Foster Parenting?

[AlabamaMan]

Anyone here ever done or doing now any foster parenting? My wife and I are thinking about this and I just wanted some info. We also thought about adopting eventually.

 

[Ms.Garnet]

Granted it has been 21+ yrs. since we became foster parents - I still want to tell you it can be a wonderful experience. I know laws & processes have changed over this many years - but children are still children - and all children want to be loved , cared for , & given security. If you have a heart for children and can love a child you did not "create" and live with the fact that knowing this child may be yours only for a short while - then it can be a very rewarding experience.
We became foster parents by the devine plan of God & that is a long , but wonderful story in and of itself. When we finally did get everything done to have children in our home - we had been childless for 10 yrs. and overnight we became foster parents to a preteen and a preschooler - sisters from the same family. Within 2 months we took their 14 month old brother also! Talk about adjustments ! I don't have any regrets . We had the 2 younger ones for 5 yrs. before they were freed for adoption. That is another miracle story too - can you imagine an income of $24 dollars a week and whatever your hubby could make cutting yards? Does God work miracles or what! They both are grown and we have 3 adorable grandchildren. I would give anything in the world if I could continue to be a foster parent - I would have all the preschoolers & young elem. age they would allow. I just love the younger ones because they haven't had as long of a life to be exposed for so long to the horrors life can cast on upon them sometimes. Little ones just want someone to love them, be good to them, feed , cloth & clean them, and give them security. Little children love church & can be taught so many wonderful christian truths through music & Bible stories. It is very hard to invest yourself in a child unconditionally & know that at any given time - they may be gone - but that is a good thing if their biological family has gotten their situation improved so that the family can be "whole & healthy" again! If you have questions - I will be glad to answer what little I know. We only had the 3 children as foster ch., but along the years we have done special things to reach out to other children in crisis situations. Have you contacted DHR and ask for information on foster parenting? They have a booklet & will be glad to talk to you. P.S. I live in SE Ala. ! Roooooooooooool Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide!

 

[AlabamaMan]

Thanks ms.garnet! We are still praying about this decision. We both would love to do it and we love kids. We may go ahead and get the booklet from DHR. If you can share anything else that is helpful please do. How long is the process to become foster parents?

 

[Ms.Garnet]

I truely do not know how long it takes now - but I feel sure the process takes much longer now because (and it is very good) I think now you are checked much more thoroughly (background check, etc.) finger printed (not sure about that, but we were in our daycare jobs), and the paperwork is pretty hefty I think. Again, I am not real sure. I know now a lot of counties require classes before getting licensed. We had nothing - which I always felt was not right. We had an excellent social worker who recruited us - they did all the paper work- she was an excellent support when we needed advice. When we were foster parents MANY people thought we were doing it for the money that you get each month! I was always appalled by that notion. First of all - we used every cent we got for the oldest child for tuition in a private school. We thought a christian school would at least give her a sound foundation on principles we stood for. We did not get paid for the 40 mile round trip we made twice a day to take her there either , nor did we get paid for all the extra things the school experience required for her to feel she fit in with her peers. I do not regret one penny spent on her - we loved the children & took them as our own & did our very best to treat them as if they had been born into our family. A lot of people over & over would tell us they could not believe how well we dressed our children. That always blew my mind! We were not rich or even well off - again - we used the money we were paid on things they needed. Once or twice a year they were given a token clothing allowance. The smaller kids got a pitiful amount and the older child got more (but not much) because they go to school , etc. Their medicine & health needs were paid by medicaid/medicare (not sure which one). Sometimes at christmas some group would come along & want to adopt a foster child for christmas or the agency would give them toys- 99% of the time it was "well used" toys. That always irratated me - kids no matter what situation they are in want a new shiney toy . I am not at all against used toys, but a least one new toy could be given along with the used ones & the used ones could at least not look worn out! Of course they got christmas from us just like we would do for our selves! It just always aggrivated me that people somehow had the notion that foster children were to look like rag-a-muffins with tangled hair, runny nose, dirty face, and be grateful to get the yard sale cast offs for toys! I may sound harsh, but that was just my experience. I went to the other extreme to make the children feel they were just as important to God & society as other boys & girls who lived with their natural family. We attended every meeting offered to us that had anything to do with their natural family - so we knew the family they came from & I can now tell the two we adopted what we learned from those meetings. I NEVER EVER introduced the children as "my foster child" or " my adopted child". They were and have always been "my child". Now there are many programs and support groups for foster parents. I think Ala. has a yearly picnic for all foster families, foster parent of the year award, etc. I am sorry I can't offer much up to date information. I know a lady who has foster children & I see her once a week or so . I will try to remember to ask her what is involved now with the program. I wish you both much happiness & wisdom as you seek God's will for your life.

