Finding the Courage

[ChristianRocks]

Here are some questions I would like to pass your way:

How do you guys/girls overcome or find ways to get the courage needed to go up to someone you hardly know, or even someone where a conversation barrier exists, and say "Hi" and start chatting? Are there certain times or situations when you like to take that step? (ie. "She/He just sat down, I think I'll go say Hi now" or "He/she is just standing there, now's my chance"). These questions could refer to someone you are meeting for the first time, or it could be someone you have been around for weeks or even months, but have never initated any meaningful fellowship conversations. Sometimes conversation barriers exist, like when 2 people are interested in each other but both are too shy to take that step of courage and start meaningful conversation (ie. talk about your walk with Christ, things God has taught you today, instead of the weather or sports). What are some ways you break the ice? Laugh? Smile? Be sincere? Start to dance on all fours and ask Him/Her to join in?

And also, on the other hand, what hinders you from taking that step of vulnerbility?
So again, I ask you, How do you find the courage and the sensitivity to know what to say?

Sorry, I had a lot of questions. I hope you guys got them all

 

[Fatolia]

Are you talking about 1) girl stuff or 2) evangelism stuff?

They're two different ball games.
If you're talking about evangelism, which is by far a more important skill, I still don't have that figured out yet. The tough part isn't talking about Jesus. The tough part is getting them to CONVERSE about Jesus, to move from the superficial to the spiritual. That takes a lot of prayer and patience.

If you're talking about girl stuff, then let me tell you how you can conquer it.
First of all, take a look around this board, and you'll find that a lot of women are in the same shoes as you...shyness of the opposite sex. Okay, now this is kind of direct, and I have no idea how it is for you, but for me the shyness always came from my physical attraction to a girl....I never had any problems talking with a girl who I wasn't attracted to (ie your mom, sister, etc.).
Okay, so this will take some psychological readjusting but try to turn the response of ingrained physical attraction from shyness into EXCITEMENT. Turn it into a DRIVING force for you rather than a repelling force. It'll make you feel like a man...it's sweet. I don't care what the pop psychology books tell you but women like it when you approach them and show them attention. Ask your mom. Better yet, show your mom attention and she'll dig it. I don't mean to generalize women or anything, but as long as 9 out of 10 guys aren't drooling over her she'll give you an ear, and I'm sure this person will be more than willing to take yours if you allow her to!
Just approach her. There's no sense in worrying about whether she's going to reject you or not. Just assume she's going to reject you and do it anyway. Hold your breath because it could be over in just a few seconds. You'll be able to read her body language real quick whether she wants to talk to you or not. If she's playing "hard to get," walk away; she's probably having a bad day. But if she wants to talk, you're in.
Don't start assuming she "likes" you or whatnot...just treat her as Jesus would have you do, and you'll be on your way to Christlike love. Ask her her name. Tell her yours and try to find some reason to talk to her...make it mean something. Try it man.

 

[Glorianna]

For me it simply required a lot of prayer and pushing myself to step out of my comfort zone!

 

[Glaz]

I used to be afraid to approach women and start a conversation, finally it really sunk into my head that I would never get anywhere if I didn't at least try. Just say something simple like 'hello' and let things take their course from there.

 

[boilerblues]

If you're meeting someone at church you can always pull out the "how long have you been coming here" Of course there's the "so what do you do?" or "what are you studying" or "where are you from" They're rather cliche, but it's a place to start.

I always check my motives for approaching someone. If my only motive for talking to a girl is that she is cute, I'll usually not approach her. That's just how I am, it's not wrong to be physically attracted to a woman, but I prefer to have a more honorable reason to get to know someone.

 

[Endure2]

man... the thing is bashfulness, fear, things that make us scared of the opposite sex as children.... it doesnt matter what techniques you use... it still causes problems. your just attacking the symptoms, but sometime you have to get down to the root... that fear.
you just have to sometime take effort, face the music, step out, and let the chips fall where they may.......... over and over again... and pretty soon your fear for it will die.
if you face your fears there sure to die.

its just a process man, begin to think more highly of yourself, begin to step out more and be more involved with group activities and people of the opposite sex, man everyones afraid.... but some people put their head down and tackle their fears and they go away.

man i got the SMOG... right here baby! AND ITS A GOOD THING!
IM
A

SEXY!
MAN
OF
GOD!

