forgiveness, trust, and reconciliation. ...how are they not the same?

[Godislove94]

I struggle with forgiving someone who doesn't care that they hurt people and doesn't want to change or acknowledge that they need help for the issues that drive them to do what they do. I guess part of my problem is that I don't understand forgiveness. I've heard people say that these three things aren't related, that you can forgive someone without trusting or reconciling with them, but doesn't a lack of trust just prove that you still hold what they did to you against them? And the same with not wanting to reconcile or being able to. And when you do forgive them, are you automatically required to bring them to Christ if not try? My biggest fear is that if I fully forgive, God is going to tell me that I have to try and bring them to Christ and constantly be around them (basically put myself in a position to keep being hurt while not being allowed to protect myself), when all that does is tear me down emotionally and spiritually.

So really, what is the difference between the there? I don't believe there is any.

 

[Free at Calvary]

I struggle with forgiving someone who doesn't care that they hurt people and doesn't want to change or acknowledge that they need help for the issues that drive them to do what they do.

Forgiveness to me is like the cancellation of a debt bourn out of love.

And Godly love is not a feeling. It's called charity, which biblical translations other than the KJV have messed up.

Charity doesn't require the recipient to merit it.
Charity doesn't require reciprocation.
Charity doesn't require trust.
Charity is enough of a witness of Christ in you.

It's a struggle when there is hurt and pain from the words or actions of others, especially with maintaining a relationship with them (like a family member), but I believe God will heal it if you're obedient to Christ.

I remember how I felt when my sister was mean to me during a low point in my life, and I wanted to run far from her, but God led me to forgive and perform some charitable acts towards her. I was doing it unto God and it didn't matter if she was taking advantage or was not nice to me. Today my relationship with her isn't much improved but my heart is clear in the matter; the pain is gone, the anger is gone, the evil thoughts I had are gone, etc. It also increased my spirit in Christ which made my whole life much better. So for Christ sake it was worth it.

We're all different in different situations, and God may lead you to make other choices, but we can't go wrong doing what Jesus told us to do, even under the most trying circumstances.

 

[miamited]

Hi GIL,

No, they are not the same. Let's use a simple example. My best friend stole $20 from me.

I can forgive my friend for taking the money and choose to let the loss go and not be concerned about the loss or desiring any return of the money.

I can do that and still know that I need to be careful with money around them in the future.

Forgiveness is merely letting go of any desire for retribution or anger or other damaging emotion that I might hold against someone for something that they did. Trust is about expecting someone to be honest and forthright in their dealings with me. The two are quite different, although they may both come into play in a particular instance.

Reconciliation occurs when one or the other have allowed the incident, whatever it may have been, to destroy the bonds of friendship or intimacy between them. Forgiveness can and should be given to the offending party whether or not they 'allow' you to. Reconciliation generally requires that both parties be involved somehow. I can forgive my friend and let the emotional feelings of getting even go, whether or not they were even on the same planet at the time. However, if the incident broke the bonds of our friendship, then both of us would have to be involved in reconciling our friendship.

God bless you.
In Christ, Ted

 

[Neogaia777]

I struggle with forgiving someone who doesn't care that they hurt people and doesn't want to change or acknowledge that they need help for the issues that drive them to do what they do. I guess part of my problem is that I don't understand forgiveness. I've heard people say that these three things aren't related, that you can forgive someone without trusting or reconciling with them, but doesn't a lack of trust just prove that you still hold what they did to you against them?

No, you can let go of the pain and hurt they've done to you and others; but, there going to do it again, so, by distancing yourself, your protecting yourself from someone dangerous, you can love them from a safe distance until they show signs of repentance, then offer to help them

And the same with not wanting to reconcile or being able to. And when you do forgive them, are you automatically required to bring them to Christ if not try? My biggest fear is that if I fully forgive, God is going to tell me that I have to try and bring them to Christ and constantly be around them (basically put myself in a position to keep being hurt while not being allowed to protect myself), when all that does is tear me down emotionally and spiritually.

So really, what is the difference between the there? I don't believe there is any.

There's a difference between wanting to reconcile, and not being able to, and I think the person your referring to, you just can't help at this moment in their life, so wait, Jesus will make a way eventually, but your friend may have to hit a few brick walls in life first, and you may have to stand back at a distance and watch, until you think they've hit enough walls to accept Christ and repent...

God Bless!