Friendship gone wrong?

[peteey]

I am having a great struggle with a current friend. We have known each other since college. This past spring, we decided to room together...we were both in unhappy places in our lives, and figured hey why not help each other out in those areas...we were both living at home still after graduation with our parents. I was extremely depressed and trying to figure out what to do with my life and she was partying and doing things she ought not do, and was also confused about her direction.
So we both graduated from a Christian college and went our own ways...and then this spring, we decided it would be fun to be roomies for one last time..and help each other out. So we found a place.
Now throughout the summer I was noticing that she would go out and drink, and she was not that fun to be around when she was drinking, she was crude and mean...I am not saying I was a saint, I don't want to point out someone's fault when I have my own to deal with. It's just that being sisters in Christ I believe we should hold each other accountable. But I asked her if she thought what she was doing was right and christ like, and of course she kind of shurgged me off. And she was dating some real losers as well. And of course I was concerned. Maybe it was wrong of me to even think I could help someone...I know you can't change a person unless they want to be changed...and it's their doing to begin with.
Well anyway...I was kind of tense around her because she kind of gets upset really easily...or she is really out spoken on things, where I am more likely to just push it aside...it's kind of like two opposite characters here. I always feel like she just does not care how her decisions effect other people around her, and we have had this discussion as well...
Well just the past month or so, she quit her job, and asked me to loan her money that I did not have...I posted this in the finance area of this forum because she quit her job not for sure knowing she got a job she interviewed for, and of course she did not get it...and she decided to go out Boston, she payed for half her ticket, and all of this other stuff...and I didn't understand why she couldn't ask her parents..a lot of things were said over email, of all things...that should not have been said...to each other. We talked about it in person later..and she decided to ask her parents, which I wish she would have done to begin with...I apologized for things I said, but she never apologized to me...maybe I am being bitter and should just let it go...
but it just seems that all of this tension has just been building up, I don't know if she feels the same way or what....I want to talk to her about it, but don't know if this would be a wise thing to do. We were great friends in college and roomed together for a summer, but we always had other friends around us...
I just find myself being extremely bitter towards her all the time, and my heart is just hard....and sometimes I feel like maybe I am making a bigger deal out of things then necessary....and I don't want to be this kind of person...I have never felt such anger and bitterness towards a friend in my life, I am known to be quite loyal as my other friends put it. I used to pray that God change her, but now I pray that he changes me, or shows me what I am doing wrong, or an answer to something...and it is getting so frustrating..I don't know what to do with myself, because I hate that I feel this way...and I was hoping someone here could help out with advice or prayer or something...
I am questioning my motives, and all....she just met a guy...and I met him, he is an awesome guy, but it really hurts when she would rather talk to him all night on her phone every night, or when we are at the mall together she talks to him on the phone. And I moved down to her area, so I only know a few people....
I will take any advice or help. I just don't want to feel this way anymore..and want to deal with the problem, if I can figure out what the problem is...does that make sense?
anything would help. Even a swift kick in the butt! to knock some sense into me if need be...

 

[plowboy22]

All I can say is "What would Jesus do?"

That question has helped me greatly!

 

[peteey]

I ask myself that all the time....would he say something? Or would he let it go?

 

[secretdawn]

I think it says somewhere if they ASK for forgiveness then forgive. If they don't you don't need to. I would try to forgive her in your heart, but hold onto the knowledge of how she has been towards you so you don't get taken advantage of or hurt again...that is until (if) she comes around and apologize. If you want to let her know that you are there for her if she makes ammends, send her a Christmas card with a short note telling her how you feel...first write it and don't think about it, then go through and edit it a couple times to make sure that you aren't being anything but considerate or nice, and don't make accusations...just tell her how you feel and use the word feel...like "i feel hurt.." not "you hurt me"...it helps keep people from getting defensive.
hope this helps...just remember...you have all the friends you need in Jesus.

 

[wvmtnkid]

I know how you feel. I have a friend who at one time was my best friend. We did everything together. We were so close. Then I started to work and made other friends. She couldn't handle that she wasn't my only "best" friend anymore. She had other friends and I was expected to "play nice" with her friends, but if we did something and I wanted to include one of my other friends, her behavior was horrendous. She did some pretty awful things to me. We went on a beach trip, 6 hours in the car and she wouldn't speak a word to me or one of my friends that came with us. She stood me up at places she was supposed to meet me. The last straw was when she got married, didn't tell me she was getting married, than got mad at me because I didn't give her a bridal shower. I found out through a mutal friend that she was even married and that she was mad I didn't give her a shower.

I don't tell you this to get sympathy but to let you know that we all sometimes have friends that get on our last nerve. What I decided was that I could forgive her, but that didn't mean we had to keep being friends. I don't wish any ill will towards her, but I don't have to be her door mat anymore either. What I did was forgive her and move on. I moved on with other friends I knew I could count on. I was very bitter and angry and upset with her for a long time because of her actions. But I decided I had to forgive her, even though she didn't ask for it. Jesus was able to help take those feelings of bitterness away. Now, I feel sorry for her, that she lost a good and loyal friend. Because I would still be her friend today if she would have treated me as a friend should have.

I hope this helped in some way. I guess what I am trying to say is that people come into our lives for all different reasons. Some people will stay and be friends for life, others won't. We don't have to keep every single friend forever. I don't think we should hate them or habor bitterness, but we can let go of them and move on with others when it becomes apparent that they are not interested in maintaining a friendship.

 

[seangoh]

I am questioning my motives, and all....she just met a guy...and I met him, he is an awesome guy, but it really hurts when she would rather talk to him all night on her phone every night, or when we are at the mall together she talks to him on the phone. And I moved down to her area, so I only know a few people....

That is one of the worst things that can happen to friends. When you're totally ignored just because another has come into the picture. I don't know whether this would work, but how about telling her the good times you had with her last time and how you loved those days? Pray for her at the same time too. Will pray for you