 

[skipper]

I am currently a foster/adoptive parent. I have been doing this for five years we have had about thirty children we have adopted one. There is a great need for foster parents but I think you need to think very hard about it and pray. These children can be very difficult. Most of them have been severly damaged emotional, physically and mentally, a lot of them even sexually. It is incredibly rewarding and at times very draining.
We had to take a total of fourty hours of classes, a background check, a complete home study, CPR and first aid. It took us about three months to get liscensed and the next day we had what all the other foster parents refered to as a child from HE!! she did wonderful at our house, she came to stay with us after she left care, the week before she was killed in a car accident. This was one of my success stories, I miss her greatly.
It can be a rollercoaster ride, depending on the type of children you are willing to accept. We are theraputic foster parents so we get the harder children, they are usually older, and much more difficult. If you feel drawn to this I would check into it foster children need good role models and to know that they are worthy of something better. Please feel free to contact me if you have any specific questions

 

[DonVA]

I am currently a foster/adoptive parent. I have been doing this for five years we have had about thirty children we have adopted one. There is a great need for foster parents but I think you need to think very hard about it and pray. These children can be very difficult. Most of them have been severly damaged emotional, physically and mentally, a lot of them even sexually. It is incredibly rewarding and at times very draining.
We had to take a total of fourty hours of classes, a background check, a complete home study, CPR and first aid. It took us about three months to get liscensed and the next day we had what all the other foster parents refered to as a child from HE!! she did wonderful at our house, she came to stay with us after she left care, the week before she was killed in a car accident. This was one of my success stories, I miss her greatly.
It can be a rollercoaster ride, depending on the type of children you are willing to accept. We are theraputic foster parents so we get the harder children, they are usually older, and much more difficult. If you feel drawn to this I would check into it foster children need good role models and to know that they are worthy of something better. Please feel free to contact me if you have any specific questions

Skipper's right. I'm single and a foster parent to a young boy who came to me when he was 11. He's going on 14, and adoption--although the process began over a year ago when his mother's parental rights were finally terminated--is still not final. It is now in the hands of the court, so hopefully his "forever" will get the seal of approval over the summer.

Know that even though children might "appear" unharmed by the lives that brought them into foster care, as time goes by you will begin to see the scars of their wounds. My son was a parentified child, having pretty much run what family he had prior to foster care, so his disrespect for authority and inability to trust adults to take care of his needs has been a constant struggle. It's been all about forcing him INTO a childhood that he feels he's already outgrown, even to the point where he was offended when a co-worker of mine said "What a cute little boy you are!" (instead of saying "thank you," he replied with "I'm NOT little!" SOOO... I walked him to a mirror and we stood side by side. I'm 6'1". He's 4'5". I asked: Which of us is big, and which of us is little?

It takes extra time, and some imagination, but it's working, and he's doing great (a boy scout, "A" honor roll, national junior honor society...), but it hasn't been without a LOT of love, very hard work and consisent discipline.

 

[romans324]

I am so touched by some of your stories and thank you for sharing them!

 

[chava]

One thing I don't think anyone mentioned (and since this is a Christian forum) If the child is of another religion (Remember even Santanism and Wicca are considered legal religions now) they cannot be forced to go to your church (that goes with kids who are christian and don't want to go) and they are supposed to be transported to the synagouge, covan, or mosque nearest to your home.

 

[chava]

Oh and also alot of children who come into your home will have already been through 8 different homes or have just been taken from their parents and I don't know which would be harder to deal with. I know there are alot of success stories on this thread and that's all great but these aren't just children they are children (yes even if you get three year olds) that have been raped, beated, and starved. They have been abused and normal punishments can damage them even further. Like grounding for instance. That child who has been abused when they are grounded have nothing to do but relive their pasts over and over again until they are ungrounded. Everything you do may seem innocent but to the child it's worse than being beat again because at least that goes away.
The countless hours of staying awake thinking about their past and the nightmares that come with it won't go away. So you have to seriously consider if you can handle this because if you can't and that child has to move one more time to a place where they might be beat again one more time, then you have seriously damaged this childs future.
And how I know all of this is because I have been in foster care for six years.

 

[JoyforJESUS]

I would suggest that you go to the Local department of social services and talk to the director of foster parenting. There are classes and such they will likly want you to take, and it is important. It is a MINISTRY and call from God. Thank you so very much for concidering this.

 

[BrBob]

Another thought, rather than dealing with your local social services department for short term foster care, consider one of the private foster care agencies for long term. We took a 14 year old girl (Crystal) in and became licensed with the Casey Family Program. We had her as one of our daughters (ours were 15 and 12 at the time) until she graduated from high school. She is now as much a part of our family as she is part of her birth family. We have one granddaughter and she is our Crystal's little one. We are as committed to that little baby as we would be our own natural born daughters children.

As far as private foster parent care agencies go, look for Catholic Social Services, Lutheran Social Services and Casey Family Progam. I'm sure there are others too.

Bob
Spearfish, SD

 

[peetred]

If you are wanting to become a foster parent, I would strongly urge you to check out Agency Based Foster Care in your area, instead of just plain state based. We are currently in training (only 4 sessions left!) with Agency Based and the training is far more extensive. Also with MOST Agencies, you will get far more support during your fostering than state. Not all agencies are that way but most.

Good luck. It is a very big decision to become foster parents.

 

[clycleader]

Kudos to all of you who are foster parents. I have considered it from time to time, but our family is not in a position to do so at this point.
I have worked in the social work field for approx 10 years and worked closely with some foster families. Some are so fantastic that you'd like to live with them yourself. Some are.....awful. I truly admire those who love it and love the children as they would their own child. Chava was right though, every child comes with their own past and most of them are traumatic. I pray that God contines you give you the knowledge and strength and LOVE to do it as long as you can.
Bless you.