AINT NO WOMAN IN HER RIGHT MIND GONNA SEE ME AND NOT WANT A PEACE OF THIS! MAN IM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE! GOD MADE ME AND SAID "MAN!" THATS HOT! MAN THATS GOOD STUFF AND HE BROKE THE MOLD! NEVER GONNA BE ANOTHER ME! GOD OUTDID HIMSELF WHEN HE MADE ME... CUS IM A SEXY MAN OF GOD! say that to yourself over and over... and if it feels strange and uncomfortable... man your not living life to the fullest because your bashful and afraid and dont think very highly of yourself.
THE ONLY THING BETTER THAN ME, THAT GOD EVER MADE WAS WOMAN! BECUASE WHEN HE MADE WOMAN, HE HAD TO REST!....WOMAN WORE GOD OUT! THE CURVES, THE HIPS, LIPS AND FINGERTIPS.... MAN!

HAHAHAHAHAH
MAN YOU GOTTA BELIEVE THAT, and step out and making it happen.
its a process... it will take sometime to stretch and grow.

the righteous are as bold as lions...
you have the favor and blessing of God on your life, and your a sexy man of God. get over that junk, aint nobody in their right mind not gonna like you.

how would you act, if you knew there was nothing to fear, nothing to be afraid of... that no matter what... you were guaranteed success....how would you act?
think about it.... and begin to act like that way now and believe me youll enjoy it! MAN ITS THE GOOD LIFE! NO WORRIES!
becuase all the omnipotent power and blessing and Favor of God is on you.
and if someone dont like you.... its their problem.

man im talking about anseen cloud that smells like armani thick and heavy, that'll make a woman break down! follows me everywhere i go! its the smog baby... cus im a sexy man of God!

man it doesnt matter what... you have to love yourself or youll never be able to love anyone else properly, i could repreach Martin Luther king Jrs famous sermon on the measure of a man, or i could quote a learned rabbi, the late Joshua Liebman in his book "LOVE THYSELF PROPERLY" but you have to love yourself just as much as you love anyone else.

love your neighbor AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF.

 

[KeilCoppes]

Quite simply it comes down to knowing that God has things under control and that this one person is not by definition "IT". She may be, she may not be, but that's in God's hands. She is who she is, not who you may make her.

In the end you simply work on talking to people. Whoever she is, though, she's a real person, not an icon (and even the icons are real people without their makeup and airbrush). She has ideas, fears, discomforts, inconveniences, hair that sometimes tangles, disadvantages, advantages, teeth that need brushing, she stubs her toe like anyone else. Even if she looks perfect and invulnerable, she isn't - we know that from scripture. And yet, she has blessings of her own, and may be a blessing for you to know. Or she may not be. The only way to find out is to talk to her.

What's on the outside of any of us is an advertisement, or an image seen from a distance. To find out what's really going on, you need to get closer and communicate over time. How? Like riding a bicycle, you do it and fail, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.

(And believe it or not, advice from those who are older and/or married and around us in church and family is a helpful thing. We often can't see from the inside how we are to others. Try to take advantage of the experience of others who have already been there.)

 

[Nico]

i haven't got any real great advice b/c i'm right there with you. what i'm trying to do is take it in slow, manageable steps. i'm starting w/smiling. i don't smile enough--b/c i'm nervous and scared of being too vulnerable and then rejected. i'm that girl that appears all aloof and unapproachable, but really i'm not. i'm trying to change that, but i guess you can know that not all girls who appear to be unapproachable are that way. i know that i'm pretty easy to disarm. all it takes, for me anyway, is a "hi, how was your day?" with a smile and in a sincere tone. i can see through insincerity pretty easily, but i doubt that's your problem. but can i warn you of something? i hate when random guys--who i don't know, just say hi to you as you're walking down the street, past them. if i'm walking, off to get somewhere and we're on the street and you say hi, and i don't know you, chances are i won't say hi back. be in a more stationary place than on the street when both of you are going somewhere. but what a lot of people posted before was good advice. i think simple is best and do it your way, as in don't try to be someone that you're not.

 

[Highland Watchman]

As ironic as it sounds, I've never been the one to approach others in conversation. Or, not me traditionally. I am usually the one who is approached and brought into the conversation by someone else, and it is in that context that I become transparent and seen...

