Fear

[ravendta]

I'm not sure why I'm posting this... It'll probably be moved to some other random board anyway, but here goes...

I truly believe that God has a great plan for me. And I promised him a long time ago that I wouldn't give up on him; that I'd stick it through as long as it took for him to lead me to something wonderful in my life. Now, six years later, I am still holding strong to that promise - regardless of the fact that it has led me to a reclusive life of avoiding the dangers and temptations of the world.

And before anyone suggests it: No, I don't go to church. My history with churches has been nothing but bad, and I have much difficulty in finding one I can trust. I've been alienated by some, and made to feel inferior in others. It's not an atmosphere I find that I can happily worship God in - whereas at home I can worship him comfortably. And for the past few years, I really believed that going to church would be my answer, but I was afraid to go because I didn't want to become alienated again. So, being that my Mother is good friends with the pastor, I emailed him with my concerns. I thought that if I could somehow develop a friendship with him, then I'd feel more comfortable because I'd know that the pastor himself would welcome me.

No friendship developed, mainly because he wouldn't make an attempt to get to know me. To every question I had, every concern I brought up, he simply replied with "Well, this Sunday we happen to be talking about the very same topic! We'd love to have you come down and blah blah blah" it just sounded like a K-Mart sales commercial. I tried to explain my fears to him and my anxiety disorder (I believe I have Social Anxiety Disorder, a mental disorder which, in essence, makes me deathly afraid of people) and he wouldn't make an attempt to understand. He simply kept saying over and over that I'd find my answers if I came to church. He just did not understand that my problem was that I was too SCARED! If were able to just get up and go, then I wouldn't be writing him about this problem!

There were other churches, and other stories, but the outcome has always been the same. I remember when I was younger, I went with my sister to her youth group. Everyone ignored me, so I ended up wandering around the church and daydreaming while everyone else was having fun in the basement. Then she started going to a different youth group, and I tried going to that one with her. I wasn't ignored there as much as I was picked on for being short or whatever they felt like making fun of me for. Then, when my mother got us rollerblades for Christmas one year, we discovered Christian Skate Night at a nearby roller rink. Needless to say, my sister made all the friends, and I usually ended up skating by myself or playing in the arcade alone. This went on for years - I think we were regulars in that rink for AT LEAST 7-8 years, and the only person I knew from that place who still talks to us is my sister's husband, whom she met there.

So, suffice to say, my experiences with other "Christians" have been less than stellar, and I have no doubt that these things, combined with my school life (where I was abused, both verbally and physically - one kid tried to set my clothes on fire, I was groped by a girl who was playing a prank in middle school, attacked by my "best friend," etc), are what triggered my anxiety disorder and my fear of people. I've grown to believe that I am nothing but a burden to others, so I now do my best to try to stay out of the way. Just as an example, I've gone to the same bank for six years now, and I haven't once gone inside. I always use the drive through. I keep myself as distant as possible so that I know I'm safe and not causing anyone else trouble.

Please don't get the wrong idea here. I'm not trying to get pity or sympathy or whatever. I'm merely explaining why I have so much trouble with the whole church thing. Maybe over-explaining... Sorry, I'll get to the point.

Anyway, in spite of all of this, I've kept my faith that God will lead me to something great. I've kept my faith that some how, some way, some day, God will lead me to a source of strength that will let me break through the social barriers I've got around me. My main form of communiation with other people is on the web - I've got zero friends offline (well, actually I have one, but he's into porn and music/movie/game piracy so I've tried to distance myself from him). I want to be able to not be afraid to find ways to meet new people, but I'm too afraid of being rejected again. I'm too afraid of burdening other people with my presence again.

But beginning next month, I'm going to have a new problem on my hands.

See, I've been unemployed for about 5 months now. At the end of July, I was laid off of a job I'd had since I graduated High School in the summer of 1998. Six years I was at that job, mainly because I was already comfortable there and was afraid to find anything else. I'm sure some of you are saying, "Well, if you got a job there then you should be able to get a job elsewhere!" ... right?

Right?

