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I've kinda been thinking (bad idea, I know) about one of my more recent posts, and I'm wondering if my problem is that I feel like flirting, or getting girls more attracted to you, is a lot like selling a used car. I'm definitely like a 92 Civic, so yeah. But I sell myself as a Ferrari, as any used car salesman would.
I just feel that's disingenuous. I feel like I'm talking myself up a little too much (though I'm really not at times), and then someday in the future reality.....boom, you've got a lemon. Sorry lady. And I'm here to stay.
Does anyone else feel that way? Like you're being deceitful and stuff? Or is it just me?
You can sell a Civic as a Civic. Selling /= lying
2a. When I'm myself (like myself myself), people don't like me as much. I already have enough issues already with my stupid head and such a high level of physical attraction, I really don't need to scare off any more women. I feel like there are only a very few out there that would like me as I am right now, and if I accidentally did something dumb (like say something unpopular) I'll just be done. Like, no mas. Forced to join a monastery or something.
2b. One of the books I got was on not becoming a people-pleaser, and standing up for myself and being my own personality. Maybe that will help about this, or at least give me some tenacity to have me do my own thing. Because maybe after I scare people off, more people will show up. I don't know, because I'm not doing that just yet.
Good job taking my quotes out of context, Josh. Since you're often misunderstood, I thought you'd empathize but I guess not. I was referring in "scraps" to women who aren't ready to put themselves into relationships by still being in love with someone else. Oftentimes this other person has messed her up so badly that she's not all there, she's not willing to love you the right way, she is a "left-over" who can't seem to separate herself from her ex. How that has to do with attraction is nothing at all. It's all personality, and yes it's a turnoff as a personality but that's about it. Do you stop loving those people? No. Do you treat them like they were already treated? No. If people stop looking at buzzwords and start looking at what I'm actually saying, maybe people here wouldn't hate me so much.
Women aren't idiots. Everyone's going to talk themselves up, or get their wingman/woman to. I think as long as you aren't being ridiculous with the embellishment (don't say you're Spanish royalty if you're not), you should be ok.
To recap: I like my personality, tolerate how I look, but I feel like when I'm flirting these girls look better than I do and that makes me feel uncomfortable because I feel like I'm being dishonest about how I look to them and also omitting some various small other problems I'm obviously not mentioning up-front, and I feel they can see that dishonesty as well. Though I would tell them if we were dating or something, though.
I hate that if I ask "am I attractive?" I'm either going to get lip service or if it's a truthful answer, it's not at my "target demographic" (because I'm not attracted to any of yous, I'm really sorry but it's not really a choice...you know?). I'm personally cool with how I look, because it's how I look. But to others, that's the problem. And cue the feelings of dishonesty.
So flirting counts as lying now too? First I can't tell my kids about santa claus, now this... I don't even know what to think anymore!
I just don't know what to believe anymore!
You can sell a Civic as a Civic. Selling /= lying
Aye, good point.I wouldn't be worried about scaring off women. Even if you only like women that have a big toe longer than their second toe <waits for everyone to look at their feet>, then a woman that met that criteria who was scared off by something you said with good intentions would not make a good match long term anyway. Better to get that out of the way quickly.
Don't really get much of a choice in college....I mean there's definitely groups that respect me more than others, but my roommates don't hang out with them, and I'm generally with my roommates because they're my roommate, so yeah....it's a lot harder than just "go hang out with friends who aren't bad people".Think about the circles you move in and the things you like doing. Do they match? If not then you might need to start talking to other people where it is easier to be yourself.
Seeing as how I gave that original definition in the original post/thread, again people just want to assume the worst about me because I don't think or frame problems the same way as they do.I'm going to have to call you out on this mate. scraps and leftovers might have a particular definition for you, but if we haven't come across it elsewhere we'll probably jump to the most likely definitions, and then colour what you are trying to say within that definition.
I've done it for people....it still works.People still use wings? Isn't that so 1980's frat boy?
It's kinda hard to hide aspergers, mate.You aren't actually a car being sold. There is no need to inform of every fault you have up front. That is what I think the dating process is for. To get to know a person more fully, faults and all, and to determine the future direction of the relationship. Eventually you will have to tell them more, assuming the relationship progresses far enough but by informing a chick you barely know that you have aspergers (for example) at the same time you ask for a date then she hasn't yet seen any of your 'pluses'. Note: I was having lunch today with a mate who is recently married, like 4 months ago. He has aspergers and she of course knows.
Well, I would be only talking about physical attractiveness. I'm fully confident in my personality, but the ship "body" has to cross the sea and make it there before the army of Spanish conquistadors can run train on people. Btw, that has got to be my best metaphor in awhile.Dude! Don't ask a chick if she finds you attractive. Firstly because I believe you are meaning only physical attractiveness, which means you are putting too much value, and perhaps in your head trying to conciliate what you think of her appearance, and the belief that she should match that opinion with one of you. And secondly you are telling her that physical attractiveness is held highly by you and she may feel that she cannot be pretty enough (yes lots of pretty girls think they aren't) to meet your priority on attractiveness.
Get about 40 years older, then we'll talk about getting you an old car like that.as for the car thing, I am an original Ford Model T straight off the assembly line, original parts and paint.
I'm looking at regular girls, like the ones at school or the ones at the post office or whatever! Christian girls who I'm attracted to do not want me. This I've realized long ago, and I have come to peace with. Since I'm not willing to "play ball" and do all that christianese and whatever to puff myself up, I'm not on their radar. The ironic thing is even when I became an assistant pastor for awhile, I was still persona non grata. I'm just used to that now, and I have come to peace that I may never have everything that I'm looking for in a person.I reckon I probably flirt without mening to sometimes, but hey mate - if you're flirting with girls you reckon are gonna go sleep with other guys then honestly, who are you looking at?! If you truly want a relationship - because that's what it'll be - then you need to seriously consider who the other half should be. Think about who you are right now. Is Christ important to you? If yes, then He should be important to your potential spouse as well. You're worth someone who places value on the same things as you. Don't settle for less. You are a prince of the King - and as such will need a Princess (when the time comes). For the moment, enjoy your singleness - learn from God about the man He wants you to be, and flirt if you must, but ask yourself - 'is this gonna go somewhere that God would be happy about?'
Love in Christ.
This thread is being invaded by onionheads!!
Just wanted to do that
That's words of the wise.If you don't like certain aspects of who you are, perhaps it's time to change them? It's better to recognise that "who we are" is not only "who we were" but also "who we are becomming as a result of our present thoughts and decisions in life". The past only predicts the future if you let it.
The honest truth is, women do not want a guy who is obsessed with himself, talks about himself endlessly and navelgazes. just the cold truth.
That would mean that subconsciously we're all prostituting ourselves.
I may be the only person in this thread that doesn't associate flirting with telling someone about myself.
VOICES OF REASON IN THE THREADI think flirting and being deceitful are two different things. Although it's possible to flirt in a dishonest manner, it isn't part and parcel of flirting.
You're not the only one, my friend.
That's a bit generous as to what the gym does (w/o plastic surgery anyway), but if going to the gym makes women think you're George Clooney....what are you still doing reading this? Go to the gym already!then you could actually get to the gym and get that 6 pack off your stomach and she all of a sudden just thinks you are the next George Clooney so for a 10 buck a month membership, you could have more intimacy.
I'm hotter than Clooney.That's a bit generous as to what the gym does (w/o plastic surgery anyway), but if going to the gym makes women think you're George Clooney....what are you still doing reading this? Go to the gym already!
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