Falling and Failing...

[Anathema11th]

My brothers and sisters...

Everyone has their story. All equally fascinating and revalating. I ask that you spare time to listen to my VERY shortened version for even words of encourgaement could help...

I did not come to faith easy, my very liberal parents thought it best for me to discover what I wanted to believe, or to us, the truth. I was 16, my best friend(make that ex, with all my friends that is) was a very involved Christian, probably since childhood. Since when I was a child I had only spite for "God". When I would become angry, I would curse him, I did not deny his existence...very odd but fortuitous nontheless. Anyways my friend's activeness and love with God both intrigued me as well as well for lack of a better phrase "weirded me out too". One day she asked me to go to church. I used to tell people I was afraid of walking into churches and this was no different. I could've only been the prodding of the Spirit that led me there. We went, and aside from my awkward feelings toward the worship services, I was...no real words...changed. Me and my friend continued to go to church, but we werent perfect. Like a lot of teens we were into smoking marijuana and alcohol as well as psilocybin mushrooms(magic mushrooms). Before coming to faith I placed great importance on my "friends". I had many vices before coming to faith, and I still do drugs, please brothers and sisters, do not judge quick, what I have found lost in darkness is something that I will always cherish. I'ts better to experienced both sides of the spectrum and then come to the light...Anyways great troubles swell within me from almost everything I was before I came to faith 2 years ago. Let me lay down the current situation right now. I am addicted to marijuana, I rarely consume alcohol and I believe I've expierenced my last trip on mushrooms. My ex best friend, she no longer is faithful-at all. This pains me extremely...the one who led me to faith, she has fallen she spites the church and does not care of what truly matters-spirtuality-, why God? If you can please read John 15:19 Christ tells us that if we were of the world it would love us own as it's own, but since he chose us out of it, the world shall hate us. Well now along with my "best friend" all other "friends" hate me and I them, I know hate is another topic...These people I would die for for acceptance, give everything to them, they think of me as nothing. Perhaps this was proof of Christ in my heart even when I did'nt want him. Now in melancholy I sit alone in my vice of marijuana(I have stopped on Sundays-no big deal but ask any addicted person thats a start)and play video games,study the bible,listen to music. This solitude is away from temptation but what about human social needs. Dont get me wrong I am waiting to be shipped off to college and I have my parents for now. Let me ask you a question, do you sit alone away from evil and be saddened by the solitude or hang out with the sinful people to feel loved, liked, accepted etc. I have never had a christian companion, Only sinful(very sinful) people as my "friends". This is heart crushing, a faithful girl I tried to get close to only seemingly shunned me for my vices, my dark demeanor. It seems like I can only please and make friends with evil. Please brothers and sisters...dont look down upon me as she has...My story is not long enough to enough to entail all the good I have done(No matter Him who matters knows). I am a half black-half white man everything down to my physical is a war going on, I feel as if I shall fall...which is impossible with the Spirit of Him...but...

Forgive me for the extremly long...if you made it this long, praise your compassion. I feel confused, lost, I dont understand how souls who are TRULY lost and confused would'nt even have half the problems or depressed state as I have. The path of light is hard yes...I just need help from my fellow path walkers.(path walkers?lol)

Thankyou,
Maximillian G.J.

 

[NPCDroid]

My friend you seek the light, that is the important part, to seek after God is a bigger step than some ever take, the vices as you call them are things of the flesh nothing more,the Things you seek from God are of the Spirit which is what really matters

 

[Bevlina]

Moderator Note


This thread has been moved from Healing Ministry to Substance Abuse.

 

[JaneFW]

Max, I am glad that you have gotten as far as you have. It is no small matter to have chosen to leave those friends behind, and I do believe that you have chosen to do so. Yes, I believe that solitude is better than evil "friends". God does say that if your right eye offends you, pluck it out. Even more so then, should we avoid those who will bring us to stumble. Although it is hard now, you will have other friends, who will bring love to your life, and not sadness. I wonder whether you can join a group that can help you? I am a member of Celebrate Recovery, and they have a very good website, which you can find just from google-ing their name. They have groups in churches everywhere. You will find help there, I promise.

Also, as you are headed to college, look up a Christian group as soon as you arrive. Make connections with them, and make church-going and bible-reading a part of your life. College can be a place of great temptation, so having as a goal your pursuit of God's word would be a positive thing.

Just some thoughts. "God" luck.

 

[YouthDirector]

I was not sure that I even knew where I want to start, so I prayed for you. I thank God for the faith that you have. I thank God that you continue to persevere even when it is so very difficult, especially when trying to do it alone. I echo Laurentia, find a Christian group that can provide you with the support that you need.

You asked that we do not judge, we don’t. To judge is not up to us, that is for God. We are to love is.

In Matthew 9:10-13(NIV) Jesus tells us why he came to us: 10While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house, many tax collectors and "sinners" came and ate with him and his disciples. 11When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?"

12On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

We are all sinners and anyone who says otherwise is only kidding himself or herself. When I asked my 12-year-old whom Jesus died for, she responded, "for me." So I asked her if he would have died on the cross even if she had been the only person since and for every that accepted Jesus as her Savior. She responded with the simple truth, "Yes." Never forget that Jesus died for you and it is that precious gift that can carry you through some very difficult and nasty times (had them, different from yours, but just as painful).

Your perseverance is a witness to God and He loves you so much for that. Keep at it, I shall be praying for you.

Because of Him,

Terry

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

 

[oat02351]

I really don't think I have the words... I know somewhat about some stuff you mentioned like not having any Christian friends my own age. Just know that I will not judge you, if ever you want to chat. As for the drugs ...I've only done weed a few times and had too much one day and quit like 5 years ago. My better half does it but, I don't but, then I was never addicted. Anyway, post back if you want to chat