Not exactly. See, back then I had an addition ingredient in my life that made everything easier on me. I had a girlfriend. And having her made my life, as far as I was concerned, perfect. My anxiety disorder faded away, because I knew I had her support. So when I went for the job interview, I just kept telling myself that it didn't matter how it went because I could just fall into her arms at the end of the week when I would see her again. I was convinced that God had answered my prayer for strength through her, because with her support I felt like I could do anything.

She and I split, and it only served to amplify my anxiety issues. I took the last five months off to focus on getting my writing career started, but I promised my Mom I'd try to get a job in the new year.

And the new year is just around the corner.

But this time, I don't have the strength and support of a girlfriend to rely on. I'm on my own now. Yes, I know I've got God's support, but he hasn't filled me with the kind of strength I had back then. No, I'm not saying I need a girlfriend to be strong and independant. But I do need God's help to find that strength to do these things. And so far, that prayer has gone unanswered.

And sure, I'm lonely and would love the companionship of a girlfriend, but I've submitted to God's will on that issue. Whenever it happens, it happens.

Blah - This post is turning into just a bunch of random thoughts. I guess all I really wanted to know was if anyone understood any of this.... Has anyone else had feelings or experiences like this? Where do you find your emotional strength? Anyone else suffer from anxiety disorders? Think medications would help?

Oh... and please pray for me... Not doing all that well lately...

Kevin

 

[MetalBlade]

Praying for you man, I think I understand where you are coming from. Unfortuanetly some churches do sound like K-Mart specials. We live in a time where churches will fall. Any pastor who does not take the time to answer your questions and help you, in my opinion isn't a real minister of Christ.

My suggestion to you is this: go to a doctor. Seriously! Anxiety Disorders can be cured in this age. I never had that disorder, but I have had years of depression, and these new drugs can really help you. Remember also that God is there for you. I know how you need someone to be there to help you with your problem. This is why you should go see a doctor. Maybe even some therapy or a pshycologist. I saw a psychologist once, and it did me wonders! Also if you can, fall back on family members support. I hope there is a brother or mother, or someone who can help you out in this time of need. Don't be afraid to open up to them.

As for your job...well I can't help you out there. But take my advice I gave above. Read the Bible and pray often!

 

[krstg]

I agree with MetalBlade's suggestions. If you feel that you have an anxiety disorder, it wouldn't hurt to look into it with a doctor.

And, about the job: well, it took me about a year and a half to find a full time job after I graduated from college. I had temp jobs that I knew I didn't want to make a career out of. Interviewing for a full-time/career-oriented position was tough, and getting an interview for a position I was actually interested in seemed tougher! It wasn't easy being rejected (even for the jobs I didn't really want) but when it happened to me I just believed that there was simply something else for me. Eventually God answered my prayers with a job I actually like... and I had spent so much time doubting that it would happen!

ravendta, the more you put yourself out there, the easier. Even if you "mess-up" the 1st, 2nd or even 3rd interview... at least you know that you tried and you probably won't have to face the interviewers again... if you do, just think: 'Hey! No one's perfect.' (I guess, sometimes, my emotional strength comes from within.) Perseverance is the key! If you persevere, you'll definitely get a chance at something better. I believe that's part of God's plan.

Oh! If you can't find a permanent job right away, try going to a temp agency... if you haven't thought of that already. The temporary jobs the agency will offer may not be ideal, but it's income and you can keep looking for jobs you might like better.

 

[cbudc]

Man all I can say is keep praying. I think one thing about you though that you're way overlooking is your impact on people. You're not a burden to other people simply because you go inside a bank to do some business. I think you lack some confidence. I do too. I know how it's hard and scarey sometimes to do new things but sometimes you gotta do it. I've said this before. God is going to lead us to the path, but we have to walk it. He's not just going to give us everything and plop it into our laps. If He did doe that then we wouldn't have the freedom of our own minds and the freedom to make choices, wrong or right. Get out there, don't worry about it. You're an adult now, not a kid to be picked on. Stand strong and get yourself out there. You can do it. When you get scared just start to pray right then and there and ask God for peace in your heart and in your mind. I promise you it will work. Good luck and God bless you.

