For all those with children...

[LifeInYou]

At what age did you have your first child?

If you had the opportunity to go back and 'do things differently' would you choose to have children earlier or later than when you actually had them? For the purposes of this question, let's purport that you already found your wife/husband at that point and were in the financial and emotional position to raise kids.

So, would ya get started right away so you could have more moments with your children? Or would you wait a little while longer, allowing more time for yourself and time with your spouse?

 

[Andry]

I hope you're not excluding the husbands/dads in this, as we never 'had' kids!

My wife and I never viewed it like that at all. Before our son was born (in our 7th year of marriage), we couldn't imagine having any kids. Since he was born, we can't imagine how we ever lived without him.

And money or 'readiness' was never an issue (meaning, it was, in that we had little money and we weren't ready! but never came up as part of why we should or shouldn't have kids).....I think few parents would feel they were ever ready or had enough money. Fact is, we never really planned it specifically; when it was time, it was just time, and God was gracious (He still is!) through it all.

But to answer the OP, I was 35, she was 31. And we wouldn't change a thing.

 

[LifeInYou]

I hope you're not excluding the husbands/dads in this, as we never 'had' kids!.

Not at all! Husbands 'have' kids just as much as wives do.

My wife and I never viewed it like that at all. Before our son was born (in our 7th year of marriage), we couldn't imagine having any kids. Since he was born, we can't imagine how we ever lived without him.

And money or 'readiness' was never an issue (meaning, it was, in that we had little money and we weren't ready! but never came up as part of why we should or shouldn't have kids).....I think few parents would feel they were ever ready or had enough money. Fact is, we never really planned it specifically; when it was time, it was just time, and God was gracious (He still is!) through it all.

But to answer the OP, I was 35, she was 31. And we wouldn't change a thing.

Thanks for your reply! For future posters, all I'm trying to get at is how valuable the experience of having children is compared to other experiences one partakes in throughout life. Is raising a child so unique and special of an experience that you would make more time for it, if you could go back and do things all over again? What prompted this question is when I heard my boss say 'If I could do it all over again, I would have started earlier (with children).' So I took that as him saying that raising children was one of the best/most valuable experiences in his life. On the other hand, I know some people just don't 'dig' parenting as much as others do. Or maybe I'm wrong about that. Correct/help me understand, if so!

 

[GinooKo]

This is an interesting thread.

Let's see. I had my first child when I was 21. My second child was born when I was 38 and my last child was born when I was 40.

If I had the opportunity to go back and do things differently I would choose later years because I'm wiser and have more patience than in my younger years.

 

[Crofter]

I left uni when I was 23, married the next year, had my first child when I was 26 and my hubbie was 23, and had my second child two years and one week later.

Got to admit it was a real struggle and I wouldn't want to go through all that again! Just sooo difficult anyway.. I guess we had a lot of outside factors that made this so hard.

.. but at least the light can be seen at the end of the tunnel! Now my kids are older I can see that the hard work and upsets and sacrifices have paid off... and now at least we can get time off...and I know we might face difficulties in the future but we will get there.

 

[Tangnefedd]

I was 20 when I had my first daughter. She wasn't planned, we were very poor, but managed incredibly well really. I had two other daughters by the time I was 26, then I was sterilised. We went on to adopt two boys with special needs and foster another. I would not change too many things, although I think it was probably a mistake staying at home and raising them without at least having a part time job. Not because of the money but for my own self esteem.

 

[tonya]

i only have one child...she is 21 months...i had her when i was 29.....i would not change a thing..i feel i am much more mature and established at this age than i was 10 yrs. ago..

 

[lucypevensie]

Our first was born when I was 28, after 3 1/2 years of marriage. Then next one came 21 months later. I'm happy with the timing of things. My husband and I had lots of time to get adjusted to marriage and we also did some travelling. I'm glad we got to do some travelling. It's not impossible to travel with kids, but it is work.

 

[LadyDJ]

I had my first at 34 and my second at 36, so if things had been different in my life (as in with someone who actually understood the concepts/definitions of love and respect), I'd have liked to have had them a few years sooner as maybe the pregnancies wouldn't have been as hard on me healthwise.

 

[pmcleanj]

I spent the first six years of my career as an independent spinster; and after I married spent four years paying off the mortgage and getting to know my husband. I was 33 when I had my first child, and 36 when I had the second.

If I had to do the same again, I would, my friend.

Living alone helps you establish your understanding of yourself as a person. You grow as an individual, and have that much more to bring to marriage. Living together as a couple helps you understand yourselves as marriage-partners and grow as a couple. You have that much more to bring to parenthood.

Each stage of my life has been fuller and more meaningful than the stage before -- but each stage is built on the foundation of the previous stage.

I regret that I didn't remain fertile long enough to have a third child. But two children is an environmentally responsible number -- perhaps I should just be grateful that I am spared the temptation to genetic greed to which I would otherwise succumb. My regret for the unconceived third child has made me that much more appreciative of the two I have been given (and of the part-time children that I get to care for occasionally). My disappointment in this regard is one more of the things that God brings together for good.

 

[karla]

I was 25 when I had my first child, almost 27 when I had my second and I will be 29 when we have our third. There is nothing that I would change. God blessed us at those moments in our marriage and He knows what is best. We put off buying our first home for a few years because I wanted to be at home with the kids. You make sacrifices. I couldn't imagine my life without my children and wouldn't change one moment or one thing in my life.

