I received Jesus into my heart at the age of 6...I remember praying with my Mom on my knees at age 6 due to my insistence. I remember feeling very moved and close in my spiritual connectivity. But then my life somewhere and somehow began unraveling.
It began as a discipline problem in school in the 1st grade where eventually I'd grow up into High School in fights...started drinking, skipping school, bad grades. We'd moved a couple of times and my Mom had remarried a couple of times. Family life was scary and I remember being a teenager praying to God. When I drank I felt okay, when I wasn't drinking I was crying and praying to God we'd be okay. I ran away from home a few times. Eventually college came and its a miracle I survived it but I'd run away from home TO college and believe it or not, was accepted withOUT my SAT scores. God was carrying me.
After college graduation at the top of my class, still drinking, went back home. Started drinking heavily again when family life was strifed with more pain and angst...Ran away again but not before asking God to remove my addiction to alcohol. My addiction to alcohol was removed before the night was over. I ran away again - but this time, I was an adult - God was carrying me.
I forgot I was an alcoholic and drank some about a year later to celebrate my birthday. Reunited with the family and went for a visit. Stayed drinking during the visit, came back home where I'd continue to drink for 5 more years; Staying drunk more or less every night. In 2002 again asked God to remove my addiction. My addiction was removed and this time I joined a fellowship which would remind me not to pick up the first drink. God had carried me.
Now I am learning that God was with me every step of the way. Sometimes I feel disconnected from God but that's usually when I am in my own will or obsessive thinking. Mostly I can see God's will and work in everything I am involved in. I still have a problem with mean, abusive and belittling people...can't tolerate them and won't. But I don't have to have my solution in a bottle. My solution is a spiritual toolkit which relies on God's power in my life. God has saved me from addiction, death, disease, dereliction, insanity and institutions.
Death was not the worse that could have happened to me while I was out there. Spiritual death was the worst thing that could have happened to me while I was out there and I lived it. I
was in hell; took the tour, wrote the book and met the master of it. It was...there are no words. But the point is that God was my solution when I decided I had no more solutions and my best ideas quit working.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Love, Peace and Light,
Samsara