 

[catch22]

It's clear that you've built walls up around yourself. It's virtually a fortress around your heart. Anyone who would possibly want in would have to wage an all out assault to break down those walls. That is unless you chose to tear them down youself. And tear them down you must.

I don't know what God has planned for your life, but I can assure you as a new creation in Christ it is not a life of isolation and fear. Right now you're a deer in the headlights crippled by fear. A day is coming when you must make a choice. Either you let that fear dominate you or you dominate that fear. Today is the day to make that choice. Pray upon the Lord and ask for His strength to overcome what it is you're facing. There's nothing that's too hard for Him. Maybe when the pastor spoke to you that was Gods way of trying to get you back in the church, connected to the body of Christ. We need fellowship, and yes that means sharing of yourself with other people.

You're letting your past dictate your present, but I do hope that you won't let it dictate your future. Walk upon the path the Lord has set before you and know that He is faithful in all things! ALL THINGS!

Lastly, I would suggest you read Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. Perhaps it will show you how to stand up and be a fierce, confident man for Christ.

 

[BornAnew]

Sorry to hear about your problem buddy. You sound like a nice person. IMHO your best option now is to find a good pschologist, or even a councilor to help you overcome these mental blocks you have. I have to be honest, from your post you at least sound like you know what your problems are, 2 main ones I got from it was fear of people (anti-social, I hate that word)..and dependency. I think you become so dependant on a partner because they become all you have. A lack of friends and interaction with the rest of the world will do that to anyone. I myself became very dependant on the warm embrace of my girlfriend. I knew that no matter what happened to me her arms would be there to hold me and give me strength. This was not the case. She left me at my most broken point in my life, I was an atheist,did not know who I was,and what I wanted to do. The Lord humbled me. About 3 months after the break-up I became a born-again Christian (that which I had hated most). God works in mysterious ways my friend. He does answer prayers, but remember he has your best intentions in mind. I have found most if not all of my prayers answered in some form or another by the Power of The Christ Jesus. The thing is I realized that I had to use all of my abilities and talents for God to work wonders in my life. A job did not knock on my door, a lover did not knock on my door, and friends did not knock on my door. I had to go out and try my hardest so that our Lord would bless my every step. Thats the thing though He cant bless our every move, choice, or step if we don't make the attempts. I think all believers in Christ should attend some form of service and worship, after all was not God's Son in the temple praying time after time. If he wasn't too good for church then I sure as heck ain't. All I am saying is that your fear of the world needs to be shattered, either by yourself, a professional, even God. We as believers should not fear anything in this world, but we all do have fears, I as well have alot, we should only fear He that can destroy the body and soul.

What helps me overcome my personal fears is one sentence that gives me strength. I am a child of God, His only Son Jesus Christ died for me, I am His to do with what He chooses. If God is for us who could be against us? I hope this entire forum provides you with some sort of answer as to what you need to do. All I can say is God bless, and pray that in Jesus Christ's name the Lord guides you to break these walls and go out into the world and live for him.

 

[superdave]

Okay I am going to be extremely blunt- becausae I believe the Holy Spirit is leading me to tell you this. I really spent a whole day thinking about what I was going to type to you- and I believe everything I am saying is right on. I know you aren't going to like it, but I am going to tell you anyways... In love.

