I'm currently in an abusive marriage. My husband is sweet and loving one minute and abusive the next. He can be very manipulative and even use my feelings to get what he wants. Because the cycle has repeated itself for so many years, I have a hard time with forgiveness. I think that even if he wanted to change, it would be hard for me to forgive and trust him. But I know divorce is not an option. Anyone else been in this situation?
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Forgiveness?
- Thread starter Confidant
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What do you mean by "abuse"? Are you talking about physical violence? If you are, then I haven't been in your place, but this is what I'd tell you if you were my sister or daughter. This is only my opinion, so please take it prayerfully to see if it's right for you.
Is divorce an option when there's violence? Scripturally, that's debatable. However, at this point, you believe it isn't, so let's go from there. You may want to consider a period of separation instead of divorce, so that you're living in a place of safety while your husband gets some help. My advice would be to prepare an exit plan: find a safe place to stay, set some money aside, and pack a bag with the basic necessities. Your local battered women's shelter can help you with your plans, or call the National Domestic Abuse hotline (1-800-799-7233, www.ndvh.org) Then make your exit while he's away. It's very important that you not tell him beforehand, because men often escalate the violence when their wives attempt to leave.
If he has another violent episode before you can leave, call the police. Press charges. This isn't unloving. Allowing him to get away with being an abusive monster is far more unloving than giving him the opportunity to deal with his sins.
The point of leaving (and of pressing charges, if necessary) is not to end your marriage. It's to get you to a safe place, while holding him accountable for his behavior. If you stay, accept his behavior, and concentrate on forgiveness, he simply has no motive to change. Remove yourself from the situation, pray zealously for him, and let him deal with the consequences of his own sinful behavior. If he's serious about wanting you back, let him make the effort of prolonged professional counseling, including medication if necessary.
If he's verbally abusive, but not violent, then learn how to respond verbally in a way that takes the "fun" out of it for him. This, too, isn't about getting even; it's about holding him to a higher standard. This idea is explained further in a very Biblically-based book called Bold Love by Dan Allender. I've found this book very helpful in my dealings with difficult people, and perhaps you may find it helpful, too.
Is divorce an option when there's violence? Scripturally, that's debatable. However, at this point, you believe it isn't, so let's go from there. You may want to consider a period of separation instead of divorce, so that you're living in a place of safety while your husband gets some help. My advice would be to prepare an exit plan: find a safe place to stay, set some money aside, and pack a bag with the basic necessities. Your local battered women's shelter can help you with your plans, or call the National Domestic Abuse hotline (1-800-799-7233, www.ndvh.org) Then make your exit while he's away. It's very important that you not tell him beforehand, because men often escalate the violence when their wives attempt to leave.
If he has another violent episode before you can leave, call the police. Press charges. This isn't unloving. Allowing him to get away with being an abusive monster is far more unloving than giving him the opportunity to deal with his sins.
The point of leaving (and of pressing charges, if necessary) is not to end your marriage. It's to get you to a safe place, while holding him accountable for his behavior. If you stay, accept his behavior, and concentrate on forgiveness, he simply has no motive to change. Remove yourself from the situation, pray zealously for him, and let him deal with the consequences of his own sinful behavior. If he's serious about wanting you back, let him make the effort of prolonged professional counseling, including medication if necessary.
If he's verbally abusive, but not violent, then learn how to respond verbally in a way that takes the "fun" out of it for him. This, too, isn't about getting even; it's about holding him to a higher standard. This idea is explained further in a very Biblically-based book called Bold Love by Dan Allender. I've found this book very helpful in my dealings with difficult people, and perhaps you may find it helpful, too.
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Although im not a woman nor Abused by my wife, I was however abused by my dad. I had always lived in fear that he would beat me and my brother again. On one account I moved back in with him when I was 19 and we got into a verbal fight, I got directly in his face and took authority. He told me afterwards that he was afraid I was going to beat him. As a suggestion there might be a place to train in fighting. If so, dont join krav maga or tai kwon doe or anything along those lines. I took muay thai, and I took boxing. Be confident and take control. (however, this is only a suggestion) If it is verbal than you are always able to seek out counseling. I hope that this might help you and God be with you.
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Baptised1
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Ill hit him in his face -.- , i hate to ask this so bluntly could he be possessed ? I dont want to blame everything on demons here but have you tried to bless your home? You could tell if he feels uneasy and thats your que, he could be bi polar , stressed , have you tried talking to him? I know you are scared of him but..maybe it could be emotional ,i sorta feel blind here for some reason not really picking up alot , not really alot of information , how does he act , mood swings , can he control his self infront of others , normal social life? Drugs? There are alot of factors if you would PM me if you dont want people to know i think i could help you out because some things are just made uup in people's mind too and i think that is JUST him maybe. because my brother abuses his wife mentally and pushed her once and i think that is just him , i get nothing evil in his house when i go over there , but i do feel he is being oppresed by a demon but not activly hurting his life in that factor just influential stuff right now its him doing it and it could be this situation here , him simply making the wrong decisions that are obviously not simple in your life and he feels is doesnt bother you i think? Ill leave it there for now until you can post a little more
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