Forgiveness and Reconcilliation

[Contented]

I would like the members position on the above topic.

The reason I brought this subject up is due to a discussion in our bible lesson at church.

I am a divorced woman (My husband filed for divorce....HE WAS UNFAITHFUL IN THE MARRIAGE.)

The bible lesson dealt with forgiveness. During this time of bible study members were asked for their imput concerning the issue(s) under discussion.
The teacher stated that in order for forgiveness to take place reconciliation must be part of the equation. Further to the discussion I was told that IF I CLAIM TO FORGIVE MY HUSBAND, I MUST GO BACK WITH HIM. Where is the scriptural reference for this?

I told him that I indeed had forgiven him, but I have no desire to be with him. Where is the rationale for this kind of reasoning.

Some of the church members in my lesson class felt the same way as him. I believe for reconcilliation to take place the offender must be willing to be involved. My ex has no intention of coming back, and even if he did I have no desire to be with him. Am I so wrong in having this view.

I believe that forgiveness shows that you do not hold any malice against the perpertrator of the deed done.

RECONCILLIATION - Establishment of cordial relations.
FORGIVENESS - Act or state of ceasing to feel resentment or seek retribution over wrong committed by other. Random House Word Menue

I do not feel any malice or bitterness over what my husband has done. I have moved on with my life and I am thankful to God for the place where he has brought me. Initially it was difficult, but I knew that unless I forgive, I CANNOT receive forgiveness from God as the bible states. All I saw in that discussion was an attempt to make me feel guilty.

I think that if there is any reconcilliation it should come from my ex since he is the offender.

Your comments are welcome.

 

[EastCoastRemnant]

First of all, praise God that you have embraced the spirit of forgiveness. I can't imagine the pain you must have felt but yet you chose the way of our Lord...

Speaking of our Lord, was it not Jesus that said "forgive them Father for they know not what they do"? Was reconciliation accomplished at that moment just because Jesus forgave them? No... Jesus made a way for them to be reconciled but the onus was truly on the transgressor.

When you forgave your spouse, you opened your heart for the possibility that, if your former husband contritely repented of his sin, that you could again have a relationship with him if you chose... friendship, courtship, remarriage, whatever you decided was best for you and your situation. The only way a marriage is truly dissolved Biblically is by death, unbeliever filing for divorce or infidelity. You now have the choice to do as if you had never been married according to your heart and where the Spirit is leading you.

Thats my pair of nickels...

 

[Contented]

Thanks for your insight, I appreciate your comments.

 

[OntheDL]

The marriage is a covenant/contract between a man and a woman.

When one parties discards the covenant by violating the terms, then the covenant/contract is void, nullified, no longer binding on both parties.

We see this in God's dealing with the apostate Israel. God simply sent a bill of divorce and discarded the covenant.

So you are not obligated to remarry him. Furthermore, the bible specifically forbids the remarriage if one had been given to another person.

Deut 24
1 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.
3 And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;
4 Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.

I would like the members position on the above topic.

The reason I brought this subject up is due to a discussion in our bible lesson at church.

I am a divorced woman (My husband filed for divorce....HE WAS UNFAITHFUL IN THE MARRIAGE.)

The bible lesson dealt with forgiveness. During this time of bible study members were asked for their imput concerning the issue(s) under discussion.
The teacher stated that in order for forgiveness to take place reconciliation must be part of the equation. Further to the discussion I was told that IF I CLAIM TO FORGIVE MY HUSBAND, I MUST GO BACK WITH HIM. Where is the scriptural reference for this?

I told him that I indeed had forgiven him, but I have no desire to be with him. Where is the rationale for this kind of reasoning.

Some of the church members in my lesson class felt the same way as him. I believe for reconcilliation to take place the offender must be willing to be involved. My ex has no intention of coming back, and even if he did I have no desire to be with him. Am I so wrong in having this view.

I believe that forgiveness shows that you do not hold any malice against the perpertrator of the deed done.

RECONCILLIATION - Establishment of cordial relations.
FORGIVENESS - Act or state of ceasing to feel resentment or seek retribution over wrong committed by other. Random House Word Menue

I do not feel any malice or bitterness over what my husband has done. I have moved on with my life and I am thankful to God for the place where he has brought me. Initially it was difficult, but I knew that unless I forgive, I CANNOT receive forgiveness from God as the bible states. All I saw in that discussion was an attempt to make me feel guilty.

I think that if there is any reconcilliation it should come from my ex since he is the offender.

Your comments are welcome.