Feel like such a failure

[Lilybean]

The constant battle between hate, anger and unforgiveness. I think that I am doing okay only to be back at the beginning of the cycle. I want this to break instead of holding me in it. People have said "walk in forgiveness" - yeah that's an easy one! How? I feel like such a failure as a Christian as I can't seem to do this. Will this ever change? Does anyone have any idea's of what I can do to live in victory in these area's of my life? Is it like this for anyone else?

 

[restore]

It is a process, girl.
U r starting now, keep on posting and learning, praying is powerful, too.
Let the lord open more door slowly for you,
For u still need a lot healing.
When he heals u more, u will be able to forgive more, and see a brighter sky.

 

[Johnnz]

Healing is far more than forgiveness. That's far too simplistic. You need time (probably lots) with a suitably experienced person to discover the issues that are behind how you feel and to understand how to begin resolving them. You may need to go outside your church too, unless there is someone there who does know about sexually abused people. Forgiveness often comes after a lot of processing, not right at the beginning.

John
NZ

 

[restore]

Healing is far more than forgiveness. That's far too simplistic. You need time (probably lots) with a suitably experienced person to discover the issues that are behind how you feel and to understand how to begin resolving them. You may need to go outside yoour church too, unless there is someone there who does know about sexually abused people. Forgiveness often comes afetr a lot of processing, not right at the beginning.

John
NZ

Yes, it is complicated for the healing process.
U may find some people to talk, or find some penpals, u can pm me, too , if u like.

 

[MrFreshdew]

look 2 Jesus who has you in His care and relax in Him,He is the one who can change you,so relax in His time.For His timing and ways are soooo much better 2 trust in

 

[Lilybean]

Thank you all for your encouragement, it is nice to know that it is a process, so I will continue hour by hour, and try not to be too discouraged with it all.
Your sister in Christ
Lilybean

 

[Mr.Cheese]

.

 

[Johnnz]

Abuse sets up a number of issues within a woman. Each one must be identified and worked through. For example, guilt, confusion, feeling dirty and unclean, fear, increased sexual awareness of its opposite, anger, fear of anything sexual, self deprecation or feelings of unworthiness are frequent consequences of abuse. Each needs its own healing.

Bless you
John
NZ

 

[Lilybean]

Abuse sets up a number of issues within a woman. Each one must be identified and worked through. For example, guilt, confusion, feeling dirty and unclean, fear, increased sexual awareness of its opposite, anger, fear of anything sexual, self deprecation or feelings of unworthiness are frequent consequences of abuse. Each needs its own healing.

Bless you
John
NZ

Thank you for this reply. I have spent sometime thinking about what you have said, and it seems to make alot sense to me. There are a turmoil of emotions that I need to process, and this will take time. So the failure part is all part of the undealt with emotions, if I deal with these then I will stop feeling a failure.

 

[pennsyginny]

The constant battle between hate, anger and unforgiveness. I think that I am doing okay only to be back at the beginning of the cycle. I want this to break instead of holding me in it. People have said "walk in forgiveness" - yeah that's an easy one! How? I feel like such a failure as a Christian as I can't seem to do this. Will this ever change? Does anyone have any idea's of what I can do to live in victory in these area's of my life? Is it like this for anyone else?

There are many things that have helped in my life but for me personally forgiveness has been the key. I made conscious choices to forgive--even if I had to do it more than once. I've made conscious choices not to hate, even if I have had to remind myself of that. To me, communicating with others has been hugely important. What strength I have gained from other women. And at 55, I am still gaining strength. For the first time I am alone in my house. I may sound grouped out but I do several groups a week, domestic violence, sexual assault, 12-step, Bible study. All have a step in my healing. I can finally say I am overcoming. When people say walk in forgiveness, I don't think they are saying it is easy. it is not easy. It's a choice we have to make. Jesus has a lot to forgive on my behalf but I feel I have a lot to be forgiven for as well. Jesus is truly the one who can teach us about forgiveness. It doesn't make you a failure that you struggle with it. It makes you a human. It can change however. Forgiveness does not say that you were not hurt. You certainly have been. But for me, it is waht allows me to move on.

 

[Surviving]

The constant battle between hate, anger and unforgiveness. I think that I am doing okay only to be back at the beginning of the cycle. I want this to break instead of holding me in it. People have said "walk in forgiveness" - yeah that's an easy one! How? I feel like such a failure as a Christian as I can't seem to do this. Will this ever change? Does anyone have any idea's of what I can do to live in victory in these area's of my life? Is it like this for anyone else?

Firstly, you are not a failure - none of us are. What has happened to us was awfule and it is very hard to forgive someone straight away...sometimes it can take years. My abuse happened 14 years ago and I haven't forgiven at all yet. (This is not to say that I won't). Forgivining someone takes time and we can only do it when we are ready.

Secondly, as for being angry, this is very normal. What you are going through is normal. Don't think that you have failed as a Christian because you are feeling this way. This just goes to show that you are human. God is with you and he knows your every need. Try not to worry.

 

[Lilybean]

There are many things that have helped in my life but for me personally forgiveness has been the key. I made conscious choices to forgive--even if I had to do it more than once. I've made conscious choices not to hate, even if I have had to remind myself of that. To me, communicating with others has been hugely important. What strength I have gained from other women. And at 55, I am still gaining strength. For the first time I am alone in my house. I may sound grouped out but I do several groups a week, domestic violence, sexual assault, 12-step, Bible study. All have a step in my healing. I can finally say I am overcoming. When people say walk in forgiveness, I don't think they are saying it is easy. it is not easy. It's a choice we have to make. Jesus has a lot to forgive on my behalf but I feel I have a lot to be forgiven for as well. Jesus is truly the one who can teach us about forgiveness. It doesn't make you a failure that you struggle with it. It makes you a human. It can change however. Forgiveness does not say that you were not hurt. You certainly have been. But for me, it is waht allows me to move on.

WOW what an amazing testimony. I have a question, when you made a conscious choice, was this on a daiy basis, and what did you do with those uncontrollable negative emotions? It seems no matter what I do, I have this unresolved unforgiveness and hate in my heart. I'm scared of turning into a bitter person, but I can't seem to get past this. I have prayed, repented, thanked God for all things including this.

 

[Johnnz]

Those feelings are often rooted in a deep sense of violation and injustice - you are a victim that just has to get on with your life, he gets away with it and just goes on living.

Part of that reconciliation is coming to rest that there is s final accounting for him, and all injustice will be properly addressed. Plus, focus on the transformation that Jesus brings for you. He does not leave you trashed by your past. Instead He re-creates you, gives you a new beginning (born anew).

John
NZ

 

[Born2Serve06]

I was always told that forgiveness is like a layer of onion. Sometimes you just have to keep pulling off the layers. Each time the feeling of unforgiveness comes back you just have to offer back the forgiveness. Hang in there!