Friend or not?

DreamsAreFree · Jul 20, 2009

I have a friend who will only get together on her own terms. She won't get together before 11am as that is too early and too hard. She is home all day and has few commitments. I am working and studying. I've tried to meet her half way by offering to get together on a day that doesn't really suit me but fits with her - other than the time. On that day I can only meet her at 9.30am but that's too early for her. Friend or not?

freeport · Jul 20, 2009

DreamsAreFree said:
I have a friend who will only get together on her own terms. She won't get together before 11am as that is too early and too hard. She is home all day and has few commitments. I am working and studying. I've tried to meet her half way by offering to get together on a day that doesn't really suit me but fits with her - other than the time. On that day I can only meet her at 9.30am but that's too early for her. Friend or not?

Being a friend is about accepting people as they are. That includes what sleep schedules they have, one should not take that personally. That is who they are. Not everyone is the same. The world would be a very boring place if they were.

Some go to bed early all the time, some do not. Some are vegetarian, some are not. Some like classical, some like country. I try and live and let live with friends. Evil for me is not about likes or food or sleep schedules: but about deceit in the heart, and even that is normal.

Be careful that you are not looking for some reason to "throw away" a friend, because if they want to be your friend and you are the one who does not: it doesn't matter if you claim it is their fault.

You have to live and let live with people and their differences.

What matters is if there can be a heart connection. Those who speak warmly with their lips, but not with their hearts: those are the ones who are not really friends.

DreamsAreFree · Jul 20, 2009

This is not about 'live or let live'. It's about is someone who won't make an effort a friend at all? I wonder if this is why I am her only friend? I'm willing to inconvenience myself to get together with her but she will only do it if it doesn't require any effort her her part.

Johnnz · Jul 20, 2009

Time will tell. People are different. Maybe some find us hard too. (can't imagine why though!!!!)

We can enjoy people for who they are. I have found really good friends are few in life. Treasure them when you find them. Most friends are for a season. They change with each of our changing circumstances.

John
NZ

DreamsAreFree · Jul 20, 2009

I'll just leave the door open to her and if she wants to make an effort, she will.

wonderwaleye · Jul 20, 2009

DreamsAreFree said:
I have a friend who will only get together on her own terms. She won't get together before 11am as that is too early and too hard. She is home all day and has few commitments. I am working and studying. I've tried to meet her half way by offering to get together on a day that doesn't really suit me but fits with her - other than the time. On that day I can only meet her at 9.30am but that's too early for her. Friend or not?

GOD lets you know who is a friend and why:

Sirach
Chapter 6

5 A kind mouth multiplies friends, and gracious lips prompt friendly greetings.

6 Let your acquaintances be many, but one in a thousand your confidant.

7 When you gain a friend, first test him, and be not too ready to trust him

8 For one sort of friend is a friend when it suits him, but he will not be with you in time of distress.

9 Another is a friend who becomes an enemy, and tells of the quarrel to your shame.

10 Another is a friend, a boon companion, who will not be with you when sorrow comes.

11 When things go well, he is your other self, and lords it over your servants;

12 But if you are brought low, he turns against you and avoids meeting you.

13 Keep away from your enemies; be on your guard with your friends.

14 A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure.

15 A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth.

16 A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy, such as he who fears God finds;

17 For he who fears God behaves accordingly, and his friend will be like himself.

Sirach
Chapter 9

9:14. Forsake not an old friend, for the new will not be like to him.

9:15. A new friend is as new wine: it shall grow old, and thou shalt drink it with pleasure.

Sirach
Chapter 12

12:8. A friend shall not be known in prosperity, and an enemy shall not be hidden in adversity.

12:9. In the prosperity of a man, his enemies are grieved: and a friend is known in his adversity.

Sirach
Chapter 22

22:24. He that pricketh the eye, bringeth out tears: and he that pricketh the heart, bringeth forth resentment.

22:25. He that flingeth a stone at birds, shall drive them away: so he that upbraideth his friend, breaketh friendship.

22:26. Although thou hast drawn a sword at a friend, despair not: for there may be a returning. To a friend,

22:27. If thou hast opened a sad mouth, fear not, for there may be a reconciliation: except upbraiding, and reproach, and pride, and disclosing of secrets, or a treacherous wound: for in all these cases a friend will flee away.

22:28. Keep fidelity with a friend in his poverty, that in his prosperity also thou mayst rejoice.

22:29. In the time of his trouble continue faithful to him, that thou mayst also be heir with him in his inheritance.

22:30. As the vapour of a chimney, and the smoke of the fire goeth up before the fire: so also injurious words, and reproaches, and threats, before blood.

22:31. I will not be ashamed to salute a friend, neither will I hide myself from his face: and if any evil happen to me by him, I will bear it.

22:32. But every one that shall hear it, will beware of him.

Sirach
Chapter 37

37:1. Every friend will say: I also am his friend: but there is a friend, that is only a friend in name. Is not this a grief even to death?

37:2. But a companion and a friend shall be turned to an enemy.

37:3. O wicked presumption, whence camest thou to cover the earth with thy malice, and deceitfulness?

37:4. There is a companion who rejoiceth with his friend in his joys, but in the time of trouble, he will be against him.

37:5. There is a companion who condoleth with his friend for his belly's sake, and he will take up a shield against the enemy.

37:6. Forget not thy friend in thy mind, and be not unmindful of him in thy riches.

With this WISDOM it brings UNDERSTANDING and lets us know it's not our fault things happen like they do. So therefore making it easier to live with.