I've actually had discussions with a few people at work regarding the whole "just go and ask her" topics. Being a natural introvert, I do find it difficult to actually approach a girl who may happen to draw my eye, let alone ask her out on a date. I am sort of the type to place a lot more meaning to things than just casual encounters, so by the time I do convince myself that I should do this, I have already decided in my head and my heart that there may be more there, whether there actually is or not. Then, it is time to shine the spotlight and grab some popcorn and watch my antics...

I guess the thing that I am learning the most is that we have to be honest and to be ourselves... take the advice of others, yes... but always remember that the weight of the decision of what you do rests upon you and you alone. Do you approach and risk having yourself blown out of the water, or hold back and be paralyzed with the "what if" game for weeks afterward? Do you walk with confidence or sort of shuffle over? Do you make a great show of things, or are you a lot more subtle? I guess that's more or less up to you. Enjoy!

 

[JPPT1974]

I am not at all a social butterfly myself. And if there is like a good-looking guy I see at a party or work. I don't want to say anything at all for fears of knowing if the man is married or has a girlfriend. I say though...but only in my mind. But ask for God's help and guidance if He wants you to introduce yourself to that person you really like. And hopefully most of all...that person is a Christian.


Also if God wants you to have a relationship than it will be all up to him. As he only wants what is best for his children.

 

[sweetlambofgod]

you just gotta take a risk and do it

 

[Nico]

I've actually had discussions with a few people at work regarding the whole "just go and ask her" topics. Being a natural introvert, I do find it difficult to actually approach a girl who may happen to draw my eye, let alone ask her out on a date. I am sort of the type to place a lot more meaning to things than just casual encounters, so by the time I do convince myself that I should do this, I have already decided in my head and my heart that there may be more there, whether there actually is or not. Then, it is time to shine the spotlight and grab some popcorn and watch my antics...

this is where i get confused. i too an am introvert. it's harder for me to approach people. just the way i am. i also have had problems in the past w/low self-esteem, which is very different from introversion, but the 2 compounding on each other didn't make for an ideal situation. anyway. i'm working on the the low self-esteem part. but what about the introversion? should one attempt to deny who they are and work against, say introversion, by talking more openly w/strangers--or even looking at it from a different perspective and say rather than denying, but growing? or do you accept who you are and try to work from there?

i keep making mistakes. know how i said i'm trying to work on the smiling thing? didn't do it last night. i was out w/a bunch of girlfriends for a friend's b-day and a guy joined us. i could tell he wanted to talk to me, and i could have easily looked at him and smiled, but i didn't. he finaly got up the courage and introduced himself to me, which was great, and i was immediately receptive, but i'm a little disappointed in myself that i didn't make things easier by just smiliing first. not b/c i want to go on a date w/this guy, but b/c of the whole principle of the thing.

 

[OhhJim]

It helps to genuinely like people, and honestly want to get to know them. It also helps to not take yourself seriously, that way you don't mind when you say something stupid. It also helps to just do it, realizing that you will say and do stupid things, until you get better at it.

My sister is one of the most friendly, talk-to-strangers people I know. She recently told me that she was very shy as a child (she's much older than I). She took a job as a door-to-door salesman because she knew she needed to get over her shyness. She used to sit in her car and cry because she was so scared about going on house calls. But, she did it, and now she finds it easy to talk to people.

 

[toyotafan]

Let the clutch in and dance (not literally I mean just drop your uh fears start walking smile and say something)....

 

[toyotafan]

now If only I can get myself to do what I just said.... LOL

 

[JPPT1974]

It helps to genuinely like people, and honestly want to get to know them. It also helps to not take yourself seriously, that way you don't mind when you say something stupid. It also helps to just do it, realizing that you will say and do stupid things, until you get better at it.

My sister is one of the most friendly, talk-to-strangers people I know. She recently told me that she was very shy as a child (she's much older than I). She took a job as a door-to-door salesman because she knew she needed to get over her shyness. She used to sit in her car and cry because she was so scared about going on house calls. But, she did it, and now she finds it easy to talk to people.

That is a lesson I need to learn since I am always the serious one. And I do things stupid that I wish I could go back and take back.