Feeling of replacement..

[HolyOne87]

I do not know if any of you read my blogs as of late..If you have, then you kind of have an idea whats going on already in my life. For those who havent, heres a brief background..

My "best" friend and I were in a not talking time for a bit. It was a little bit of her because she felt I forgot about her and assumed my boyfriend meant more to me then her. She never brought this up to me. She just covered it up with smiles and whatnot and also just didn't really say a word to me online(when I said stuff to her). Eventually I caught on and brought it up to her. She explained her side and I explained mine. Since then we hung out at least once so far(which was last thursday night).

But as this all was happening(the whole my "best" friend and I not talking because she was assuming things), she seemed to have quickly replaced me with two people she met online(as far as them being her bestest friends ever). To me, it feels like I am really nothing to her now but a person from the past; just someone that was able to relate to the problems she had a few months ago(her and her bf broke up at the same time me and my bf of 3 years broke up--so we comforted each other). I dont get how she can replace me that quickly. It hurts knowing that. And she even cut herself over this situation(about not being friends with me and the "anger" she had at me that she took out on herself).

This just makes me even more afraid to get that close to someone ever. I mean, right now, because of this situation, I only trust one person in my life with all of my pains, thoughts, etc.(this person being a priest in my parish..ive known him for 3 years--longer than my "best" friend--and he knows ALL that goes on with me..he even knows how i think..which is scary that someone knows me that well).

I am really at a loss on this situation now. My "best" friend wanted to be friends again, and we are and she knows my side of the story, so why is she still so distant from me? Right now, I am at the point where I just want to become that loner again that i once was and just not let anyone in and only help people when they need help and leave there side once they can stand on their own two feet again so i can avoid this type of pain.

I know this post went all over the place..I apologize.
Any feedback would be great.

Thanks

 

[goldenviolet]

relationships sometimes change. sounds like yours is in change. have you tried to write a letter on how you feel? sometimes writing it out makes it all more clearer. even if you don't give it to her, you'll have had a chance to clear your head or think about what it is you are feeling.

 

[HolyOne87]

thats a good idea. I might do that later since I am usually up until midnight.
I am seeing her later(my best friend). I figured it would be a nice gesture to take her to dinner as a form of apology for all that has happened btwn. us the past 3 weeks. She seemed very delighted by the idea. So hopefully things will start getting a little better btwn. her and I.
Thanks for the suggestion goldenviolet. I shall write something up.