One- I believe that your so called "Social Anxiety Disorder" is bogus. Your problem is that Satan has lied to you so much that he has built so many barriers in your mind that you actually believe you have this disorder. Phooey with drugs, psychologists, etc... No drug is going to make you love yourself. No Drug is going to help you- no word that anyone says to you is going to build you up- People do not make who you are. What other people think of you- Should not effect the way you view yourself. We have all had problems- I can totally relate to you. I was fat growing up and short as well. I had girls make fun of me, I had people call me fatso, I had a group of kindergartners when I was in the 4th grade bombard me, throw rocks at me and yell- "FATTY!!! FATTY!!! FATTY!!!" I had teachers say I was learning disabled, I have been diagnosed with a weird eye disease. You know how I escaped? I created a fantasy world where I could escape. I would spend hours in my room dreaming, and dreaming, and dreaming... Instead of going out and playing football-I engulfed myself into this fantasy. I didn't want to accept the world, because it hated me. I never had a serious girlfriend, still don't. Every girl has taken advantage of me-- because I was nice enough to let them. I withdrew myself from people, and in some instances I still do. I have a hard time with the opposite sex still, because of ALL my hurts. But through it all, I never accepted the fact that I had a disorder. I knew that the problem layed in me. No, the things that happened in my childhood were horrible. The people that sinned against me, were horrible people. Hey, they were all insecure as well... so they saw me as an easy target- because of my nice behavior. Then I learned some truth that's brought some healing...

I gotta' believe in myself. No girlfriend, No person on earth, Not even God himself (I know I sound heretical when I say that) will convince me of my worth. NO ONE WILL. God can say I am precious, love me- but no matter how many words he tries to say- none of them will work until I take the faith in myself. So I guess what I am saying is this-- Other people can't define you. You have to define WHO YOU ARE.

Also about the pastor thing-- Just a little side note... As a pastor's son, I have learned that the common person thinks the Pastor does NOTHING but prepare for Sunday Morning. Wrong! A Pastor's job is the most demanding job in the world. He has to take care of many people... He has to fight the enemy on double time, He has to prepare the word to bring to the congregation- On top of that, he has a family himself-- He might have an extra job...whatever... Do not get offended if a pastor does not persue a friendship with you. He was probably busy... And he probably cannot disciple you in the way you think it should be done.

Also to make a friend, you gotta be a friend- you gotta step out there and make friends you got to go and show interest in them. If they turn you down, don't take it personal- it's not your deal- it's theirs- it just means they are snobs--and you do not want to be in a friendship with any of those people anyways.

Go get a job. Move on, get some apps. Go and apply yourself in finding a job. I think it might be time for you to move on, anyways--you know???? Sitting around moping about it, is not going to help you at all, man.

Do not get me wrong that I don't think their is any social anxiety disorders. I think a neurological disorder like Autism is a geniune disorder. But what you have is a lack of self confidence and years and years of lies from Satan.

I want to say this- You are worth the world to God. Nothing is wrong with you man, God loves you and you are his creation. God doesn't make junk...so stop thinking you are worthless.


I do want to leave you with two books to read- "Waking the Dead" by John Eldredge (It talks about letting go of the past, and finding your heart.), and "Your Best Life Now!" by Joel Osteen (It talks about removing negative thinking.)

I do encourage you to look at those. And start changing the way you think!!!

 

[ravendta]

Geez, where to begin.

First off, the worst thing you can ever do to a person in need is tell them its their fault.

The second worst thing you can do is make assumptions about their lives regarding specifics that weren't mentioned.

And the third worst thing you can do is ignore things that the person wrote.

First off, thank you all for taking the time to read through my whining and reply. It means a lot to me!

Now, let me address a few things.

Until earlier this year, I too refused to believe in a lot of these newer mental "disorders" like A.D.D. and Social Anxiety Disorder (I mean, that's S.A.D. - even the acronym makes it sound phony). But issues at my job had brought me to a breaking point where I knew I needed to find a new job (and I believe my getting laid-off was God's way of saying "Yup") but I was absolutely terrrified. And I heard stories from other people at work of how many interviews they'd gone on and etc and I started to wonder why this was more than simple nervousness for me. Why would I be so terrified of this when other people can do it normally?

I've always tried to have an open mind about anything and everything. I try to look at all sides of an issue - even sides I don't agree with - before I make a decision. I had always assumed that doctors these days were just coming up with new "disorders" so that they could get more patients and get more money. But, making such an assumption without doing any kind of research was not only close-minded but also ignorant. What if these disorders DID exist? Was I denying myself the possibility of help be refusing to acknowledge them?

