Experienced condemnation ?

[aspie2x]

Im wondering if anyone has had a similar experience where they have been told by well meaning Christians that they just need more faith and to simply keep confessing and their child with Autism will be healed.
I know we've been there and it made us feel as we did not have enough faith.
Now I dont see it that way. My son is whole! He is different, Yes! However he has a wonderful personality and we love him dearly. He is not any less a child then any other child.
So if you have been told this recently and feel condemned. Please dont feel this way. God can heal and he does when it is the right thing, however I know that my God has helped our sons disability to help us grow and mature. We are stronger people because of it.

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

Ah, yes, I have family members into health/wealth theology and simply are aghast that I would even assume my child has autism. If I even mention it, I am told to speak faith against it and am 'allowing' it by speaking about it.

Nope, not too concerned, I just don't mention much of what my son goes through. I don't let it bother me anymore.

 

[aspie2x]

It is good to hear that others have been able to move through the position of being condemned. I do the same and chose carefully who I can discuss things with and who I cant.

 

[kayd1966]

I've never had people tell me that its because of my faith but I have had people tell me that its in my head...God made the human race perfect and we (going back to Adam & Eve) sinned...so now God's creation in general are bearing the consequences of sin...that includes everything...but that being said...God loves all of us and created us all in HIS image so I can't imagine thinking that any of us are any less than perfectly made in HIS eyes and that is all that matters. My son is exactly who God made him to be, just as my daughter is...so who am I to argue with God about how HE made them. God has promiced to never give us more than we can bare...sometimes I think I'm not strong enough, then I realize, I'm NOT but with God I am...God is wanting to show His strength through us as an example to those who don't believe. What an awesome responsibility we have to lean on the Lord and to do what is right for our children...I'm totally blown away sometimes when I sit and think about what God has entrusted me with...James and Sarah are so precious to me, but the love I have for them is so little compared to the Love God has for them.

There are so many people out there that believe that the Christian walk is a walk through beautiful meadows and wonderful fields of flowers that are there just for us to pick...yet Jesus came to earth to die for us and to give us a living example of how we should live while here on earth...I can't seem to find scriptures of Him walking though those fields and picking those flowers...if you do pass them along.

Ok...I'll get off my soap box now...sorry for the 'rant' its definately not at anyone here...its just something that is on my mind and I feel 'safe' enough to share it here. Hope that it makes sense.

God Bless you all as you seek to walk with Him.

 

[Kathleen111]

Yes and it is very hurtful to me.

 

[CJD]

My son is whole! He is different, Yes! However he has a wonderful personality and we love him dearly. He is not any less a child then any other child.
So if you have been told this recently and feel condemned. Please dont feel this way. God can heal and he does when it is the right thing, however I know that my God has helped our sons disability to help us grow and mature. We are stronger people because of it.

I haven't had many people insist on God's healing for my son, but I have had people who claim to be Christians attempt to prevent my son from participating in the children's programs at a church that we use to attend and the children's pator at that church has tried to stop me from making a parenting call as to when My son had enough and caused a huge meltdown. Needless to say we left that church after I clearly explained why treating my son and I like that isn't acceptable and seeing no sign of improvement. Pretty sad, huh?

I believe that we are called to love each other unconditionally. It shouldn't matter if someone has green hair, purple eyes, orange skin, or what they they are capable of doing and understanding.......We are still called to love them!!!

Yes, my son too is different from the "norm" to some degree and he has an awesome personality. Your right in saying that it doesn't make these kids any less of a person. They are special in their own way and they were created by God to be the way that they are. There is a reason these special people exist and I think everyone can learn a lot from them if they would just take the time to interact with these special people.

 

[kayd1966]

I haven't had many people insist on God's healing for my son, but I have had people who claim to be Christians attempt to prevent my son from participating in the children's programs at a church that we use to attend and the children's pator at that church has tried to stop me from making a parenting call as to when My son had enough and caused a huge meltdown. Needless to say we left that church after I clearly explained why treating my son and I like that isn't acceptable and seeing no sign of improvement. Pretty sad, huh?

I believe that we are called to love each other unconditionally. It shouldn't matter if someone has green hair, purple eyes, orange skin, or what they they are capable of doing and understanding.......We are still called to love them!!!

