Thought I had this all under control....then today I was hit with another hurdle... Just driving down the street enjoying the flowering trees all in bloom...and it suddenly hit me... This will be my first spring without her in 30 years. No one to talk about how beautiful the trees are, the spring flowers, just the beauty of spring. And the tears started...right at the stop light...and overcast skies so no sunglasses to hide them...and of course I'm in the middle lane...so no turning the head the other way... Oh well... I'm home now and no can see me....
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First Spring
- Thread starter Missinyou
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I had a rough weekend, too. This past weekend was our church's retreat at the shore. Terry and I always organized the retreat, but this year I couldn't do it without him. I went and it was very hard. It was especially hard because we had gone to Ocean City the weekend leading up to Terry's death. We had a wonderful weekend and came home on Sunday night. Terry died the next day. So, it was twice as hard. It was the first time back to Ocean City, NJ and the first retreat without him. I hate all these firsts.
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Must have been something in the air.... I cried most of the way to work today too.... Just couldnt' get this first spring out of my mind... I've heard real men don't cry.... 
That's okay because I cried enough for several of them today. Perhaps I'm not eating right...I just don't know. Anyway, as long as the trees are in bloom, I'll probably have a problem with this spring...then comes the roses. I wonder if it's ever going to end.... :-( These firsts, I mean. I don't know if this is bad or not...but today was the first in a long time I had to pray to God to give me the strength to make it through another thing. I pray to Him every day but lately it's been for other people... I thought He and I had things pretty much under control...but guess one of dropped the ball...and I'm pretty sure it wasn't Him.
Good night all, and may God bless you always.
That's okay because I cried enough for several of them today. Perhaps I'm not eating right...I just don't know. Anyway, as long as the trees are in bloom, I'll probably have a problem with this spring...then comes the roses. I wonder if it's ever going to end.... :-( These firsts, I mean. I don't know if this is bad or not...but today was the first in a long time I had to pray to God to give me the strength to make it through another thing. I pray to Him every day but lately it's been for other people... I thought He and I had things pretty much under control...but guess one of dropped the ball...and I'm pretty sure it wasn't Him. Good night all, and may God bless you always.
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My daughter and her husband moved back with me from Germany 2 weeks ago (and they monopolize the computer, I can never get on anymore!) and it is amazing to see how far behind the rest of the family they are with grieving. We went as a family out to dinner for my daughter's birthday and she cried through the whole meal. I guess we have gotten used to Terry not being at dinner with us.
There are a few spring events coming up that will be hard. This Wednesday night is the Pinewood Derby at church. Terry always organized it for the kids. He would go in on Pioneer Club nights and help the kids make their cars. One the big night, he would run the race track. Another gentleman from our church has taken over his duties. I plan on going Wednesday night, but will stay in the background.
And, Easter, for another. We'll be gathering at my in-laws for dinner. I am trying to slowly back out of my in-laws influence, so this will probably be my last holiday dinner with them.
After that, camp weekend with Pioneer Clubs. It is the last weekend in April. Terry and I had a number of different positions with camp over the last 20 years, from being cabin leaders, organizing the entire camp, and in the later years helping in the kitchen. My daughter and her husband are going to take Terry's place in the kitchen.
Anyway, I'm rambling and I have to get off to work.
Hang in there, everyone. Remember, God is good all the time!
There are a few spring events coming up that will be hard. This Wednesday night is the Pinewood Derby at church. Terry always organized it for the kids. He would go in on Pioneer Club nights and help the kids make their cars. One the big night, he would run the race track. Another gentleman from our church has taken over his duties. I plan on going Wednesday night, but will stay in the background.
And, Easter, for another. We'll be gathering at my in-laws for dinner. I am trying to slowly back out of my in-laws influence, so this will probably be my last holiday dinner with them.
After that, camp weekend with Pioneer Clubs. It is the last weekend in April. Terry and I had a number of different positions with camp over the last 20 years, from being cabin leaders, organizing the entire camp, and in the later years helping in the kitchen. My daughter and her husband are going to take Terry's place in the kitchen.
Anyway, I'm rambling and I have to get off to work.
Hang in there, everyone. Remember, God is good all the time!
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JeanR, I can certainly understand your daughter being so far behind the rest of you as far as dealing with her father being gone. She has not had the comfort of all the family to lean on and gain comfort and strength by. This all new again for her. Just as I, she probably thought she had it all under control when she left Germany, and then found out we all will probably never have it completely under control. My prayers are with her to help her gain stength through God and the love of her family.
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I'm sorry for your pain. I feel that way too.
I just finished a GriefShare support group which was helpful. But sometimes I feel like I want to run screaming into the night because life is so hard without my husband. At least I know now that while it seems like I'm going crazy that many widows/widowers go through these feelings too.
I just finished a GriefShare support group which was helpful. But sometimes I feel like I want to run screaming into the night because life is so hard without my husband. At least I know now that while it seems like I'm going crazy that many widows/widowers go through these feelings too.
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DianaKay,
Welcome to this site. It's been some time since we've had anyone new here...which is actually a good thing..in a way. Just know that no matter what you go through in dealing with the loss of your husband...there is someone, if not all, that have gone through it ahead of you... I know that I made some wonderful friends off this site and everyone here has had a hand in getting me over the rough spots...and perhaps I've helped a couple too... At least I hope so.
Just remember that God is on your side and he is a great one to lean on when things get really bad...as I suppose they have at times for you.
Aside from that, what's your story? We have members who have over 20 years of experience to those who have only a few months...and they all have something to add to your healing.
