Fill-In-The-Blank Game!

@Sam91 sobbed not able to commence surgery. 'I am sorry Dr S. You'll have to operate on yourself. I don't know what I am doing.

However, I think I should inject you with this.'

The doctor raised his eyebrows at the little bottle 'Ascorbic acid- Extra strong concentrate.' He had no objection there. Although unlikely to cure him it had merit in other viral disease if taken early.

'Also, please drink this elixer of purification' He gulped it down, which was difficult due to the onset of throat spasms.

'I would like to try onion therapy'. (A dream the real Sam91 had years ago.)

Although the doctor had strictly specified to the multi-skilled taxidermist-ninja-surgeon-etc. that he wanted to avoid invasive procedures at all costs, there are exceptions to every rule, and whether Sam91 knew, or had guessed, or coincidence had simply smiled on the good doctor's fortune - unlikely, given there is no such thing as coincidence - vitamin C was one of the exceptions to Doctor Sphinx's every rule.

He tried to console the saddened expert as best he could. 'There, there, Sam91. There is no need to sob. I can operate on myself, and if I should make a mistake, well then, business will start booming at your Museum of Taxidermy'.

@Sam91 took out her handkerchief, and wiped her eyes. Doctor Sphinx also gave her the yarmulke of painful-and-yet-not-so-spiritually-beneficial-minor-surgery that he had been wearing to prepare for his surgery, in order to cheer her up.

@Lost4words looked on interestedly.

The needle was extra-long and pointy, its barrel extra-wide, and the ascorbic acid dose contained therein extra concentrated. Looking away as the spike entered into his arm, the doctor depressed the plunger until he had received the entire dose. Refilling the needle, he repeated the procedure again.

After refilling the third time, Sam91 commented 'Look doctor, I know I'm not able to perform this particular surgery, but I think you might have had enough now.'

The ascorbic acid seemed to start taking effect at once. 'My brain', exclaimed the doctor. 'I think... somehow... the ascorbic acid is dissolving the materials of construction of the overloaded silicon chip inside my head...'

'You mean, silicon?' asked Sam91, confusedly.

'Uhhhh... Well, if it truly were silicon, I doubt ascorbic acid would have any effect,' commented the doctor.

'Let this be a warning to all your other CF crew-members,' he added, 'before you buy something off e-bay from China just because its one tenth of the price of the same article at home.'

Lost4words looked on intently. 'Could it all have been this easy? Had Doctor Sphinx been dispatched, 'hoisted by his own petard' metaphorically speaking, or more literally speaking, 'penetrated by his own sting?' he thought.

Vitality seemed to return to the good doctor.

Sam91 was not convinced. Maybe this was the phase where terminal patients sometimes perk up, seeming a lot better only to die later that day. Only time could tell. She decided a wait and see approach would be best, as the doctor said himself, it was some consolation that visitors to her museum would sky rocket.

Hours later she awoke to a skerfuffle (skirmish and kerfuffle). The good doctor and the heroic GW were involved in a rat-style fight. Tumbling over each other, quite energetically. Sam looked on bemused, rooting for her sidekick. (But which one she'd never admit. She wasn't a respecter-of-persons.)

She drifted off to sleep. She was yhen awoken to @DavidFirth berating the good doctor for greedily eating all his ribs. It was at this moment she announced that she was sure that she'd cured the incredibly, remarkable Sphinx.

The others were less amused. There were other events happening on the ship which didn't centre around the egocentric duo.

For example, @Dirk1540 had valiantly fought off a cloud of waspish dragonflies but with all the Sphinx's drama @Lost4words words had neglected to inform the crew. However, he wasn't to blame for his oversight, the squirrel incident was rather diverting.

The doctor, who had secretly been reading @Sam91's thoughts again, patted the @GreenWizard on the shoulder. 'Well done, little fellow. I'm proud of your progress. A few more fights like that, and you'll be as good a side-kick as any.'

'When you've finished learning how to fight like a side-kick, I can teach you how not to gape when speaking with mermaids'.

The two walked up to Dirk1540, who was looking somewhat worse for wear.

'What happened to you, Dirk?', asked the GreenWizard.

'You look like you were planning on stealing some honey, only the bees found out about it before you pulled off the heist?' guessed Doctor Sphinx.

'Worse,' explained @Dirk1540. 'See, Sam91 doesn't know what a QB is, so I, in my good-naturedness, tried to catch one, in order to show her.'

'Only, when you tried to catch the Queen Bee, the other bees found out?' guessed Doctor Sphinx again.

'Worse', explained Dirk1540. 'See, what I thought was the QB wasn't actually a QB, but rather, a waspish dragonfly...'

'Is there such a creature?' asked the doctor, somewhat incredulously.

'Indeed', explained Dirk1540, sorely and sadly. 'These little biters - for they bite, rather than sting - are somehow able to inject fire into one's flesh. It's very painful.'

'Unless you're a Sphinx', explained Doctor Sphinx. 'I laugh in the face of fear, spill icecubes down the vest of terror, and presumptuously poke the paunch of pain...' he began, forgetting for a brief moment that Sam91 had already cured him of his Grandly-Inflated-Ego.

'Pain has a paunch?' asked Dirk1540 surprisedly.

'Oh yes, especially these days. He's becoming quite obese,' elaborated the good doctor.

'Anyway, explained Dirk1540, the waspish dragonfly, or WD for short, that I had originally mistaken for the QB, started not only to bite me, but to call for all its mates.'