LOVE

steven

Mr.Cheese · Jul 20, 2009

hikingchick77 · Jul 20, 2009

Some people are just inflexible - just makes them inflexible, not a bad friend.

Aibrean · Jul 20, 2009

Just because they can't make time for you when you want them to does not mean they don't want to be friend's with you. Some of my friends I see rarely. We have conflicting work schedules and live far apart. If you can still keep in contact that's what matters. I chat with my friends on IM or can email them to keep in touch.

Just because she is at home doesn't mean she isn't doing anything.

freeport · Jul 20, 2009

DreamsAreFree said:
This is not about 'live or let live'. It's about is someone who won't make an effort a friend at all? I wonder if this is why I am her only friend? I'm willing to inconvenience myself to get together with her but she will only do it if it doesn't require any effort her her part.

Don't get me wrong, I have a long list of friends that don't inconvenience themselves to be friends. In an absurd manner. And they do disgust me at times.

If they want to go, "go", I am not going to run off and chase them. They might disgust me when they do that, but I drop that when they come back.

So, maybe I don't have the full picture here. I wouldn't worry about someone not having friends, however, unless they are good people who are run over by the world. A lot of good people are isolated from the world and can use comforters.

On time schedules, however, time schedules can simply conflict. I wouldn't fret over them, but leave the door open and stop bending over backwards for them.

All you spoke about was getting them to meet you early in the morning.

From just that it sounds like they are just not a "morning person".

DreamsAreFree · Jul 20, 2009

I realise I am not giving enough background here but I don't feel the need, or that it's fair, to post it. Maybe I just won't be as accommodating as I have been in the past so it's not so one sided and I'll focus on the friends that are willing to put the effort in and realise it's about give and take. She can do certain times she just 'doesn't want to' and the time she does want to do are times I absolutely can't because I'm at work. I'm as flexible as I can be within the hours I have available, even if it's not that convenient for me, so I guess that says how much of a priority friendship is for her. I have given her the days and times I am free and told her that if she wants to get together to let me know. I guess, like someone said, some friendships have seasons and this is one where our responsibilities or needs don't mesh well.

Mr.Cheese · Jul 20, 2009

DreamsAreFree · Jul 20, 2009

Mr.Cheese said:
i do have to say that friendship shouldn't be like trying to get a doctor's appointment with a doctor who isn't accepting new patients.
no need to try to clap with one hand.

That puts it quite well. Though this situation is more like the patient being offered appointments at times they are free but choose not to take because they want one that is already booked.

freeport · Jul 20, 2009

DreamsAreFree said:
I realise I am not giving enough background here but I don't feel the need, or that it's fair, to post it. Maybe I just won't be as accommodating as I have been in the past so it's not so one sided and I'll focus on the friends that are willing to put the effort in and realise it's about give and take. She can do certain times she just 'doesn't want to' and the time she does want to do are times I absolutely can't because I'm at work. I'm as flexible as I can be within the hours I have available, even if it's not that convenient for me, so I guess that says how much of a priority friendship is for her. I have given her the days and times I am free and told her that if she wants to get together to let me know. I guess, like someone said, some friendships have seasons and this is one where our responsibilities or needs don't mesh well.

*sigh* Well, I apologize for coming from the other direction, but did not have full facts. (Granted, I did say there are people I let go and do not chase them, if I recall.)

You should not be a door mat for people. That is not turning the other cheek. The Pharisees wanted Jesus to be a door mat, but He would not do it, so they eventually killed Him.

Like I said, I have some so-called "friends" like that. I let them go. Doesn't mean I do not feel disgust at them. I do. If they came back and decided to value me properly, I would welcome them. But, as it stands, I am not going to chase them down.

Like you, I have done plenty of that, and at the end of the day, it just disgusts me to have even tried.

When they do come back - friends - I do put that away.

Forgiving and understanding what evil people do are two different things. Forgiving or letting go to God does not mean that we say the evil they did was acceptable or that we should not be disgusted at it.

In your case it does not sound like she is not making time for you because she is clinking cups with the devil, so hopefully you can move on more easily.

AmeriLovesJesus · Jul 20, 2009

She also may not like the pressure u seem to be putting on her to come out. I had a friend I grew up with was always there for then eventually I stopped wanting to hang out with her .. I mean I wanted to but she would put a lot of pressure on me about it to the point I felt like I had to answer to her when I had anything else to do with my life that most of the time made me unavailable for her. You also saying that her actions could be the reason she has no friends well really she may not want to have friends, she could have insecurities, and I agree with another poster on here something in her life could be effecting her to the point she wants to isolate herself.. I have been like that myself before.

DreamsAreFree · Jul 20, 2009

AmeriLovesJesus said:
She also may not like the pressure u seem to be putting on her to come out. I had a friend I grew up with was always there for then eventually I stopped wanting to hang out with her .. I mean I wanted to but she would put a lot of pressure on me about it to the point I felt like I had to answer to her when I had anything else to do with my life that most of the time made me unavailable for her. You also saying that her actions could be the reason she has no friends well really she may not want to have friends, she could have insecurities, and I agree with another poster on here something in her life could be effecting her to the point she wants to isolate herself.. I have been like that myself before.

I haven't put any pressure on her. She's the one that has been doing the inviting and I'm trying to accommodate her. I'd kind of given up on her when I got an email out of the blue wanting to get together so I said ok.

I think what freeport says above is right. I'm open to her approach but she has to be willing to make the effort to co-ordinate too.

Friend or not?

Ps46:10 Jer33:3

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