Experiences

[Heart4Him]

Hi, ladies!

I'm curious about any experiences you all have had or are dealing with right now in your church/ministry.

I'm am especially interested in your experiences having to do with the pastor/deacon relationship.

Without getting into too many details, have you dealt with a situation where a person has been a deacon at the church for like 20-30 years, is very conservative, opposed to change, and seems to think the pastor is supposed to ask his permission, opinion, or advice about anything and everything?

If anyone has anything that they can share with me regarding anything like this I would really, really appreciate it!!

 

[Sophia7]

When we first moved to our current district, there was an older guy (who is now deceased) who had been a church elder for many years. He once got upset because he found out that my husband went to the YMCA to play basketball for exercise three times a week; he thought that a pastor should be working all the time during the day and that his only exercise should be taking walks in the evenings. When our church was doing a remodeling project, he was very opposed to it and informed me that God never changes, so our churches shouldn't change anything either (including the 70s decor, which consisted of three different shades of orange in the carpet, pew upholstery, and curtains). He could be difficult at times, but he was no longer in a position of leadership although he still influenced many of our older church members and would call people all the time and complain about things. When he wasn't being stubborn, though, he was actually really nice to us, and we were sad when we heard that he had died.

We also have an elder at another church who occasionally yells at my husband (literally) for not promoting certain events enough or for not doing things the way he thinks they should be done. He has a very authoritarian view of church leadership and thinks that the elders should make all of the decisions and just tell everyone else in the church what to do. Interestingly, he doesn't seem to respect pastoral authority very much, though, since he tries to tell pastors what to do.

 

[Heart4Him]

When we first moved to our current district, there was an older guy (who is now deceased) who had been a church elder for many years. He once got upset because he found out that my husband went to the YMCA to play basketball for exercise three times a week; he thought that a pastor should be working all the time during the day and that his only exercise should be taking walks in the evenings. When our church was doing a remodeling project, he was very opposed to it and informed me that God never changes, so our churches shouldn't change anything either (including the 70s decor, which consisted of three different shades of orange in the carpet, pew upholstery, and curtains). He could be difficult at times, but he was no longer in a position of leadership although he still influenced many of our older church members and would call people all the time and complain about things. When he wasn't being stubborn, though, he was actually really nice to us, and we were sad when we heard that he had died.

We also have an elder at another church who occasionally yells at my husband (literally) for not promoting certain events enough or for not doing things the way he thinks they should be done. He has a very authoritarian view of church leadership and thinks that the elders should make all of the decisions and just tell everyone else in the church what to do. Interestingly, he doesn't seem to respect pastoral authority very much, though, since he tries to tell pastors what to do.

Thanks, Sophia!
Do you think that it helps to have a lot of elders/deacons as opposed to 1 or 2?

Does your church have terms for deacons such as one year, four years, or is it indefinite?

Thank you!

 

[Sophia7]

I think it helps to have at least three or four elders because then one person doesn't have all of the power (or at least think he has all of the power) in the church. In our largest church, which has about 250 members, we usually have four to six elders (currently four), and they have an official elders' meeting once a month with the pastor to discuss plans and problems and whatever issues that need to be discussed. They also get together for prayer every Wednesday morning. Our church officers at that church serve two-year terms.

Our other two churches are smaller and have a couple of elders each, and they serve one-year terms. Of course, the same elders are almost always nominated again at all of our churches, so they usually end up serving for many years. And I do think that in the smaller churches with fewer elders, the elders tend to exert more control.

 

[Ms.Garnet]

Hi Heart and Sophia ! I feel your pain so loud and clear - because it is such a pain to have the boss/type deacon/elder---and we have had one in every church we ever have served in ---and believe me we have served in several. In the small churches like we have served in - the boss/deacon is usually the one with the most money ---and we all know money talks!!!! No one will go against the money-man for fear he will withhold the money! It is sad to say the least . We have somewhat learned to live with it becuase my DH does not like confrontation at all (and that is not always good). I can't offer much advice.

 

[Heart4Him]

Hi Heart and Sophia ! I feel your pain so loud and clear - because it is such a pain to have the boss/type deacon/elder---and we have had one in every church we ever have served in ---and believe me we have served in several. In the small churches like we have served in - the boss/deacon is usually the one with the most money ---and we all know money talks!!!! No one will go against the money-man for fear he will withhold the money! It is sad to say the least . We have somewhat learned to live with it becuase my DH does not like confrontation at all (and that is not always good). I can't offer much advice.

Thank you!! I had a feeling it was a common thing in smaller churches...
Our church has grown a lot and is now about 150 people on Sunday, it used to be about 50-60 when DH started pastoring 3 yrs. ago.
I am afraid he's beginning to give DH problems over little petty things, just to give him problems...
We are setting aside a couple of men to become deacons in the next year, though, so I pray that this will help and make a difference.
I appreciate your advice and thoughts!