Again, welcome and may God be always in your life,
Missinyou
Welcome to this site. It's been some time since we've had anyone new here...which is actually a good thing..in a way. Just know that no matter what you go through in dealing with the loss of your husband...there is someone, if not all, that have gone through it ahead of you... I know that I made some wonderful friends off this site and everyone here has had a hand in getting me over the rough spots...and perhaps I've helped a couple too... At least I hope so.
Just remember that God is on your side and he is a great one to lean on when things get really bad...as I suppose they have at times for you.
Aside from that, what's your story? We have members who have over 20 years of experience to those who have only a few months...and they all have something to add to your healing.
Again, welcome and may God be always in your life,
Missinyou
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Welcome, DianaKay
I have only been a widow now for 5 months and I wish I could say it is getting easier, but I am just learning how to cope.
Like Missinyou said, it's good to hear from new people, but we are all here for the same reason. We have experienced the most painful event of our lives. We are here for you.
With love,
Jean
I have only been a widow now for 5 months and I wish I could say it is getting easier, but I am just learning how to cope.
Like Missinyou said, it's good to hear from new people, but we are all here for the same reason. We have experienced the most painful event of our lives. We are here for you.
With love,
Jean
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Yes, it hits you out of no where
Just driving was hard, oh we drove there, we walked in that park, we, we, we,we,
Then i would cry cause there is no more we
It got so bad i went to a friends house for a week, a place he never was just to get a break
Hugs
sandi
Just driving was hard, oh we drove there, we walked in that park, we, we, we,we,
Then i would cry cause there is no more we
It got so bad i went to a friends house for a week, a place he never was just to get a break
Hugs
sandi
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I found out last weekend that long trips by yourself are not good.... Way too much time to think. I don't know how JeanR does it but perhaps you get used to it after a while. My big problem is still the finallity issue... I will start thinking about something we used to do....and then reallity sets in again and my mind tells me that she is gone forever, or at least till I see her in Paradise, God willing that I make it. Then the tears start all over again.
There is a park on one of the ways to our church and Patsy and I would go there and eat lunch. We would just set in the car and watch the people walking on the paths... For a long time I would not, could not, use that road to church...but, fianlly, a couple of months ago I went down there on my motorcycle and just stopped for a few minutes in the parking lot...and now I can drive by there and not break down... The only catch is that I have not yet tried it in our car.... I am afraid that if I pull into the parking lot...I will imagine her setting in the seat beside me...and my world of healing will collapse all over again... Yes, the car is for another time a few more months down the road.
Yes, the old waves still keep rolling in now and then, but perhaps sometime they will calm down to be just gentle ones against the shores of my mind...and I will be able to smile at the memories, rather than cry.
May God be with you all and help to calm your storms,
Missinyou
There is a park on one of the ways to our church and Patsy and I would go there and eat lunch. We would just set in the car and watch the people walking on the paths... For a long time I would not, could not, use that road to church...but, fianlly, a couple of months ago I went down there on my motorcycle and just stopped for a few minutes in the parking lot...and now I can drive by there and not break down... The only catch is that I have not yet tried it in our car.... I am afraid that if I pull into the parking lot...I will imagine her setting in the seat beside me...and my world of healing will collapse all over again... Yes, the car is for another time a few more months down the road.
Yes, the old waves still keep rolling in now and then, but perhaps sometime they will calm down to be just gentle ones against the shores of my mind...and I will be able to smile at the memories, rather than cry.
May God be with you all and help to calm your storms,
Missinyou
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I'm still struggling trying to find a place I fit in. I have tried a couple of women's bible studies, but I just can't find a connection. I went to another bible study on Thursday night which was a nice combination of couples, singles, young, and old. I don't know why, but I just started crying. I missed Terry so much. The bible study we had attended together had disbanded because of people moving away and things like that. I miss participating in a steady bible study and would like to be a part of another one.
It is so hard being a young widow. There are widows at church, but they are all about 20 - 30 years older than me. The single women have been very encouraging to me, but I don't feel "single" yet. As much as they mean well, they don't know how it is to be widowed. The couples just remind me (and I know they don't mean to) that I am no longer a couple.
All of this really stinks.
It is so hard being a young widow. There are widows at church, but they are all about 20 - 30 years older than me. The single women have been very encouraging to me, but I don't feel "single" yet. As much as they mean well, they don't know how it is to be widowed. The couples just remind me (and I know they don't mean to) that I am no longer a couple.
All of this really stinks.
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I agree Jean, I was 38 when my husband died and I found my self not fitting in, I had little kids and didnt fit in with the ""married"" people, They didnt want much to do with me and I didnt fit in with the older ones.
I didnt want to be with the married ones, it hurt that they still have each other and i lost mine, esp when they were complaining about their mate, I would say to them, if he/she died today would that really mean anything to you, dont let it mean anything to you now.
So I guess that didnt make me popular now, I still feel out of groups, no place to fit in, but I am used to it now
Hugs everyone
sandi
I didnt want to be with the married ones, it hurt that they still have each other and i lost mine, esp when they were complaining about their mate, I would say to them, if he/she died today would that really mean anything to you, dont let it mean anything to you now.
So I guess that didnt make me popular now, I still feel out of groups, no place to fit in, but I am used to it now
Hugs everyone
sandi
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Right now, I only feel comfortable being with my kids and family. I am blessed with 3 wonderful girlfriends. My church family has been wonderful. I have no right to complain, but I still feel out of place.
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