'The WD had a harem?' asked the GreenWizard, 'a little more excitedly than a side-kick should', thought Doctor Sphinx to himself.

'No, no, GW. The WD that I thought was the QB called its friends', explained Dirk1540. 'Of which there were thousands. Or Ks for short.'

'Okay. I understand. Please continue,' asked the GreenWizard politely.

'Well, GW, as you can imagine, there were Ks and Ks of these WDs biting me, there was the WD which I had mistaken for the QB, and I called out to @Lost4words, or L4W, to help me...'

'But L4W was too busy watching after the pretty-eyed squirrel?' concluded Doctor Sphinx.

'That's right,' explained Dirk1540. 'But how did you know the squirrel had pretty eyes?'

'Saw it in a dream', commented Doctor Sphinx shortly. 'Did Captain @DavidFirth have a word with L4W?'

'Yeah' said Dirk1540. 'L4W is swabbing the decks now.'

Doctor Sphinx and GreenWizard made a point of walking their dirty, mud-covered boots over the decks L4W had just finished swabbing.

'You missed a spot there,' called out the GreenWizard.

Nobody had realised that Doc had started to grow a tail! It was pink and fluffy! What was 'really' in that injection? I could see its tail getting longer. Surely Doc could feel something strange happening behind? It's tail was flicking right to left, killing the flying insects in an instant.

@Sam91 noticed. She was delighted to have the opportunity to use one of her mini-guilotines but which one?

No! You must not cut off the tail! There is only one way to make it disappear.

Lightning dust! You have to find some lightning dust. It's very rare indeed. This precious substance must be rubbed on the tail at midnight on the 7th day of the month. This will make the tail disappear.

If you cut the tail, it means instant death. Or worse still, the carrier will turn into Simon Cowell!

'Hmmm' @Sam91 skeptically went off to consult with Consulting-physician Sphinx, wondering who else had knowledge in these matters. Leprechauns? As far as she was concerned amputation sounded delightful... until L4W clarified his advice.

The doctor agreed with Sam91, that the crazy comments about the lightning dust should be ignored. 'Who'd ever heard of such a thing,' he thought to himself. 'Well, maybe Peter Pan and Tinkerbelle, but no-one else.

Nervously, he spoke to Sam91 'I think this situation calls for your small-but-nevertheless-effective-guillotine-of-truthfulness...'

Sam91 positively beamed, as she brought the guillotine over and tested its blade several times.

'Uhhh... Do you have a licence to use that?' asked the doctor worriedly.

'Doctor, who do you think you're speaking with?' asked Sam91 offended. 'Now, while we're here, do you have anything else that is ailing you?' she asked, hopefully.

'Simon Cowell? Instant death? Preposterous!' exclaimed Doctor Sphinx, unbelievingly.

'As you informed us some weeks ago, we do not need to obey laws while at sea. We are immune from needing any licenses at present.

Please back up towards the contraption' said @Sam91 with undue enthusiasm.

Sam91 refused to get distracted by the alterations happening to @Lost4words

The doctor backed somewhat concernedly toward the device, then suddenly, there was a snipping noise, and the unwanted pink, fluffy tail dropped to the deck lifelessly.

The doctor breathed a sigh of relief. There was no pain, no mess... no guillotine operator!?! He rubbed his eyes, and there Sam91 was. He must have been mistaken. Perhaps he needed some spectacles for himself.

'Thank you Sam91', commended the Doctor gratefully. 'You have saved me once again, it would seem.'

'I now present you with this Sphinx tail, for you to mount in your Museum of Taxidermy, to bring onlookers from near and far'.

Doctor Sphinx handed the tail to the GreenWizard, who in turn packed it away for safe-keeping, so Sam91 wouldn't get her hands dirty.

'No, I refused to get distracted by the unsightly protrusions on @Lost4words face. You see I have given up with obeying the laws of time and physics too and I altered reality'

'Thank you again, Sam91', the doctor replied.

'But poor Lost4words does seem to have quite a number of unsightly protrusions on his face. And when I say unsightly, I mean that the ship's rats cringe in fear when they see L4W coming. Would you have any cures for such terrible ailments, Sam91?' the doctor asked, hopefully.

'Treating the cause might be difficult unless I could try out that heart circumcision tool? Still haven't had chance to test it.

Or should I treat the symptoms? A poultice made from onions and rat droppings with a little leprechaun hair?' She asked Consulting-physician Sphinx.

'Oh no, Sam91', exclaimed Doctor Sphinx. 'I think you definitely will need to try out the heart circumcision tool this time. A poultice made from onions, ratdroppings and leprechaun hair just wouldn't do poor L4W's unsightly facial protrusions justice'.

'Just please be sure that your heart circumcision tool is big enough' the doctor reminded her. 'Remember, the tool can be too small, but never too large. Oh, and be sure not to throw away the wrong bits, also. It might be difficult with a patient like L4W...'

The Doctor sat back gleefully and waited for Sam91 to perform her art.

Samantha dropped her tool dumbstruck. Here was the good @Doctor.Sphinx actually appreciating her wonderful, if not unique medical tools.

'Hand me the yarmulke!' She commanded while reassembling the circumcisor.

@DavidFirth @Dirk1540 @CtC @*LILAC @joyshirley watched in abject horror and suspense, wondering what else they'd witness while @LaSorcia was sunning herself in Portugal.