Yes, my son too is different from the "norm" to some degree and he has an awesome personality. Your right in saying that it doesn't make these kids any less of a person. They are special in their own way and they were created by God to be the way that they are. There is a reason these special people exist and I think everyone can learn a lot from them if they would just take the time to interact with these special people.

I'm sorry to hear that the church wasn't accepting...are you at a church now that is a better situation for all of you?

And, yes...every person is God's creation...and He does love us all equally...some people can't seem to understand that.

God Bless!

 

[CJD]

I'm sorry to hear that the church wasn't accepting...are you at a church now that is a better situation for all of you?

The church that we have been attending now has been wonderful with our son. We at currently attend A Glorious Church (www.agloriouschurch.org). It's a small church, but people there are willing to at least try to include him in the children's activities that they have there.

 

[kayd1966]

thats awesome!

Our church is really good with our son too ... they have some of the High School girls rotating through the preschool room so that he always has someone to watch out for him and recently, the SS teacher came and invited him to her class and told me that her daughter was going to come and sit with him during class...its been so nice to have the support!

 

[HollyHobbie]

I recently left a Word of Faith church where my former cell group leader litterally got in my face and accused me of calling God a liar and going against his word because I refused to say and beleive that my kids who also have autism where healed , when it was obvious they're not . She also got upset with me when I told her that God has told me that healing is not in his immediate plans that he had something special planned for them that would be more effective with them being autistic !.......she again told me I was going against Gods word and doing a great disservice and injustice to my husband (who recently went back to the Catholic church) and to my children It disturbed me so much that after much prayer I decided to go back to being baptist where they seemed a little more excepting of my children,little did I realize that God would lead me to a small (about 40 + ) southeren baptist church that has a family with a now 12 yr old autistic son and another family with a 26 yr old down syndrome son.

This church seems to understand my children and their special needs as well as my needs and struggles with Bi Polar disorder, I no longer feel like I have to hide or pretend to be someone or something I'm not.

I can be honest and still be loved and appriciated and my childrens behaviors ect (common with autism ) excepted and people are willing to learn about my kids and work with them .

God is good !

Love In Christ
Holly Hobbie
Laura

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

Laura, I hear you. I still have family in 'word of faith' churches and it is very difficult. God has led me away from those teachings too. They are quite destructive.

God bless you.

 

[uniquetadpole]

I am stepping out on a limb here...why do those of us with Autism have to be thought of as needing to be healed? That implies that we are wrong in some way...like a few of you pointed out...we are different...but that is only because we think differently...our logic is not the same as those that are around us...the only reason I believe that people feel as though we need to be healed is in order to "fit" into this society.

I admit I need healed...but not because I have AS, rather because of the way people have treated me due to my differences.

In my opinion Autism simply equals different. And no...I am not trying to dismiss the difficulties it causes parents...not only with teaching a child "proper" behavior and coping skills...but also with those same people who can not accept differences. God has given all of you parents with Children on the Autistic Spectrum a huge responsibilty...But He has at the same time Blessed you with one of the most precious gifts He can give anyone...one (or more) of His dear children. Autism does not have to be viewed as a disability (although I admit it sure feels like it sometimes) if you choose to be bold we can help others to see that it really is just a difference. We are just like everyone else...we have talents and skills and we have areas of weakness...it just so happens that our areas of weakness tend to be with the interacting with other people and people don't tend to take to that very well.

Okay time for the newbie to shut up...

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

UniqueTadpole, I agree. My son would not be who he is without AS. I really could not imagine him any differently. I would like to see him healed of things like the possible tourettes because these things are so difficult for him but he is the most special little guy I have ever met. He has such a heart for people and he is just so smart. God made him unique and he is just such a blessing.

God bless you.

 

[kayd1966]

UniqueTadpole: I need you to talk to my Mother....

My son is perfect just the way he is...however my Mum has another idea. Thankfully, she believes that he is 'just fine' which for the most part is really good but when he's having troubles, then its all my fault for 'putting him in a box'....