 

[momof3blessings]

At what age did you have your first child?
If you had the opportunity to go back and 'do things differently' would you choose to have children earlier or later than when you actually had them? For the purposes of this question, let's purport that you already found your wife/husband at that point and were in the financial and emotional position to raise kids.

So, would ya get started right away so you could have more moments with your children? Or would you wait a little while longer, allowing more time for yourself and time with your spouse?

I had my first at 18 second at 22 and my third one at 32.

I wouldn't change a thing.(Nor would my Husband) Financial problems will always be there. To me that's not a reason to wait you learn to adjust and go on. Some do need to be emotionally ready but God does know what's best. If I would have had my 3rd child as my 1st or 2nd I may have never had more kids. He's a totally different personallity then the other 2. God seems to know which to bring when.
There is always time for you spouse you just have to learn to balance in everything. I've learned we are not guaranteed tomorrow so why wait. Another thing tomorrow seems to come faster then we think. You can see that in the differences in ages between the last 2. All of sudden 10 years was gone just like that. Trusting in God is the biggest thing. I look back when my husband and I had the oldest and wonder how we made it being so young. We always had food for us and baby til the next payday. (and once it was just one can of beans )but God was always there making sure our needs were met even when we weren't there for Him.....

 

[HeatherJay]

I was 20 when we got married, 22 when I had my first, and 24 when I had my second. As far as being ready for it...well, we certainly didn't plan either one. As another poster said, I don't think anyone is ever financially ready for a baby. We all just do the best we can do, and yes, sometimes you make sacrifices...but the things that you sacrifice are things that, in the grand scheme of life, all of a sudden when you have a baby don't seem as important as they once did.

I thought, at the time, that I was rather young to be having kids...I was the first to start a family out of my circle of friends. But, I now realize how blessed I was to have had them early. I'm only 27 now, but I had to have a hysterectomy due to cervical cancer 3 months ago.

They were both wonderful, happy accidents and I wouldn't change a thing.

Love, Heather

 

[brokenbananas]

I had my first at 32 and 2nd at 35. I was much more mature and don't think I could've handled children in my 20s. I would've liked to have gotten married to my husband earlier and more time married before having children. My 2nd pregnancy was super difficult. However, I wouldn't change a thing...really...I've learned a great deal through both my pregnancies...my marriage...our hardships and good times.

 

[Lilac]

Hi!

I think it totally depends on your ages. If I was over 35 when I met my beloved, I would have them asap!

Also if I had it to do over again, as a mom, I definately positively would not work until they went to Kindergarten. I just assumed I should stay doing what I was doing before I got married, staying at my full-time good paying job, bringing my kids elsewhere--what a mistake! I barely remember them as infants, which makes me so sad if I think about it. Many parents keep saying and thinking "it's the quality time not the quantity".....well that's just plain not true.

I think when planning a family, couples should learn to live on just the husband's income, otherwise, you miss out on so much, and get yourselves in a lifestyle that's so hard to break. Jobs are always there, our precious kids grow up so fast......

God Bless~~

 

[Lilac]

Whoops --just realized I hadn't answered your question--so sorry--

I was 31 when I got married and we had our kids instantly---if I had it to do over again I definately would have waited maybe a year or two---we only had 9 months together before parenthood began! It's nice to "get to know" your spouse more I think if you can have a choice--then again I think God does know when the timing is right for every couple --as others have said. His timing is always perfect!!!! When I look at my life--I can really see God's perfect hand in our family!!!!!!

Children Are Such a Blessing~~~~
To God Be The Glory~~~

 

[Celticflower]

I didn't get married until I was 29. My daughter was born 6 weeks after I turned 30. I was 32 when my son was born.

Sometimes I wish I had married and had kids earlier--usually on those mornings when everything in this 42 yr old body aches. (I think the warranty ran out when I hit 40) Sometimes I think back to how I was when I was younger and thank God I didn't have kids until I was more patient and better at controlling my temper! (which happened after I lived with my oldest sister for a few years--an exasperating, stereotypical spinster/maiden aunt of Victorian novels). So in the long run, I think the timing was for the best.

Celtie

 

[Kokopelli]

I was 25 and my wife was 21 when we found out we were pregnant. Ironically, it was 2-Jul-02, 20-days before our wedding. She was a "surprise" to an extent... meaning, we were not planning to have her this early. Nonetheless, we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl that has mommy's stubbornness, and looks like daddy.

To answer your second question.. the only thing I wish that I could redo, would be to relive the day of her birth. One of the happiest days of my life.

 

[MominTX]

I was 20 when I got married and a month before my 22nd birthday I had my son and then I just had my daughter 4 months ago(3 weeks before my 24th birthday). I love my children to death, but think we should've waited until we had a better marriage foundation. My husband is a good father and says he wouldn't change when we had them. The first one was a little planned, but the second one wasn't and I was afraid they were too close together, but I love her so much I wouldn't change anything now. I think having kids makes you more selfless and giving and it's a wonderful experience.

 

[Flipper]

Don't have any yet, but we are trying to get pregnant now. I got married at 26 (he was 27), but neither one of us could imagine having children in our 20s - though if we had an "oops" we have always been in good shape financially and it wouldn't have been a bad thing. By now, I've witnessed enough of my friends having children and have taken lots of notes. I also think I would be more patient now. Also, what I have found to be very handy, enough of my friends have had problems conceiving, so I have people we are close to who have been there, who can give us information that the doctors won't give us.