My family knows I am avoiding my abuser. They are confused as to why. They have not really come out and asked me but I am told they did ask him. He says he has no idea. I have chosen to just avoid him when I can, even if it means not being with that part of my family on holidays and such. We all gather at his house on Christmas Eve. I have decided I do not need to feel obligated to attend his family functions.
I felt obligated on Thanksgiving because that holiday is my moms thing. We gather at her house. I did not talk to him at all and I ended up having a good time. Although he did make a comment about Sandusky deserving what is coming to him, I wanted to jump up and punch him since he felt that way.
God is teaching me about forgiveness. I grew tired of altar calls and offering my pain to God, only to have it lifted for a few hours. I started to grow angry everytime I heard such altar calls. My wife could not understand how I could leave church in a bad mood.
I now see that forgiveness is not about justice. It is not about never feeling the emotions again. God molded me for a reason. God wants me to be who I am and only he knows why right now I guess. If going to the Altar and receiving the grace of God, even if only for a few minutes, is what I am to do. I will. I will run to God over and over.
If a creditor forgives my debt. It does not means they need to trust me again. It does not mean they need to do business with me again. It just means they let a bad experience slide and they will reap the losses.
That all God asks of me I believe. He does not require me to be friends with this guy. He does not require me to subject myself to the hurt and pain everytime I see him. All I am required to do is to find it in me to let him off the hook. Allow God to work in my life and in the life of my abusers (although he mocks Christians, another reason I hate being around him).
Oh and on a side night. I had a "Holiday" card in my mailbox from my abuser today. Really???
I felt obligated on Thanksgiving because that holiday is my moms thing. We gather at her house. I did not talk to him at all and I ended up having a good time. Although he did make a comment about Sandusky deserving what is coming to him, I wanted to jump up and punch him since he felt that way.
God is teaching me about forgiveness. I grew tired of altar calls and offering my pain to God, only to have it lifted for a few hours. I started to grow angry everytime I heard such altar calls. My wife could not understand how I could leave church in a bad mood.
I now see that forgiveness is not about justice. It is not about never feeling the emotions again. God molded me for a reason. God wants me to be who I am and only he knows why right now I guess. If going to the Altar and receiving the grace of God, even if only for a few minutes, is what I am to do. I will. I will run to God over and over.
If a creditor forgives my debt. It does not means they need to trust me again. It does not mean they need to do business with me again. It just means they let a bad experience slide and they will reap the losses.
That all God asks of me I believe. He does not require me to be friends with this guy. He does not require me to subject myself to the hurt and pain everytime I see him. All I am required to do is to find it in me to let him off the hook. Allow God to work in my life and in the life of my abusers (although he mocks Christians, another reason I hate being around him).
Oh and on a side night. I had a "Holiday" card in my mailbox from my abuser today. Really???