So I started doing some research, and I remembered seeing a commercial about Social Anxiety Disorder. I don't know if I'm allowed to post links on this forum, but here's an excerpt from the FIRST website I clicked on. It describes an example of someone with Social Anxiety Disorder:

"A man finds it difficult to walk down the street because he’s self-conscious and feels that people are watching him from their windows. Worse, he may run into a person on the sidewalk and be forced to say hello to them. He’s not sure he can do that. His voice will catch, his "hello" will sound weak, and the other person will know he’s frightened. More than anything else, he doesn’t want anyone to know that he’s afraid. He keeps his eyes safely away from anyone else’s gaze and prays he can make it home without having to talk to anyone."

The part about the voice catching and sounding weak - therefore giving away my fear - described me EXACTLY. It's one of the reasons I stay quiet. When I do talk, I sound like I'm not interested, or that I'm nervous or something, when the truth is that I'm just scared.

Here's another excerpt:

"Another person sits in front of the telephone and agonizes because she’s afraid to pick up the receiver and make a call. She’s even afraid to call an unknown person in a business office about the electric bill because she’s afraid she’ll be "putting someone out" and they will be upset with her. It’s very hard for her to take rejection, even over the phone, even from someone she doesn’t know. She’s especially afraid to call people she knows because she feels that she’ll be calling at the wrong time -- the other person will be busy — and they won’t want to talk with her. She feels rejected even before she makes the call. Once the call is made and over, she sits, analyzes, and ruminates about what was said, what tone it was said in, and how she was perceived by the other person....her anxiety and racing thoughts concerning the call prove to her that she "goofed" this conversation up, too, just like she always does. Sometimes she gets embarrassed just thinking about the call."

I've actually been dealing with a situation like this for several months now. See, my ex-girlfriend and I have been trying to have a friendship, but she was wondering why I never call her. I don't because I'm afraid that something will go wrong - I'll be interrupting her at work, her boyfriend might have borrowed her cell and will wonder why some guy is calling her, I'll be wasting her minutes on her calling plan, etc.

And there are several other examples on the site that match me exactly. Still, I kept thinking that I COULDN'T have a disorder, because in my head, I KNOW that my fears are overblown and I really shouldn't think this way.

Then, I at the bottom of the page, I found this:

"One thing that all socially anxious people share is the knowledge that their thoughts and fears are basically irrational. That is, people with social anxiety know that others are really not critically judging or evaluating them all the time. They understand that people are not trying to embarrass or humiliate them. They realize that their thoughts and feelings are somewhat irrational. Yet, despite this rational knowledge, they still continue to feel that way."

So, in short, the description of the disorder may as well have been modeled after me. I still have my doubts, and I usually say that I think I MAY have Social Anxiety, but a part of me thinks I'm just in denial.

Regardless, I obviously have SOME KIND of problem.

And really, who's to say these disorders DON'T exist? Technological advancements have helped us learn a great deal more about the human body as years have gone by. I mean, think about it, there was a time when no one knew what H.I.V. was. It's possible that it's the same thing with Social Anxiety.

Now, as far as praying for help. I thought I mentioned that I've been doing that for years (six years, actually). And I'm not expecting God to make someone call me up and say "I'm going to give you a job that pays a billion dollars an hour and you don't have to leave your house!" I'm not expecting God to do everything for me. All I'm asking is that he give me the strength to say, "I can do it." That's not really that much of a request. And again I'll say that telling me that I need to take the first step BEFORE God will help me doesn't make any sense. Taking that first step IS my problem. If I could take the first step on my own, I wouldn't have a problem. God can help anyone with anything, you're telling me that God can't give me strength to be confident in myself? Of course he can. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." He's done it for me before, I know he can do it again. And that's not interrupting free will, because I WANT him to do it!

I'm sure pastors are busy. I didn't expect the man to tell me his life story or listen to mine. I just wanted to get comfortable with him as a person. You know, develop some trust. He wouldn't have it.

