My husband attempted to molest my daughter is it a sin to stay in the marriage and is the marriage bed defiled? I have been tormented by this for years. Will I go to hell for staying in my marriage? 
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Fidelity
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PetraFan007
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whaaaaaaaaaaaaat? of course you're not gonna go to hell. you did nothing wrong. and even your husband won't go to hell if he has repented.
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Deamiter
I just follow Christ.
You can NOT go to hell for staying in the marriage! The laws of the old testament make it clear that you are not responsible for your husband's actions, though ideally this would never happened.
Other than that, I am unsure how to answer. I do believe that if your daughter is in danger, God would ALWAYS support a divorce. On the other hand, a broken family can also harm your child -- marriage should certainly be valued highly! Either way, God will support you, but Christians argue about whether divorce would be a sin in this (and many other cases). My personal advice (having known families in similar situations) is to follow YOUR heart. Pray and ask God for the answer you need, and do not let others condemn you for either staying or leaving. That doesn't mean you should go through this on your own, but some Christians are absolutely cruel in condemning others.
I'm young, and I'm certainly not qualified to give you an answer. However, I know that if you pray, and you speak with those in authority (pastors or elders in your church) you will find the right answer. You DO need to talk to someone who is willing to consider a divorce though. Even if it isn't the right action (and I have neither enough experience nor information to say) it is not the cardinal sin that some people try to make it -- though it CERTAINLY is used as an easy-out in situations MUCH less grave than yours.
Other than that, I am unsure how to answer. I do believe that if your daughter is in danger, God would ALWAYS support a divorce. On the other hand, a broken family can also harm your child -- marriage should certainly be valued highly! Either way, God will support you, but Christians argue about whether divorce would be a sin in this (and many other cases). My personal advice (having known families in similar situations) is to follow YOUR heart. Pray and ask God for the answer you need, and do not let others condemn you for either staying or leaving. That doesn't mean you should go through this on your own, but some Christians are absolutely cruel in condemning others.
I'm young, and I'm certainly not qualified to give you an answer. However, I know that if you pray, and you speak with those in authority (pastors or elders in your church) you will find the right answer. You DO need to talk to someone who is willing to consider a divorce though. Even if it isn't the right action (and I have neither enough experience nor information to say) it is not the cardinal sin that some people try to make it -- though it CERTAINLY is used as an easy-out in situations MUCH less grave than yours.
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doulos
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Hi, Fidelity,
If this situation you describe is still is going on, it is not a matter to be tolerated. It should not have been tolerated at the very beginning ... but we all make mistakes. Still, a mistake on your part is not the same as the wickedness on his part. ...
If a man is a non-Christian and consents to live with his wife who has become a Christian, the Christian wife should not leave her husband, and vice-versa in the case of a husband who has become a Christian and whose unbelieving wife consents to stay with him.
While the door is always open to repentance, caution should be the word here. If matters stand thus, you should certainly put as much of a distance and protection as you can ... Our prayers are with you ...
doulos
If this situation you describe is still is going on, it is not a matter to be tolerated. It should not have been tolerated at the very beginning ... but we all make mistakes. Still, a mistake on your part is not the same as the wickedness on his part. ...
If a man is a non-Christian and consents to live with his wife who has become a Christian, the Christian wife should not leave her husband, and vice-versa in the case of a husband who has become a Christian and whose unbelieving wife consents to stay with him.
1 Corinthians 7:12ff says: But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
Now, all this supposes things to be in order as far as the relationship with the children is concerned, and it deals merely with the matter of the unbelieving partner accepting or rejecting the partner that has now become a Christian. BUT... the matter you mention, your husband wanting to abuse your daughter, this is full-fledged iniquity, such as should never be countenanced a moment. In this case, you are not in bondage either. You must protect your daughter from such a terrible pressure. You are NOT betraying any bond. He has broken it by transgression.
While the door is always open to repentance, caution should be the word here. If matters stand thus, you should certainly put as much of a distance and protection as you can ... Our prayers are with you ...
doulos
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Okay, I am going to approach this from a different angle. I am a Federal Officer. No, I'm not coming after your husband, but I want to speak to you frankly if that's alright.
One...You MUST PROTECT YOUR DAUGHTER. At all costs. It is your job as a mother.
Two...People with the type of problem your husband has do not get over it without professional help and God. Period. I have seen them do 30 years in prison and it doesn't help them one tiny little bit. It is a psychological problem that needs attention immediately.
Three...GOD CAN CHANGE HIM, and I've also seen this happen even in my own extended family. HOWEVER, you musn't let what you desperately want to see replace what IS. Be careful. He needs help.
Since you have been tormented by this for years, I assume that it hasn't happened since that you know of.
I would STILL try to get him to get help and approach the throne of God. Nothing else will help.
Stay in the marriage if you and your daughter are without a doubt SAFE, and be a woman of God and help him persue repentance. But I would not just assume it is in the past and that all is fine with him now. You can't afford to.
I apologize profusely if I am a bit too straightforward on this, and I don't mean to preach, but I feel very strongly on this subject and do feel that I have some credibility in this area.
Praying for you...
One...You MUST PROTECT YOUR DAUGHTER. At all costs. It is your job as a mother.
Two...People with the type of problem your husband has do not get over it without professional help and God. Period. I have seen them do 30 years in prison and it doesn't help them one tiny little bit. It is a psychological problem that needs attention immediately.
Three...GOD CAN CHANGE HIM, and I've also seen this happen even in my own extended family. HOWEVER, you musn't let what you desperately want to see replace what IS. Be careful. He needs help.
Since you have been tormented by this for years, I assume that it hasn't happened since that you know of.
I would STILL try to get him to get help and approach the throne of God. Nothing else will help.
