Freaking out. Careful might trigger.

[berry2000]

Okay need a place to be totally honest with where i am at. I am totally struggling with sui thoughts but i'm not going to act. Just the intrusive thoughts that are so bothersome. I know this is my bipolar disorder acting out as well as my self harm addiction. Anyways seeking support and encouragment. I feel like i'm nearing the end of my rope as far as coping. I know self harm could take me back from the edge and calm me down. But i'm trying so hard to quit, it's been 6 months and i don't want to risk loosing that six months.

 

[zsepthenne]

I think you're talking about suicidal ideation and self injury? I get so darn confused with all the acronyms these days!
I know what you mean though, when you're cruising along and these thoughts come sneaking and lurking in. I find it's easier for me if I calm down a bit as I have a tendency to obsess over it and keep it in the front of my mind, ya know?
Just remember the rotten thoughts do go away. I try to think of times when I felt better to remind myself. You will feel better. May the Lord bless you.

 

[rushingwind62]

I suggest finding a soothing cd. Could be a meditation cd or just one with some soothing music. Sit down with it, close your eyes and just start breathing slowly and deeply. Try to relax as you do it and close off any thoughts you might have. Just listen to the cd. This is what works for me when I get real anxious about something. I hope it works for you....Praying for you....God Bless

 

[Alive again]

Okay need a place to be totally honest with where i am at. I am totally struggling with sui thoughts but i'm not going to act. Just the intrusive thoughts that are so bothersome. I know this is my bipolar disorder acting out as well as my self harm addiction. Anyways seeking support and encouragment. I feel like i'm nearing the end of my rope as far as coping. I know self harm could take me back from the edge and calm me down. But i'm trying so hard to quit, it's been 6 months and i don't want to risk loosing that six months.

Excellent suggestions so far, as well as your idea to come here and vent! and find support!
First THANK YOU for honestly labeling triggers, you are amazing to think of others admist your own battles!

SECOND AND MOST IMPORTANT !!!

WOOHOO! WAY TO GO AND CONGRATS ^MONTHS! THAT IS AMAZING!!! Give yourself some hard earned credit and praise there and thank you Lord and Saviour, for enabling and strengthening our dear sister for this!

Third I am praying as I type for those thoughts to flee and God to continue to enable and strengthen you during this time!

Sounds like you have many good coping skills you are working already. When all of my coping skills are failing me including praying, music, reading, getting out, withdrawing, sleeping, talking to others, calling for help, etc!!! I have a tape of the bible that is listen to and have relaxation music on and I focus on those truths and those truths alone. I am loved, accepted, God has a plan, that combo of calming music/sounds and focusing on God's truth helps. I also have a tension tamer tea or a chamomile tea that takes the edge of my nerves and thoughts without turning to other meds.

I am praying for wisdom form God for you as to how to fight this!

 

[berry2000]

Thank you all for your support. I was able to stay safe from self harm last night. I got to talk with a wonderful CF moderator for a little while. I figured out 3 distractions and used 2 of them. I am feeling less anxious today so far. Zsepth you are excatly right in your guesses with what i was talking about. I'm not out of the woods yet but so far it seems i'm doing better.

 

[graceskr]

Glad you're better, berry2000

I've never acted on the thoughts of self-harm, but certainly have felt the urge to do so ...long before I knew anyone ever did act on the thoughts. So I think this is a manifestation of some bipolar profiles. Don't know if it helps to say it's part of bipolar and not another addiction, but that's what I think. Anyhow, I'm so glad that you're better!

 

[Alive again]

Thank you all for your support. I was able to stay safe from self harm last night. I got to talk with a wonderful CF moderator for a little while. I figured out 3 distractions and used 2 of them. I am feeling less anxious today so far. Zsepth you are excatly right in your guesses with what i was talking about. I'm not out of the woods yet but so far it seems i'm doing better.

So glad to hear1 continuing to pray!

 

[goldenviolet]

little berry i always go to hospital when i feel this way. it's comforting to have them help me sort out the stress that's triggering my down swing. there's also break-through meds for these times if it's causing too much scattered and confused thinking. most of all, i'm proud of you for posting. it's good to get loving, fellowship/ prayers, and to not be alone at times like this. remember to use our 'exspert' thread too up in the stickies. there's somerthing about getting reminded of our helps and moods that is a great resource. ~ love dee

 

[berry2000]

Hello my friend dee. Thanks for your reply. I try not to go to the hospital unless my life is in danger. Which it was not. I seem to be okay today. Sometimes these thoughts come. I learn to ride them. Sometimes it is harder and i need support, i guess we all do. I guess a bit of wisdom is knowing which coping skill to use when. I think i am getting better, as it seems you are already also self aware. Isn't it strange how we each need to learn ourselves and know ourselves enough to understand what we need to do at different times. I think i am getting there. It's strange but I guess this is part of my bipolar disorder. Good news is I'M THRU IT THIS TIME.

 

[Alive again]

Hello my friend dee. Thanks for your reply. I try not to go to the hospital unless my life is in danger. Which it was not. I seem to be okay today. Sometimes these thoughts come. I learn to ride them. Sometimes it is harder and i need support, i guess we all do. I guess a bit of wisdom is knowing which coping skill to use when. I think i am getting better, as it seems you are already also self aware. Isn't it strange how we each need to learn ourselves and know ourselves enough to understand what we need to do at different times. I think i am getting there. It's strange but I guess this is part of my bipolar disorder. Good news is I'M THRU IT THIS TIME.

Such true and wise words!

 

[goldenviolet]

lol. sometimes i go to hospital just to see the county crisis counselors. it's free in the usa to consult the crisis counselors. sometimes they decide i should go into the hospital; sometimes they send me to a temporary group home with a nurse; so i can destress in a safe place... or sometimes i just sit and talk; or phone them. i agree that hospitalization is the nessasary thing when we feel too vurnable to our down swing/ cycle. but i like someone to talk to, who can help me get my thinking back on track. i'm one who can get very confused. i'm very happy you sorted it out. and it was so nice for you to encourage me. thank you. i just wish everyone had the resources i have. medically and family. i may sound so sure and together; but so many lovely blessings protect me. the Lord is so good; and He allows me many blessings and even contenment in my thorns of mental illness.

 

[berry2000]

Sorry i didn't reply sooner...the thread sort of fell to the bottom and i didn't see you posted again. I am glad that you have all that support it truly helps. I have a lot of support too...although i'm truly feeling the loss of my therapist. She is out on medical leave. But she and I decided it was time to take a break...we thought it was a good time to try to handle things on my own with the things i have learned. Ahhh. Why did i think that was a good idea? I'd be one thing if she was there and I could call and check it but she's not so I'm feeling a tad bit alone. Although i know I have so muc other support as you mentioned. Friends and family.

As for hospitals. I don't see them as such a great resource. Atleast not around here. I'd rather go crash at a friends house away from all my responsibilities and sleep indefinately until my body restarts itself than go to the hospital. I haven't have much positive experiences there.