And I don't believe church is a necessity of Christian life. I believe that fellowship with other Christians is beneficial, and study of the scripture is required. I can study scripture on my own, and discuss it on here. I have several online friends who are christian - two of which I met on this board. I think it's better to have close relationships with Christians you can trust than just polite "hi how are you" relationships with a bunch of people you don't really know. Not only that, but every church I've tried has been all about rituals and routines. Some won't accept you as a part of a congregation unless you meet some requirements. Some make you feel unwelcome if you don't like to jump around and get all excited during praise and worship. Some make you feel unappreciated if you don't or can't contribute to their financial situation.

I say these things because they're things I've encountered in churches around here, among other things. And I don't find such atomspheres to be in accordance with Christs message of love and acceptance. Not to mention the fact that Jesus urged fellowship, both with God and with other believers. He never said "Thou shalt dress uncomfortably every Sunday and go to church - and thou arent' a part of that church unless you fund it and follow whichever rituals it happens to think are most important."

Therefore I find my fellowship elsewhere, and keep my own close relationship with God.

There was one instance where God gave me the strength to go out on a limb. Alvin Slaughter was going to be performing at my sister's church, and my family really wanted to go. Well, we know Alvin Slaughter personally because we spent some time with him at Big Splash (a concert in New Jersey a loong time ago). So we thought it'd be nice to see him again. And I remember praying to God, saying that I would go out on a limb and go to the church if God would give me help me to feel comfortable there IF HE WANTED ME TO GO there regularly.

I couldn't have felt more out of place. Alvin's a nice guy and all, but it's not exactly my kind of music. So while everyone else is jumping up and down and dancing to his music I'm just kind of standing there and listening. People are looking at me and giving me dirty looks like I'm some kind of bum because I wasn't going crazy. Yeah, quite a nice welcoming "Christian" atmosphere.

So I thought maybe God wanted me to go to my Mom's church instead, which is why I got in touch with her pastor. You alread know how that went. My point is, it seems like every time I reach out to try to find some kind of fellowship outside of the net, something happens to keep me away.

There have been other instances too, but I've rambled on long enough. Point is that I no longer believe that church is the answer for me at this time.

Which brings me back to my original point - I'm praying and waiting for God to lead me to what is right.

And I don't appreciate being made to feel like I'm being some kind of bum and expecting God to do it all when the reality is that you know nothing about me or what I've been through or what I've tried to do.

You know, one of my friends - a great person who I met on these forums - was chased away from the CF forums because of the judgemental responses she got to her posts.

Can't say I blame her.

 

[catch22]

No one is trying to judge you here. We're trying to help. Although some of us in more blunt ways than others. Yeah, God can strengthen you to do these things, but maybe He doesn't want to. Maybe His plan involves you stepping out on your own to increase you faith and reliance in him. Why ask God for what you already have the strength within you to do? I honestly think it's a spiritual test.

As for churches, my suggestion (as backward as it may seem given what you've said) is to find a large Christ following church. You can get lost in there and stay anonymous as long as you like. when you're ready then you can move towards joining a small group. Who knows, they may have one full of people dealing with the same thing you are. Then when you've overcome this you can start one of your own to teach others about God's faithfulness.

The point is, we all have spiritual battles that we face. This one happens to be yours. We're a world at war here, and Christ needs his army of followers to stand up and take their posts on the front lines. As a brother in Christ, I need you on those front lines. Use your strength, call on the strength of God. Whatever you need, bring your burdens to the Lord and stand up and fight with your brothers and sisters in Christ. I know you can do this. Raven, you have to do this. Walk by faith and trust in God with all you have. Write down the scripture I sent you earlier and read it when you find yourself in need of strength. This is your battle, but this is our war.

 

[inrsoul]

Hey Kevin

Just wanted to let ya know this. If it helps, confess it out loud!

2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

 

[MetalBlade]

One other thing I think I should add. You can sit there and wait for God to do his magic and fix your life, but you might be waiting a long time. God just isn't going to fix your life if you aren't willing to hang on. It's like if I am an atheist and I have a huge problem and I start praying to God...well why should he fix my problem now, when I never did anything for him. Not saying that you are an atheist or anything. Also God isn't going to fix your life like that if you aren't willing to help yourself either. Even if you are the best Christian, why should God help you if you aren't willing to help your self. You have to do something about your problems with God, not just God acting out of the kindness of His heart.