Stay in the marriage if you and your daughter are without a doubt SAFE, and be a woman of God and help him persue repentance. But I would not just assume it is in the past and that all is fine with him now. You can't afford to.
I apologize profusely if I am a bit too straightforward on this, and I don't mean to preach, but I feel very strongly on this subject and do feel that I have some credibility in this area.
Praying for you...
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Hi, I believe your first loyalty should be to your daughter.
Your husband sinned. Your daughter didn't.
If this happened years ago, its tricky, your daughter may see it as you supporting him as you are still with him. But if she's no longer at home, so no longer in danger, it becomes an issue of what you yourself can live with. You won't go to hell for divorcing him if you decided to.
You could live separately. If your daughter has kids that way she would feel okay about bringing them over to see you cos he wouldn't be there.
Thinking of you, not easy situation to be in.
Your husband sinned. Your daughter didn't.
If this happened years ago, its tricky, your daughter may see it as you supporting him as you are still with him. But if she's no longer at home, so no longer in danger, it becomes an issue of what you yourself can live with. You won't go to hell for divorcing him if you decided to.
You could live separately. If your daughter has kids that way she would feel okay about bringing them over to see you cos he wouldn't be there.
Thinking of you, not easy situation to be in.
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Gentle-Heart
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Bless you so much for coming here for help and guidance.
I agree with all the other posters. Everything said is valid.
But may I add something else.
Firstly as a Family all of you in some way would have suffered because of his behaviour. Your husband obviously needs help, your daughter with the effects of abuse and the guilt/torment you describe.
Firstly my love see to it your daughter is protected from any further abuse.
I am a daughter who was abused and my Mum did not know about it.
You are in the best position to help your daughter as you know of what happened.
Do not carry this false guilt anymore. He is responsible for his behaviour and needs to find help & seek repentance.
Don't blame yourself my love, it is not helpful to go over in your mind, questions of, if only I did this or did that, could I have done this etc.
Give all of this to the best person possible, Jesus. Ask Him to free you of this guilt and forgive you of any mistakes you could have made. Find peace in your heart from Jesus.Then you are in a position to help your daughter regain peace to, by helping her to receive love/healing from Jesus.
Check out how your daughter is. Abuse can have devastating consequences on emotional/mental/spiritual well-being.Trust in particular is affected.I don't know if she has sought any help over this or if she feels able to talk about it, to you or anyone else. Or is she is of an age where she understood what happened or is in denial. i.e buried what happened in her mind. Which is firstly what I did as I carried so much shame.And this hinderd me getting any help for years.
So thank God in this the Lord enabled you to know about it. So many abusers hide it and keep it secret from wives/husbands what they are doing to a child(ren).I wish my Mum had known & gotten me help earlier.
I'm not wanting you to feel awful anymore. As a victim of childhood abuse I have experienced what can happen if no help or protection is given.
I am an Adult now and over 25 years later I am still suffering. It doesn't matter if the abuse was once or a thousand times the effects are the same.But there is hope my love. Through my pain I sought Jesus and slowly He is healing me and setting me free. I am not wearing a victims shoes anymore but one of a survivor, stronger than before.
So my love I appeal to you with all my heart to give this over to Jesus. He will heal your daughter, He will set you free from this torment and He can help your Husband.
Heed all the advice given here and know I'll be praying.
Hope this helps, you are not alone.
Bless you so much,
Gentle-Heart
By the way your daughter too can find help, love and support here. I recommend it. As a Newbie who joined only a week ago it has been a source of strength and blessing.
I agree with all the other posters. Everything said is valid.
But may I add something else.
Firstly as a Family all of you in some way would have suffered because of his behaviour. Your husband obviously needs help, your daughter with the effects of abuse and the guilt/torment you describe.
Firstly my love see to it your daughter is protected from any further abuse.
I am a daughter who was abused and my Mum did not know about it.
You are in the best position to help your daughter as you know of what happened. Do not carry this false guilt anymore. He is responsible for his behaviour and needs to find help & seek repentance.
Don't blame yourself my love, it is not helpful to go over in your mind, questions of, if only I did this or did that, could I have done this etc.
Give all of this to the best person possible, Jesus. Ask Him to free you of this guilt and forgive you of any mistakes you could have made. Find peace in your heart from Jesus.Then you are in a position to help your daughter regain peace to, by helping her to receive love/healing from Jesus.
Check out how your daughter is. Abuse can have devastating consequences on emotional/mental/spiritual well-being.Trust in particular is affected.I don't know if she has sought any help over this or if she feels able to talk about it, to you or anyone else. Or is she is of an age where she understood what happened or is in denial. i.e buried what happened in her mind. Which is firstly what I did as I carried so much shame.And this hinderd me getting any help for years.
So thank God in this the Lord enabled you to know about it. So many abusers hide it and keep it secret from wives/husbands what they are doing to a child(ren).I wish my Mum had known & gotten me help earlier.
I'm not wanting you to feel awful anymore. As a victim of childhood abuse I have experienced what can happen if no help or protection is given.
I am an Adult now and over 25 years later I am still suffering. It doesn't matter if the abuse was once or a thousand times the effects are the same.But there is hope my love. Through my pain I sought Jesus and slowly He is healing me and setting me free. I am not wearing a victims shoes anymore but one of a survivor, stronger than before.
So my love I appeal to you with all my heart to give this over to Jesus. He will heal your daughter, He will set you free from this torment and He can help your Husband.
Heed all the advice given here and know I'll be praying.
Hope this helps, you are not alone.
Bless you so much,
Gentle-Heart
By the way your daughter too can find help, love and support here. I recommend it. As a Newbie who joined only a week ago it has been a source of strength and blessing.
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