Forgiving sexually abusing a child

[Michael Hawk]

Hi all,

Last year an older male in our family did the unthinkable to my younger niece. I won't get into too much detail but it wasn't rape, but still a very sick thing to do to a child.

The man in question is very old and I feel got off easy for the charges. He only has to serve his sentence part time and is able to go to family events.

Most of the family whose daughter got abused does not come to our family events anymore when this older man in question is also going. It makes me very upset because I think why does he not stay at home so this group of people can also attend? To me it is very selfish and disrespectful.

He is allowed to come to these events because some of the family obviously grew up with him and are very connected. I on the other hand am not attached to this man as some of the others and sometimes feel like telling him off at a family event. Though I do not want to make myself look bad, so I have stayed quiet.

Has anyone else had something similar happen to them and can shed some light? I have forgiven this man but it feels like some of the family welcoming him back in is too soon.

There is also a family event happening soon and he will be there again. I feel in protest that I should not attend for the family that also does not come. Any advice?

 

[Freakconformist]

I think it's not unreasonable for you to not attend, especially if you are uncomfortable around this man. Of course, I don't know all the circumstances, but it does sound like the rest of the family is being just a little too accepting of what he did. I know if it was my child, I would certainly be mad that everybody jumped back into his corner after a year.

I do have experience in this, as I was sexually abused at a young age myself. I can tell you, it took me years to be able to talk about it, by time I even knew what to call what happened to me, it was too late for prosecution. I still feel the psychological after affects. I had to learn to forgive my abusers, pretty much because I knew that there was no point in being angry. Hopefully, your niece, having a loving family around her will have an easier time than I did.

Maybe you can set up a time to do something with that family instead?

 

[chapmic]

Try not be angry with him, because anger can be a cancer that eats you up inside. I feel Jesus would try to heal this situation, are you close enough to the person where you can talk to him about going out and making amends with the family and the girl? Also I think its best to make sure the family and the girl are in a good emotional state. It is a terrible situation to happen to anyone, I pray for emotional and mental healing where they can continue to live their lives free of fear. Trauma from a situation like that can have a lasting effect, so I hope she knows that Christ still loves her and people can harm the body but nout our soul. We will live on forever because our love for Jesus and when we endure in the hard times because of our Love and hope for him he will provide eternal blessings that no one can take away. And life can still be enjoyed despite our trials and tribulations.

 

[NannaNae]

Michael maybe pray about inviting all of your family with small kids to your house or to an arranged house or place for the family party .. so that they can still have family time but with out the perverts that might prey on their children..

the problem I see with Wolves in a family is everyone is used to wolves and protects the wolves. so

so maybe choose to honor the child and her family instead of the wolf.

so get together and make the options of safe family gathering instead of that one for all who don't trust dirty old men. they all can and eventually will forgive but trust is another matter and those children need to be protected !

 

[orangeness365]

I know your family is not a church, and I don't know if the old perverted man calls himself a Christian, but 1 Corinthians 5:1-13 says that the church is to expel people calling themselves Christian while constantly practicing immorality. It's a difficult situation that may very well break the families apart, but I agree that the little girl should be protected from him. I had an abusive mom that just got up and left for no reason, and before we started really seeing her again, we made sure she was actually sorry for how she treated us, by simply saying sorry. Even that was tricky because she didn't say she was sorry for everything, and she denied some of the things she did to my family, but we figured any kind of apology was enough. Has this man even said that he was sorry for what he did to that little girl, or is he unrepentant about his abuse? Sometimes I just get sick of how if someone is a bully and hurts someone, everybody expects the victim to kiss and make up with the bully and be good friends afterwards, even if the abuse continues. It's nauseating, and this is worse than bullying in my opinion. I don't see why you should have to see that man either if you don't want to. If you feel like taking the side of the little girl instead of the man, then I think you should do it. Plus, it's easier to forgive people when you don't have to see them anymore.