friends 18th yesterday night

[luv4godremains]

ouch is how I feel really. in lots of pain and just about not puking up (it takes getting me to the place where I majorly pass out to be sick, thankfully) well, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing really, especially that I know that!
I kept like falling asleep and waking up again last night (cos of the caffeine too) and I'm soo tired, I told myself I would only have one drink, however many drinks later, I don't even remember now, I also promised my mum, and then lied to her.
I feel soo guilty, why do I do such stupid things? it had been soo long since I last did this, just like everything else I ever do that I shouldn't!
now I'm sure when I go to church everyone is gonna know and judge me for it!
sorry for rambling about this, but why can I control my body with not eating, but not with the amount of alcohol I drink when I'm out?

 

[The Julikenz]

Sweetie i know what that's like. I find it so hard to control how much drink, (so therefore i avoid it, though i recently fell after over a year ) yet an ED is so easy to control - the difference is one is a physical drug and one is a pyscological drug.

Alcohol affects our ability to make decisions, it is truely said. Especially being young, your body wasn't made by God to have chemicals pumped into it, changing the way it functions. Your little body was given to be filled with the Holy spirit, overflowing in fact, and if you feed your faith in the knowledge of the Holiness God has called you to, your doubts about that will starve to death!!

I know how easy it is to get on the social scene and fall into drinking/drugs/alcohol i really have struggled with that in the past (even up to the last month, i fell after over a year of self control with alcohol) but the important thing is not that we fell down, but that we get back up and set our eyes on the cross, and run towards it! Something a friend asked me to write to her, that i had spoken about, she told me to write down, and give to others who struggled with similar things, i pray it be a blessing to you, girl.

[font=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]Running the Race.[/font]

[font=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive] We are in what the bible illustrates as a race of faith, a metaphor of how our Christian journey should be like towards our Christ of Glory. We see the finish line, and we should constantly be striving to come out in front, to reach our personal best, and do the best with what Christ has given us "You can do all things throgh I who wil strengthen you" "No temptation has seized you except that which is common to man, but I am faithful, and I will deliver you" When we set our eyes on Him, it doesn' t matter how many sticks we trip over, or how many times we fall down, its not going to do us any good in a race to sit there and cry about a nasty little stick, that will BURN anyway, it's about setting our eyes on Christ, the eternal, the everlasting, and knowing He is who we are running towards, He is who we endure for, and He is the one that endured for us.[/font]

[font=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]We must set our eyes, and our faces to the glory of the King waiting at the finish line, let Him pick us up, and keep running towards Him. He has given us this amazing, forgiving, replenshing grace, and the blood of Jesus that cleanses us without blemish, so that nothing may hinder us from getting closer to Him, nothing could possibly seperate us from His love. [/font]

[font=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]Don't forget at the end of the day, that little stick that caught your foot while you were running is going to be burned, cast out from the presence of the most High, so don't let it keep you down babe.[/font]

[font=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]Love and prayers, [/font]
[font=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]Juleigh XX[/font]

(extract written by The Julikenz April 20th)

 

[luv4godremains]

thanks hun,
the thing is, I soooo missed doing that kind of thing, 3 years of going out doing druge, getting pi**ed, and just having a laugh with my mates, that's what I did to hide the emptiness I have inside, and I had soo much fin, I mean, the hangover sucked, but I had fun, for the first time in years I really had fun, not fake fun or anything, fun! and I feel like I should do it more often again, even though I know I shouldn't!
ahhhh, this sucks! I hate being conflicted with myself, the hardest battles you'll ever fight are those against yourself, and for some reason, I'm always fighting myself! sorry, am babbling on and venting now!

 

[greenonion]

I'm totally with you girl!! I have a problem controlling the amount of everything- food and drink. I have absolutely no self-control. I'll go for weeks without drinking, and then go to a party or family gathering and have one, but it turns into five. I always stop before I get sick loose total control. Like I need to take out my contacts before bed and brush my teeth, so I don't drink so much I forget to do those things.

But I do get carried away. Especially with family, we'll get to laughing and eating and drinking and before I know it I eat a whole 7 layer bean dip and have 4 beers.

I think the important thing is not to put yourself in these situations. Yeah, it's important but HARD, especially for someone like me who has no self-control. It's fun hanging out with friends and family and drinking and I always feel so bad afterwards. Luckily it is not an everyday thing and I know what sparks these episodes- FAMILY MEMBERS (I'm 24 and my family always has beer at family functions). When I am sober at family functions I totally miss just letting loose with everyone else, telling rude jokes and drinking and cussing like sailors. I feel "out of it", like a party pooper. Now it's my turn to say sorry for hijacking this thread and rambling.

So we both have our issues, eh?

 

[luv4godremains]

lol, yer, it's really hard, I just wish I could let go of some of the self controll I have over food, and give it to my drinking! lol, I'm not that bad, but when I do get the chance to drink, boy do i drink! it's pretty ridiculous! oh well, guess God's got it nuder control, well, as soon as I let him have it anyway! lol, spose that's probably what I should be working on more at the moment, giving God the control!

 

[greenonion]

Exactly. We can't do it ourselves, we totally need God's control over our lives. That's what I'm trying to figure out- exactly how to let God take over.

 

[luv4godremains]

yer, God will get us there! I hope, that doesn't mean we have to stop trying though!

 

[AngylBelle]

I really don't have any words of encouragement, all I can do is share my story too.

I grew up in the mid-west United States where all there is is farms, fields, and booze. I drank away four years of my life ... I truly mean it when I say high school is a blurr. What made me kick the habit? My dad turned out to be an alcoholic...he was fired from his job of 15 years because he got wasted at my graduation party and failed a random pee test at work the next morning. He has never recovered. He for some reason feels that he lost his manhood with his job, he has no dignity, self resprect, or true love for others...even his family. My parents marriage is failing because of him and now that I live 2,000 miles away, there is little that I can do to protect my younger sister from this bad influence. After all this first happened, all I wanted to do was drink...and it made me feel better for a while. The drinking turned into abusing sleeping pills, which almost took my life. That night is when I realized that I no longer was drinking with friends to have fun and party, I was drinking because I was depressed and becoming more and more like the father who is tearing my family apart. Let me tell you, it was a real wake up call. I hope that it doesn't take something as drastic as waking up in the emergency room having your stomach pumped and hearing that phone call to your parents across the country by a doctor who is calling it an attempted suicide. Who knows, maybe subcontiously I was trying to kill myself. But I got over it. Every one has a rock bottom...it just takes some people longer to hit it before they realize how stupid substance abuse is. I have finally got my life under control and you will too. I am not saying that you can never drink again...just don't let it control your life. Besides, being only 15, you have so much life left to lead...don't screw it up now. If I had known what I know now at your age, I could have avoided so much pain and heartache. Stay strong girl. Jesus loves us even when we make mistakes!

 

[luv4godremains]

thanks Angy|Belle, I know it's something I will probably struggle with for at least a long time, but I want out, I guess I just gotta keep praying bout it all! I'm sorry you had such a bad time with it! and Glad you got out!
I don't want to end up like that, dependant on it, dependant on other things to make me whole, I've had enough of trying to make myself feel better with things that I really shouldn't, I'm gonna start turning to God more!