come around the age of young adult-hood (16 years old +) because non-believers will begin to start trying things in the world, whereas when they were younger; those things were out of bounds.

I can relate to what you are saying. While I was not saved until 18, many "friends" from school were into things that never appealed to me (drinking, sex, clubbing, drugs)...even as a non-believer I felt totally out of things as they lived a different life to what I did.

One thing to remember is this (I'm not sure how old you are? Are you still in school/college?)...most of the people you meet in school will not be in your life come the point of when you're in your mid-20's. People come and go in your life. I found that strange growing up. You imagine those people in your life now, will always be there.

There is only really one person who I grew up with as a kid, that is still my friend today. My best friend. He is not a believer but after being friends for 23 years, I am lucky in that I do not feel so far removed from his way of thinking as he is not someone into a lot of worldly things. Yet, there is still that part of me he does not understand as he is not saved.

I would perhaps look to build lasting relationships with believers in your church...even if they are quite a few years older than you. If they are worth their salt, it is these people in general as a Christian who will be there for you no matter what when the chips are down and things hit the fan (because sooner or later they will).

From experience, as a believer...while some non-believers will stay friends with you through the course of your life...your friendship group should be based on fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

There is a saying that "you will be the same person you are today; 30 years from now; aside from the books you read and the people you meet". That is so true.

Hope this has been some help.

Ahh Welshman - you've made so much sense, yet again! I really love that quote you've put there... it's so true. I guess my main struggle is now distancing myself subtly. It's a bit tricky because I've just spent a year overseas doing mission work - and so they're keen to catch up and all, but I've changed, and no longer place the same importance on things they do. Just trying to ease out of their friendship slowly and ease into the young adult's group at my church. I do have some lovely older friends at my church already who are definitely a blessing to me, and have a wealth of wisdom. Thanks for helping me think about it all more clearly guys.
(And for the record I'm 24 years old. Ancient, huh?!)