P
Phoenix92885
Guest
This may turn into a ridiculously long rant but please bear with me and thanks in advance for taking the time to read. Its comforting to know at least some where out there I am being heard.
In a way I'm feeling almost like a modern day Job. I feel like everything in my life is being taken from me. So much has happened in the past year. 8 months ago, my father unexpectedly passed away. He literally collapsed in his bathroom and was gone. The man was only a month away from turn 40. So I've been struggling with what has been ripped away from me just in that. My father never saw me walk a stage at graduation since I convinced them to let me home school, he never will get the chance to walk me down the isle to get married, and he will never hold my first child. While dealing with my fathers death I had to deal with arranging his affairs and having his girlfriend deny me things that were legally mine and also getting me into legal trouble for her having things in her possession and not me.
When things begin to reach some sort of normal everything spins when my mother becomes ill. Turns out she has cancer. I'm 19 years old and in danger of being an orphan, in danger of neither parents seeing the important milestones of my life. Fear is constantly gnawing at me. I pray to God that he doesn't take her yet because I'm not ready to deal with that kind of pain. Losing my dad made me crumble inside and out.
But thats not where things end for me. Recently, my best friend of ten years has betrayed me. Long story short her husband decided to include himself in a family argument that didn't involve him. In efforts to knock my aunt down he made a false report to Child Protective Services involving my 15 year old cousin who is very close to me. My ex-best-friend did nothing to stop him from doing this and didn't even bother to tell me the truth about it all when it happened until I discovered it all for myself. She was part of my family and so was her husband until they pulled this stunt. I feel hurt beyond words at this.
This is just within less than a year. My life has been a constant rollercoaster. I'm wondering what else I have to endure for life to get better. I can accept if I'm destined for a hard life. I have no problem accepting that road, if thats what God has planned for me. What bothers me is that these hardships don't just affect me. Everyone around me is affected to. It tears me up inside to helplessly watch those around me be in pain.
What do I need to do to renew my faith, what do I need to do to learn to accept God's plan? I'm struggling with wanting to give up on life entirely. Not give up as in suicide but give up as in to stop trying. To stop caring. I want to be strong for everyone around me because if my mom does go to be with my dad I am what's left. I am the one who has to be strong.
I'll accept whatever advice, words of encouragement or prayers you have to offer.
Phoenix
In a way I'm feeling almost like a modern day Job. I feel like everything in my life is being taken from me. So much has happened in the past year. 8 months ago, my father unexpectedly passed away. He literally collapsed in his bathroom and was gone. The man was only a month away from turn 40. So I've been struggling with what has been ripped away from me just in that. My father never saw me walk a stage at graduation since I convinced them to let me home school, he never will get the chance to walk me down the isle to get married, and he will never hold my first child. While dealing with my fathers death I had to deal with arranging his affairs and having his girlfriend deny me things that were legally mine and also getting me into legal trouble for her having things in her possession and not me.
When things begin to reach some sort of normal everything spins when my mother becomes ill. Turns out she has cancer. I'm 19 years old and in danger of being an orphan, in danger of neither parents seeing the important milestones of my life. Fear is constantly gnawing at me. I pray to God that he doesn't take her yet because I'm not ready to deal with that kind of pain. Losing my dad made me crumble inside and out.
But thats not where things end for me. Recently, my best friend of ten years has betrayed me. Long story short her husband decided to include himself in a family argument that didn't involve him. In efforts to knock my aunt down he made a false report to Child Protective Services involving my 15 year old cousin who is very close to me. My ex-best-friend did nothing to stop him from doing this and didn't even bother to tell me the truth about it all when it happened until I discovered it all for myself. She was part of my family and so was her husband until they pulled this stunt. I feel hurt beyond words at this.
This is just within less than a year. My life has been a constant rollercoaster. I'm wondering what else I have to endure for life to get better. I can accept if I'm destined for a hard life. I have no problem accepting that road, if thats what God has planned for me. What bothers me is that these hardships don't just affect me. Everyone around me is affected to. It tears me up inside to helplessly watch those around me be in pain.
What do I need to do to renew my faith, what do I need to do to learn to accept God's plan? I'm struggling with wanting to give up on life entirely. Not give up as in suicide but give up as in to stop trying. To stop caring. I want to be strong for everyone around me because if my mom does go to be with my dad I am what's left. I am the one who has to be strong.
I'll accept whatever advice, words of encouragement or prayers you have to offer.
Phoenix