Finding this just too hard........

[Inperfected]

I know this isn't a "courting couples" question strictly, but i need good sound, christian advice...

I got an email from my old team leader (3 month mission in tanzania) today, saying she needs a male and female leader, and "do i know anyone?"... I'm sitting here nearly crying cos I miss the place so so much, but i can't return, because me and my fiance have "other plans". I haven't even discussed it with him yet (this email today), but I know he doesn't overly want to go. I knew when we got engaged that this was one of the things we didn't agree on exactly (maybe one day, but certainly not yet), and I thought the 3 months there would help fulfil the desire..... It's only made it so much worse, I dream of africa, I talk to myself in swahili (for I know no one who speaks it in reality). I sing swahili songs, and I hate the thought of not going back. It's been a great passion for many many years now, and I have to constantly try to talk myself out of the passion, when all I want to do is say, "we'll lead the team with you!!!".

Any one got a good way to remove an intense passion for a place that makes you nearly cry daily. It's been 6 months nearly since I left... i didn't expect this pain to continue like this.

How do I give up and continue on with our journey together?

 

[keyz]

For myself I've established in my own heart that I need to be in relationship with someone who can support and encourage me in what I'm passionate about.

I was just in a relationship and many times there would be jealousy, bitterness, and pride thrown at me from my SO about what I was passionately doing or how I was serving (in my case leading worship). It wasn't intentional of course, but it begins to suck the life out of you, because the person you love most cannot full heartedly support you in what you do.

Knowing that you're getting married.. you need to be in reality that he might not ever change his heart on Africa and you could do all you can do but his heart could still be unchanged about it.

So aside from that, the question needs to be God what place are you calling me?

How do you give up your strong desire for Africa? It's simple... go to a place of denial. Cut yourself off from your heart. Ignore what has been instilled in your heart. Act like everything is okay. Kill all hope. Kill all passion. Refuse your own heart. Be fake. Be a people pleaser.

If you get that down you will then become what you want... you'll become bitter, angry, heart-broken, sickly codependent, and you will resent the fact that you are fiance does not support you. Because in your heart of hearts, you really desire that your boyfriend does? Ya?

You really can't just "give up" a desire that describes YOU at the core. You can surrender that desire to God and what not, but surrender will be something you would have to do everyday of your life. You can still have the desire and continue on with your journey with your fiance. However, you must walk the line of being in reality of your desire, but you must be okay with the fact that your fiance does not support you in it, or does not support you to the extent you'd like to be supported in it. That's the reality of it. Are you okay with that? You can do that, but you have really got to be okay with that in your heart of hearts. Are you okay with the possibility that when you marry you will never go to Africa again?

If you are looking for a way to erase this passion for Africa from your heart, well sorry. I suppose you can always transfer the passion you have for Africa for another area of service, but again, are you really okay with that in your heart of hearts?

More importantly, where's God calling you? Where does he want you to be? I've had to answer the same questions.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Well I think the above post has said what needs to be said. I've never had that burning for a particular mission, but it seems like this would be a good time to go to someone who knows you well for some advice and prayer. It sounds like you need to spend some alone time with God too.

 

[f U z ! o N]

I know this isn't a "courting couples" question strictly, but i need good sound, christian advice...

I got an email from my old team leader (3 month mission in tanzania) today, saying she needs a male and female leader, and "do i know anyone?"... I'm sitting here nearly crying cos I miss the place so so much, but i can't return, because me and my fiance have "other plans". I haven't even discussed it with him yet (this email today), but I know he doesn't overly want to go. I knew when we got engaged that this was one of the things we didn't agree on exactly (maybe one day, but certainly not yet), and I thought the 3 months there would help fulfil the desire..... It's only made it so much worse, I dream of africa, I talk to myself in swahili (for I know no one who speaks it in reality). I sing swahili songs, and I hate the thought of not going back. It's been a great passion for many many years now, and I have to constantly try to talk myself out of the passion, when all I want to do is say, "we'll lead the team with you!!!".

Any one got a good way to remove an intense passion for a place that makes you nearly cry daily. It's been 6 months nearly since I left... i didn't expect this pain to continue like this.

How do I give up and continue on with our journey together?

i know this may sound a bit harsh but did you consider this before you got engaged?

 

[bliz]

You seem to have already decided that it is your passion for Africa that needs to take a back seat to your engagement. There is another option, you know...

Would God give you a passion for a ministry and a man who wanted no part of it?

 

[Inperfected]

i know this may sound a bit harsh but did you consider this before you got engaged?

Sure did! And i think i even said that in my post. However, just because I have a passion for the place doesn't mean I should live there, temporarily or permanently. I went into this engagement (same way I'll be going into this marriage) fully aware of what I would or wouldn't be giving up. It is not that he "wants no part of it"... but rather not at this time. When you get married, I think there are things that are given up, and you have to choose the importance... I've been talking with a male friend who was on the mission with me, he's been back 3 times, and finally come to peace with not going back... Also me and my fiance would rather go longtermish than short term.

 

[bliz]

but i can't return, because me and my fiance have "other plans". I haven't even discussed it with him yet (this email today), but I know he doesn't overly want to go.

Also me and my fiance would rather go longtermish than short term.

Let me see if I have this straight... your fiance, who does not "overly want to go". would prefer to go "longtermish". That makes no sense whatsoever. If one does not want to go somewhere, one certainly does not want to stay a longer time rather than a shorter time.

 

[peanutbutter12]

inperfected, you seem to have the right way of things in this situation. I know my wife gave up going back to Belize when we got married. There were a bunch of reasons but the main ones were that I would not go with her so she wouldn't go without me, and that we have several other things going on at this point that we are just too busy to take the time to do it. Their team that goes down there apparently builds things like greenhouses when they go, so I wouldn't consider it a ministry since they do not go down to preach at people. Though that would have been another thing on my list if it was the other way around since I don't support international missions.

Anyway, if I'm reading you right, you are asking how to get over the desire to pack up and go back down? There is really no way to get over that desire. I really want to go back down to Australia. I loved it there. I still listen to the music, still speak the slang, still miss my friends. And it's been 5 years, almost 6 since I left there. And it's on our to do list, but there are other things that must come first before we can go back. Priorities that need to be accepted before you can return. I think that might be one of the issues you might be having at this point. You understand that it's not an option to return at this point, but have you accepted it?

The first few months are always difficult, but once you get back into the flow of life, it will become less and less difficult every day.

CJ

 

[Inperfected]

thanks terrasin i'm apprecating what you said cos it was wat i needed. n bliz when i said he didnt want to go, i was meaning currently

 

[princessellie]

you cant get over it sweet heart, i think that this is what god has called you to do, this is the passion he has put on your heart, and if your partner cant share this passion with you then he should at least be able to support you in it

follow your heart and let it take you back to africa if that is where god needs you

 

[littlemrs]

If this is a God-given desire for your life, I'm not sure you should give it up so easily. I second the question, if you have a desire for ministry, would God give you a life partner who does not?

There are a lot of sacrifices that have to be made in marriage, but is this a sacrifice you are willing to or *should* make? Are you going to resent your future hubby because you never got to carry out the deepest desires of your heart? What if he never has any interest in going on missions trips?

Where is God calling you? If you can honestly say that he is calling you to ignore your desires and passions of missions, then great. But if you can't, maybe you need to stop, take a step back, and pray that the Lord will show you HIS will in your life -- not YOUR will, not your FIANCE'S will, but the LORD's will.

Being a Christian oftentimes means that tough decisions must be made, and this is obviously one of them.

Praying that the Lord will show you the way.