Friend Advice

[shorty1820]

So I met this guy on zoosk. We started to talk and hang out to see about dating. well I told him that I wanted to wait till marriage for sex. He told me he could not wait. So I stopped talking to him for a week . Then I had to get a thing back for a light he was going to fix so i was nice to him and he told me he need time and space. so I gave him that for two weeks till today I sent him a message and said i just want to see how you are doing? He said he is doing good. He said he is a christian but has not been to church in a while. I have prayed for him to change his heart and that he will go back to god. So should i be his friend or just leave him alone ? What should I do ?

 

[RobertMerton]

first thing i will say is to be extremely careful about 'missionary dating'.

 

[explodingboy]

I expect you could do better.

 

[MarisCrane]

You're being a tease. I find it hard to believe this was the only person who could repair a light for you, or provide parts to fix a light for you, that you just 'had' to contact him after you said sex was never going to be on the menu.

It's fine if you want to wait, but continuing to pursue this person when they have told you a) they are uninterested in waiting, and b) want space (in other words, for you to leave them alone) is not proving that you intend to stick with your morals.

 

[shorty1820]

I am just being his friend right now. I am praying to see what god thing i should do about it all .

 

[MarisCrane]

I am just being his friend right now. I am praying to see what god thing i should do about it all .

In your mind, what you're doing is just being friendly. If I was a man, having a conversation about something as intimate as sex with someone I met on zoosk - not even in a real, everyday situation - and she continued even after I said I wanted or expected sex in a relationship to contact me... I'm sorry, I would not think she just wanted to be friends or a part for a light bulb.

 

[shorty1820]

well i am a christian girl . i do not have sex with guy and never have. I just want to be friends and if something happens it cause it is what god wants .

 

[MarisCrane]

well i am a christian girl . i do not have sex with guy and never have. I just want to be friends and if something happens it cause it is what god wants .

Congrats. However, you're missing the point - you don't need to be sexually promiscuous to act (intentionally or not) like a tease, or lead someone on.

Anyways, good luck.

 

[shorty1820]

he does not want a relationship right now with anyone so we are just friends.

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

Internet sites are not a good place to find good, outstanding Christian men.

Most men who visit internet dating or social networking sites are interested in one thing: sex. Not really a relationship, just the sex. And they will hound you until you give it to them.

 

[explodingboy]

Internet sites are not a good place to find good, outstanding Christian men.

Most men who visit internet dating or social networking sites are interested in one thing: sex. Not really a relationship, just the sex. And they will hound you until you give it to them.

I'm most offended.

despite my boyfriend telling me it's mostly true while I voice outrage, I'd like to point out I use the internet to date because.. I spend allot of time on the internet and figured odd folk like me might do the same.

Though I'd also wonder why I said that because I don't really date.. I just sort of end up in long term relationships..

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

Your icon says Atheist. So unless that has changed I stand my ground.

I'm not necessarily talking about Christian Forums or other Christian websites, I'm talking about dating and social networking sites, intended for that purpose. I have tried some myself at one point and found that most men there are really only interested in talking to someone long enough to meet them and have sex... not more than that.

A good, OUTSTANDING Christian man would find another way to find someone. Perhaps on a Christian message board, but that's better than a dating or social networking site.

 

[Nomarga]

A good, OUTSTANDING Christian man would find another way to find someone. Perhaps on a Christian message board, but that's better than a dating or social networking site.

No TRUE Scotsman uses a dating site to find a mate. Everyone knows this...

 

[explodingboy]

Your icon says Atheist. So unless that has changed I stand my ground.

Indeed, I tried being Christian for about.. 18yrs, but found the morals and ethics far too lacking for my liking.

I'm not necessarily talking about Christian Forums or other Christian websites, I'm talking about dating and social networking sites, intended for that purpose. I have tried some myself at one point and found that most men there are really only interested in talking to someone long enough to meet them and have sex... not more than that.

Indeed I've tried.. 2 dating social sites, mainly out of manic boredom, in the interest of meeting folk, and 1 sugar daddy/Lass site thing.. but I never got through the account creation, because I wasn't sure how much of a price tag to put on myself.

Honestly though, it's not hard to scare off the folk that only want sex. and either the lad I'm dating now didn't realize how serious I was at the time who knows, but it's almost the one year mark now so I can't really complain. (plus he's a right nerd )

A good, OUTSTANDING Christian man would find another way to find someone. Perhaps on a Christian message board, but that's better than a dating or social networking site.

surely an outstanding Christian just prays until one falls in his lap, and i did that too.. she turned out to be a right crazy and cheated on me 3yrs down the line.. (also she was the "devout" christian.. I was just the "british" one)

 

[WiredSpirit]

I'm going to have to second the "tease" motion. I do use the internet to date because I'm honestly too shy to start conversations in person and I honestly don't like going out too often. So this guy may not be looking for a relationship, but chances are good he's not looking for "just friends" either. He's just casting his line for a chance to get his worm wet. I will use Plenty-of-fish or OKCupid, meet somebody and take it over to Facebook. That way you can get to really see who the person is from the way they interact with their own friends. Then take it to the phone, then meet, etc.

 

[WiredSpirit]

Your icon says Atheist. So unless that has changed I stand my ground.

I'm not necessarily talking about Christian Forums or other Christian websites, I'm talking about dating and social networking sites, intended for that purpose. I have tried some myself at one point and found that most men there are really only interested in talking to someone long enough to meet them and have sex... not more than that.

A good, OUTSTANDING Christian man would find another way to find someone. Perhaps on a Christian message board, but that's better than a dating or social networking site.

I'm not an atheist but explodingboy makes some good points. If you just don't like going out to the latest social hot spot every weekend the internet is the only way to meet somebody that's looking and like-minded.

 

[explodingboy]

I'm not an atheist but explodingboy makes some good points. If you just don't like going out to the latest social hot spot every weekend the internet is the only way to meet somebody that's looking and like-minded.

I'd also add that social hot spots are more likely to be great places to find your one night stand.. hence why they're such hot spots.

Internet with a little bit of brain power is allot easier to filter who you do and don't talk too.. plus nice people a bit on the shy side, are more likely to be online that in the social hot spot looking like fish out of water.

 

[Luther073082]

Internet sites are not a good place to find good, outstanding Christian men.

Most men who visit internet dating or social networking sites are interested in one thing: sex. Not really a relationship, just the sex. And they will hound you until you give it to them.

Have you done any significant research to back up this claim? Because without research backing this up, this is just you making value judgements of people based on how they choose to date.

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

At one point I tried a couple myself hoping to find someone who wasn't 40 years old to marry (long story.) I have had friends who tried internet dating on these sites and the "Christian" guy they found wanted to have sex with them the first time they met, etc. Not just isolated cases, about 15 of my friends tried this with the same result. One gave in and she never heard from the guy again.

Again the problem is not on Christian message boards, but with internet dating sites.

 

[Luther073082]

At one point I tried a couple myself hoping to find someone who wasn't 40 years old to marry (long story.) I have had friends who tried internet dating on these sites and the "Christian" guy they found wanted to have sex with them the first time they met, etc. Not just isolated cases, about 15 of my friends tried this with the same result. One gave in and she never heard from the guy again.

Again the problem is not on Christian message boards, but with internet dating sites.

Which ones? There are a lot of internet dating sites. A site like Eharmony asks the question among many other questions as to when you belive sexual activity is appropriate.