 

[ravendta]

It's like I'm talking to a brick wall.

Did you not see any of that stuff I just wrote about trying different churches and stuff to find what God has for me?!

Why am I even bothering...

 

[superdave]

Man, I know how you feel I hit brick walls all the time. I have came to learn to push everything aside and just look ahead. Your problem does not lie in church-- You cannot go to a church and find peace and fuffilment. Inner Healing comes from you- not from anyone else, man. Well, I take that back- Inner Healing comes from God-but you have to grab it. A couple days ago, I wanted to scream because it seemed like my faith was gone. The next day God answered my prayer- and a lady came up to me-- that I didn't know and said, "You are a mighty man of God! Rise up!" You see, Faith is a winding road- it's hard. We are going to journey through rough times- Jesus even said that.

I have different opinons about church than most people do, I love church-- I go-- Sing on the praise band--but the truly only thing it does spiritually for me is hook me up with community. My Spiritual Life does not revolve around my church. I don't look to church to make me--it can't. I look to God to fuffil me and define my purpose.

Hey you are being lied to... No one cares, balogna. Plain and Simple. Give it up.

I'll be in prayer that you realize this truth.

 

[Singing Bush]

Howdy howdy. I have experienced some of what you have (the rather intense shyness) in junior high and early high school and still do to some extent now, but probably nothing near the extremes it seems to effect you. What got me going to church despite the fact that I was friends w/ no one and felt incredibly out of place was simply the fact that I wanted to worship God communally and no longer cared what others thought of me. And of course what did I have to lose? I had no friends starting off w/ and I wasn't likely to create enemies by being an anonymous recluse. That wasn't a permanent resolution by any means, but it got me through and I eventually developed relationships w/ people. Eventually.

Since your reluctance to interact w/ other people seems to be to some extent greater though, I'm not sure how much of use that is. So to get to my point of my reply, get yourself to a doctor you or your family trusts. Even if Social Anxiety Disorder is something made up by greedy biochemical corporations so they can get a few bucks off of introverted people, the fact of the matter is the stuff they're pushin' usually works. Yes, let's be honest, it is in a sense a crutch. But better to get through life w/ a crutch than to not get through life much at all right? And heck, we all have a myriad of crutches to get ourselves through life, yours is just a little more obvious.

And if you ever want another on-line friend to rant and rave to, I can always skip over your messages and write quick, off-point replies to you.

 

[superdave]

Why would you want to get by with just a crutch-when you can go to the great physician and get true inner healing that will completly cure you?

That's like me saying, well I am going to be miserable for the rest of my life- at least I have alcohol to carry me through. It's the same thing, like it or not.

See, Christians can't act defeated. I could have what they call Social Anxiety Disorder. But I don't because I know it's not a disorder, it's a inner problem with me. It doesn't have to do with anyone else but myself.

I don't think drugs are bad, ONLY when you need them. I mean if an Autistic Agressive Person is taking Paxil to calm themselves down- that's a whole different story. But, from ravendta's post I can tell he does not have a neurological disease.

Go seek help from a Christian Counselor... thats a lot better than going to the world.

 

[catch22]

I with Dave on this one. We're all so eager to pop pills to fix what we can fix ourselves. Society has taught us to be weak and to think we're much less capable than we actually are. Seems like everyone is looking for the easy way out these days.

 

[Eagle_Wings]

Unless one of us has M.D., Ph.D., or some other sort of human medicinal abbreviation behind our name and has physically seen and talked to Raven we aren't qualified to determine whether the feelings he has about Anxiety Disorder are legit or not.

Do these disorders really exist, yes they do. Are people taking advantage of them for various reasons, one of which being a quick fix, yes they are. But it's not our place to decide if that is really what Raven is struggling with or not. There is nothing wrong with him going and talking to his family doctor, and if the doctor determines that is what he has and prescribes medication for it, there is nothing wrong with that either. You can always pray that God will work through the doctor and if Raven doesn't need medicine then the doctor won't prescribe it, but God can also work through the medicine to help heal Raven. It becomes a crutch when we start to rely on it, and we don't think we can survive without it.

