Feeling like crap right now

[Life2Christ]

I know the moment is fleeting but I'm feeling like crap tonight. I was shopping in the grocery store today and I smiled to myself how my ex husband and I used to shop there and we used to have so much fun going up and down the aisles. We used to make each other laugh and put all sorts of crazy stuff in the cart to see how long it would take the other to notice it. But today I was there by myself and he's long gone.

It just boggles my mind that he used to love me and then changed his mind one day. I wish we gave our marriage a chance. I wish I had a chance to make things right; to redeem myself.

The greatest irony is that I don't even like the guy (let alone love him). God made sure my life was 100% better after the divorce. I have everything I need and many things I want. I guess my heart will always be restless. Wth is wrong with me....this moment is fleeting.

 

[iambren]

Takes time for the heart to heal past divorce. I'm divorced and get those kind of feelings at the store too. What's worse is that she works at the optical dept of this Walmart I shop at!

 

[Life2Christ]

We have been divorced for 6 whole years. I'm tired of feeling this way. Thankfully I dont feel this way very often.

 

[exitstageright]

We have been divorced for 6 whole years. I'm tired of feeling this way. Thankfully I dont feel this way very often.

When I got my first divorce,I thought that I would not feel hurt,because I was the one who filed for the divorce. I.....was......wrong! Divorcing someone is like cuting off a part of your body. Sonething that was a part of you.
I am praying that God will give you some comfort and some peace at this time. Take care

 

[dayhiker]

Life2Christ, I feel that at times myself. That's one of the reasons I'm learning to communicate better so issue that go unspoken for years are a big part of a divorce. I think a simple communication can fix a problem while it is small early on. At least that's what I'm hoping for. I do think that its good to remember the good times with an ex spouse tho. Not so get back together, but so when we see them its not as negative of an experience.

Divorce Care really brought home the pain and how long it can last to be in a way that going thru my divorce didn't. They likened it to a death and the grieving that one goes thru. So as you know its a common feeling.

 

[Life2Christ]

I do think that its good to remember the good times with an ex spouse tho. Not so get back together, but so when we see them its not as negative of an experience.

Thankfully I'm at this place now although I struggle because I still see him as "the man who abandoned his family for a dirty harlot." I don't know if I could ever respect him 100% but I'm at 50% now.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Well I can kind of relate. When I was younger and with the man I loved (in my teens and twenties) it KILLED me when he married somone else! We dated/lived together for 5 years and then BAM! he leaves me and 8 months later he marries this plain jane chick (kind of reminded me of Sissy Spacek a little) and I just didn't understand (aside from the looks because I am/was no bombshell myself).

I don't think I ever really got over that. And then of course my husband of almost 25 years dies! And now I am mid 50's and the prospects aren't even there. I know I still love my husband and will never be "over" him either.
So yeah it sucks being human sometimes and that is why I long to be in eternity! I just know it will be so much better and the things we value now will not even come on our radar (if we have radar )

 

[dayhiker]

Life, That is very understandable for sure. I got dropped quite a few times from the end of my teens into my 20's. Was an emotional trip that thru me for a loop! But I guess I never looked down on the lady, it was more a generic life is happening to me type view.

 

[iambren]

When I divorced I didn't want my boys to move from the house, she couldn't buy me out, I didn't like a support agency breathing down my neck, and I wanted the tax benefits so we had it set up that I paid her mortgage in lieu of traditional child support.

It's worked well BUT....home mechanicals are my responsibility so I often end up over there to fix electrical, hole leaking in roof, garage door not working, and on times when boys need watched some. My ex and I are pretty compatible so it usually works out smoothly (in fact, she just called me to remind me to pick her up in the morning for her cataract surgery). She wants ME to go with her on occasions like that.

Also, and women may not relate to this, but we lived in this house for 15 years. At 7-8 years being there we remodeled and I was involved in a lot of it. Parts were never finished and I do work still on it. The thing is that house has taken on a physical representation of our marriage, like it has become us, and feels like us when I'm around it. She'll come home, I've worked on OUR home and in that warmth of home I ask if she would like a backrub or to make love (we haven't). Emotionally though I'm in a PLACE that my heart locks in on so my recovery even after 4 years has been sloooow!

