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Flirting = deceitful?

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broken_one

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I've kinda been thinking (bad idea, I know) about one of my more recent posts, and I'm wondering if my problem is that I feel like flirting, or getting girls more attracted to you, is a lot like selling a used car. I'm definitely like a 92 Civic, so yeah. But I sell myself as a Ferrari, as any used car salesman would.

I just feel that's disingenuous. I feel like I'm talking myself up a little too much (though I'm really not at times), and then someday in the future reality.....boom, you've got a lemon. Sorry lady. And I'm here to stay.

Does anyone else feel that way? Like you're being deceitful and stuff? Or is it just me?
 

Inkachu

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Pitching yourself is not a good way to go, IMO. Especially if you don't believe what you're saying.

If flirting isn't your nature, just leave it alone and don't flirt. That's JMHO. Chemistry doesn't need flirting to make itself known, trust me. And you can show interest without flirting; the two aren't synonymous. You can flirt with someone you have zero interest in. Likewise, you can get acquainted with an interest with zero flirting.
 
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MehGuy

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What that you are more fun than you really are? I don't really flirt that much, but when I do it's really no different than whats going on in my mind most of the time. IDK I guess I like being theatrical.

I'd expect it pretty much 24/7 in a relationship.

Anything I want in a girl I strive to be myself.
 
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Im_A

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Just flirt without treating yourself like you are a car up for sale. Sure the whole game of love resembles nothing more than the ultimate let's make a deal. There's no reason though to try to sell yourself. It is deceitful if you come across completely different than what you are in order to get a yes out of her. If you get a yes from being yourself, then no deceit. One thing that is similar with selling a car is...you get many people that come and look and not buy. Just the nature of the beast. Then you get some that default on the loans, trade it in for something else, lease it out. You know the routine. All that means is you offer no gurantees until they have showed the ability to keep up with payments and show they are willing to do maintenance on it successfully. Turn the game on them and it'll either be a successful business partnership, or it won't.
 
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ulu

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broken_one said:
I just feel that's disingenuous. I feel like I'm talking myself up a little too much (though I'm really not at times), and then someday in the future reality.....boom, you've got a lemon. Sorry lady. And I'm here to stay.
Click to expand...

If you feel you're being disingenuous then don't do it . There's a difference between that and focusing more on your strengths than weaknesses though.

Also, my experience at least has been that just because you're been together for a while is no indication that your partner will stay if her opinion of you takes a dive.
 
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white dove

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Not at all. And you might feel like this because you are not being yourself when you're with women you're attracted to. When I flirt, I'm okay with it because it's not deceiving. I flirt with my signifs (too old to say "boyfriend" and not sound like an old mare) when I'm in a relationship, so it's not like I'm reeling him in with a slice of cheesecake and then once he's right in front of me, I slap him with a carrot (or something). I'm being real. And on a sidenote, I think it's really important to keep flirting with each other once you're officially in a relationship/married/whatever. What you need to do is to be real because I think who you really are, underneath whatever kinda bulljive you're pushing off that just for one reason or another is not working, is pretty cool. You'll be happier with your results if you're just real. But eh, I could be wrong so don't believe me.
 
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bluegreysky

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Well, if you don't start somewhere, you won't get on the road to relationshipville. If you don't make a clear signal, they won't realize you like them.

HOWEVER
you shouldn't manipulate people into thinking you're something you're not
because 3-6 months into the relationship, you'll get comfortable with her and the real you comes out... then if its a huge difference from the you she met, either you get in trouble because you aren't what she thought she was falling for or because you lied, maybe both.
(in other words... she gets hurt)

Think about it this way- would you do that at a job interview? would you lie and blow yourself up to sound like CEO material when you know you can't even handle "assistant manager"? because if they hired you, you'd flop on your face when "CEO" problems arose.

This is what I love about my guy... he told me day 1 he had an anxiety condition so I knew what I was in for.
(im just on single's forum to offer advice)

ALSO
You shouldn't flirt if you don't want it to go anywhere. Because some girls when they think you're interested, they really invest themselves... and when they find out it was a game, they get crushed.
Other girls dish it back 10-fold, and you have a crazy stalker on your hands. LOL
 
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broken_one

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Wow, what a fast response you guys....since a lot of the responses are the same, I think I'm just going to talk about it all at once.

Alright, I've gotten to the part where I realize I look is how I look and I can't change it, and my personality is good so we're good there, and though I may have a couple issues that are temporarily part of me and can't be gotten rid of overnight (I like bluegreysky's comment of just telling the person from the get-go) I think I could probably deal with them.

The big deal is starting it all. I've had some not-so-good experiences in the past as many of you people know, and I think a lot of it comes from me wanting them to make SURE they want me so they just won't dip randomly or start sleeping with other guys or something. It's like yeah, I can be charming, but I don't want a girl to get the wrong idea of me and then split (though I act EXACTLY THE SAME pretty much all the time, Donna can back me up there because she knows me). I guess it's because I don't feel like I'm good enough for them and once they see that I'm "lying" they're gone, or something.

I actually really like to flirt...it fits my personality, makes someone feel good, gives me better social skills with the opposite sex, etc etc. I just feel so guilty all the time if I allow myself to do it, though.

@scrap: you sure you don't want to be a Geo? You could be younger in model years...
 
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Sketcher

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As long as we're on the car analogy, we might as well run with it:



The moral here: don't try too hard.
 
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broken_one

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scraparcs said:
Books about the relative merits of various cars?
Click to expand...
Yes. Because Shelly knows all about cars.

ImperialPhantom said:
Flirting isn't taking a used Civic and trying to sell it as a Ferrari. It's more like taking a Civic and putting a 'for sale' sign in the window and parking it in an area where people will see it.
Click to expand...
I disagree. Putting yourself in the situation where you could flirt would be doing that. Flirting is selling it to other people.

(Yes, apparently I'm selling my body. lol.)
 
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scraparcs

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broken_one said:
Yes. Because Shelly knows all about cars.


I disagree. Putting yourself in the situation where you could flirt would be doing that. Flirting is selling it to other people.

(Yes, apparently I'm selling my body. lol.)
Click to expand...

Wouldn't that make your problem prostitution?
 
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