Raven, the key throughout all this is to focus in on God and do what you feel he is telling you to do. Don't approach this whole medicine thing as your lifesaver, it's not going to take away all those feelings and make everything perfect. Although, it will probably help you cope with those feelings better. There is a gentleman in my church with OCD. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) Ever seen Monk the defective detective on television...well that's this guy, only not quite to that extreme, and trust me it's hardly ever comical! He's on meds and he is still a bear to deal with most times, but God really is working in him and we all believe that God has delivered him from the OCD, he just doesn't want to walk out of it. He'd rather God just completly remove it without him doing anything. He doesn't see yet that he'll be a stronger person for having to walk out of it. Also, as much as he hates the way he is, it's familiar to him and he is scared of the unfamiliar, and becuase of that he is reluctant to see what he needs to do. All that to say that he truly has this disorder, he is on meds for it, and God is still helping him to conquer it little by little.

I think it is really awful when Christians will make a fellow brother or sister feel spiritually weak for dealing with situations differently then they think it should be handled. We are called to strengthen and encourage one another, not to beat them down and make them feel worthless and helpless. The only time we are told to admonish one another is when we see a brother blatantly sinning, and guys, I can't say I see that here!

 

[Singing Bush]

Why would you want to get by with just a crutch-when you can go to the great physician and get true inner healing that will completly cure you?

It'd be nice if God was our all purpose pharmacist. But He isn't. Sure He can bring about amazing life change, and to an extent would if we'd only let Him have control over our lives, but I'm willing to bet most people don't let God have that much control over their lives. I know I don't. Not meant as a cheap shot, but in another thread you've made clear your opinionated nature harms friendships at times. Why hasn't God fixed you of that yet? You not praying hard enough? Even Paul struggled w/ things and I'd reckon he's a few tiers above all of us.

That's like me saying, well I am going to be miserable for the rest of my life- at least I have alcohol to carry me through. It's the same thing, like it or not.

I'm afraid you've taken my idea and gone a little wild w/ it. Alcohol is no crutch at all. Sure people try to use it as a crutch, but it only makes them fall even more. I think a much more appropriate analogy would be: well I'm going to be miserable for the rest of my life -- at least I have trusted doctor who appropriately prescribed antidepressants to carry me through. It also sort of implies that I'm saying he should rely only on meds to defeat his problem and that God is just a kind, old fairy to pray to for good luck. If I came across that way I did not intend to. I think prayer is just as important, but for some people in some circumstances God's gonna wait for you to help yourself.

I don't think drugs are bad, ONLY when you need them. I mean if an Autistic Agressive Person is taking Paxil to calm themselves down- that's a whole different story. But, from ravendta's post I can tell he does not have a neurological disease.

Oh so you're a certified physician? Excellent, can you write me a prescription for some acne medication? Save myself the expenses of a doctor visit...

Go seek help from a Christian Counselor... thats a lot better than going to the world.

I'd advise that as well and hopefully, if that doesn't help and you do in fact have Social Anxiety Disorder, he will prescribe for you appropriate medications. Quite possibly, and even probably maybe, you do not need either, but what harm is there in finding out?

 

[Singing Bush]

I with Dave on this one. We're all so eager to pop pills to fix what we can fix ourselves. Society has taught us to be weak and to think we're much less capable than we actually are. Seems like everyone is looking for the easy way out these days.

I hope that was just a general statement in reply to my first post as opposed to one also directed at Ravendta. Otherwise you seem pretty quick to pass judgement on someone you don't even know after being provided with ony minimal details.

 

[catch22]

I hope that was just a general statement in reply to my first post as opposed to one also directed at Ravendta. Otherwise you seem pretty quick to pass judgement on someone you don't even know after being provided with ony minimal details.

Yes it was intended as a general statement. My attitudes towards Raven's situation have already been posted in my other posts. I have faith that with God's help he can overcome whatever he's facing, and I believe strongly that what he's facing is a spiritual test with the intention of strengthening him and his faith.