 

[Life2Christ]

Iambren: why did you get a divorce?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Iambren, that must be really difficult for you. My oldest son's ex gf's parents had a similar relationship. They each have a house around the corner from each other. The kids go back and forth on a weekly every other weekend sort of thing. He pays or helps to pay her mortgage. They, though are still married. They take "family" vacations together but SHE dates.....several guys at a time. I don't see how HE could do the same because of their "arrangement". I don't think he wanted out of the marriage but she did. He is a Judge so he makes good money and she used to teach at the university, not sure what she does now. They were raised Mormon and when they had kids they decided that they didn't want to raise them in that religion, so she is now a Pagan and IDK what he is, but he DID freak out when my son gave her a sheild with a scripture on it and accused my son of trying to "convert" his daughter! which I thought was odd given that they "say" they want their kids to make their own choices about "religion". But as far as the father goes, how the heck can he move on when his ex wife lives around the corner and is involved in alot of his life still? Kind of like you. It's like she wants no one else to have you but she doesn't really want you totally either?

 

[dayhiker]

There are some strange situations out there. My exGF told on of a friend of hers. The got a divorce but still one the house together. She had him do all the maintenance, and they split half of things like a new roof. He apparently does all this as he will get half the house when they sell it. But in reality he is also doing many of the things that is normally associated with the cost of living in a house. But it its what he wants to so with his spare time.

 

[iambren]

If I had no kids I would have simply split the equity. My first 7 years of life I moved about 7X and I wanted stability for my boys. They had been there since their birth, had been doing so well with their schools, grades, neighborhood, spiritual development I didn't want to uproot them.

Life2Christ, my ex had suffered some abandonment and sexual molestation as a very young girl. I divorced her because 14 out of the 15 year marriage sexual/emotional rejection of me got to the point that it seemed a defrauding issue . Being abandoned opened me to temptation, stress was in the home, and she refused to deal with it. I don't think she's an evil person and we get along very well platonically (although I do think some game-playing was going on pre-marriage when she was strongly sexual ). So house, kids, a friendship is shared amicably. It is sad. Her cataract surgery went well, just a couple hours ago.

 

[exitstageright]

There are some strange situations out there. My exGF told on of a friend of hers. The got a divorce but still one the house together. She had him do all the maintenance, and they split half of things like a new roof. He apparently does all this as he will get half the house when they sell it. But in reality he is also doing many of the things that is normally associated with the cost of living in a house. But it its what he wants to so with his spare time.

Yes,there sure are strange situations. My ex and I met at church.We both go to the same church. We both attend the same Sunday School class.
B....,her boyfriend, who goes to our same church,and also is in our same Sunday School class,approached me a couple of Sundays ago. He told me,"S...., I just had to quit C." I told him,"B....,you need not tell me why,because I know why."

My ex,when we see each other at church,smiles at me and says"Hello." I say,"Hello",and walk away. She acts as if she is very glad to see me.
The problem is that,C is very nice to everyone at church.
At church,on the church grounds,she is Dr. Jekyl. Off of the church grounds,she is Ms. Hyde.

 

[Life2Christ]

Tonight I got into an argument with my dad over a minor thing and he called me a bi... and then he said I was a piece of sh..
I'm just venting. Some might call it abusive, I call it Tuesday night. I was just making progress with him but we now went back to square one. Trouble is, he wants me out of his house and I really have no where to go. Now Ive got problems. I do own a condo but I'm renting it out to my grandma. Maybe I can sleep on her couch. I need a long term plan for me and my daughter. I just don't know what.

Ive been praying for me and my dad for a long time. I dont see a light at the end. I let him curse me and I did not curse him back but I did tell him that I hated him.

 

[exitstageright]

Tonight I got into an argument with my dad over a minor thing and he called me a bi... and then he said I was a piece of sh..
I'm just venting. Some might call it abusive, I call it Tuesday night. I was just making progress with him but we now went back to square one. Trouble is, he wants me out of his house and I really have no where to go. Now Ive got problems. I do own a condo but I'm renting it out to my grandma. Maybe I can sleep on her couch. I need a long term plan for me and my daughter. I just don't know what.

Ive been praying for me and my dad for a long time. I dont see a light at the end. I let him curse me and I did not curse him back but I did tell him that I hated him.

How awful and terrible! I just got through praying for you.Hope things will get better for you.You deserve better.

 

[Life2Christ]

How awful and terrible! I just got through praying for you.Hope things will get better for you.You deserve better.

Thanks. I appreciate it.

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

That is not a good situation for you or your daughter. Children can internalize it when the adults express a lot of tension and conflict. I hope you and your daughter can find a more tranquil environment.

 

[iambren]

Ex--right
We have some things in common. Last Sunday the four of us sat in service together...my ex, two boys, then me. I could be praying that God could heal our marriage and she's an armslength away!

 

[Life2Christ]

I hope you and your daughter can find a more tranquil environment.

Yeah I need a gameplan. I just have to pray on it.
IAmbren: that is so sad. Ive been in that situation too. I posted about this before but I have been in church with my daughter and ex praying for a miracle too. Even the priest thought we were married.