We actually just had a big discussion on Friday night...my poor hubby arrived home for supper and found me in tears and no supper made...she was very clear that the 'whole' family believes that I have brought this on my son by making him fit into the diagnosis and that having people work with him is totally unneccessary...I was so hurt...now I'm just trying to take it in stride and not let it hurt me but it does...I know that I have to do what I believe is best for him...and ultimately he is my resposibility...I asked her "if he had a heart problem or cancer, I'd be doing everything medically possible to help him so why would that be right and this is wrong" and her response was because if it was medical then it would be proven with tests but making James into a mental patient when he isn't is wrong...so what do I say...I've tried to explain what autism is and given her books but because they don't describe him exactly then it can't be true.

Ok...now I'm ranting again...and trying not to get mad & hurt again.

God Bless you for reading this far...

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

Oh KayD, huge ((((hugs)))) for you. Our mothers must be related. She sounds like my mother. I don't have any words of wisdom but you have my total empathy.

 

[uniquetadpole]

((((((kayd))))))
((((((oregal)))))

I am sorry that your mom feels that way...she is the one missing out.

I know that doesn't make it hurt any less...only God can heal those hurts.

I don't know quite how I can help...but I truly want to.

I wish your mom could see that Autism is a medical condition...but instead of a limp...the symptoms consist of different behaviors. The medical part is simply a chemical imbalance in the brain. This doesn't make me or your James a Mental patient. It is a neurological disorder. My wiring simply misfires...the reason it hasn't been "proven" is because it is an invisible disorder. Most people who meet me know somthing is odd and different about me...but no one thinks if me as having a disability. But what comes naturally to them...such understanding nonverbal cues...is extremely hard work for me and I still don't "get it" sometimes. There are some things I simply can not do...like remember things at the right times. Oh my mom says I have an excellent memory...I can even remember back to when I was two or three in detail...but I can not remember things on demand. Not without alot if help and learned visual techniques. These techniques are what a wheelchair is for someone who is paralyzed. And my difficulties are in no way a reflection of my mom's action or lack thereof. In fact like your mom I can not talk to my mom about my sensory issues. It seems like she does not accept the label either...my suspicion is because I don't fit exactly into every piece of the Autism Diagnosis and I am not like what is portrayed on TV. I venture to say your mom sees it similar to mine...I am sorry though that she blames you...because I know it isn't your fault...and I know it isn't James' fault either...but I am so glad you are getting him the help he needs. Please take time for yourself so that you can be there for him...he will always need someone in his corner. I know I still do.

(((((Kayd)))))
(((((OreGal)))))

 

[kayd1966]

thank you...he is so precious to me and I just want what is best for him...I had to smile when you mentioned nonverbal ques. James and I have been playing this 'game' for about a year now...He says SAD and I make a VERY sad face, then he says MAD and I make a VERY mad face, then he'll say HAPPY and I make a very Happy face...we go through a whole bunch of emotions...now I'm starting to get him to make the faces and we watch each other in the mirror and I'm making the faces more subtle now...all in an effort to get him to recognize the emotions of others...does this make sense? I hope it helps but...but even if it doesn't, we sure have fun...he laughs so hard when we do SURPRISE...it makes all of us laugh.

this little corner of the forum is so encouraging...thank you for the hugs & encouragement...God Bless!

 

[aspie2x]

It is difficult when others cannot understand Autism as they do not see anything physically wrong. It is even more difficult when that hurt comes from your own family. ((((big Hug))) Many family members go through denial and Shock as part over their greiving process and it may be that over time your mum will be able to understand that all the extra help you have given your son as been extremly beneficial for him. "Early intrevention" is known to be extremly helpful.
My In-laws are a bit in both boxes. At first they totally denied it despite their being a cousin of my husbands in England with Autism. Then they went through a " he's improving" stage but still not accepting Autism as such, and then it was " we knew he would improve" and his Autism isn't that bad really. So I guess their acceptance has improved. Mind you he was diagnosed 5 years ago.
Much empathy.

 

[HollyHobbie]

I am stepping out on a limb here...why do those of us with Autism have to be thought of as needing to be healed? That implies that we are wrong in some way...like a few of you pointed out...we are different...but that is only because we think differently...our logic is not the same as those that are around us...the only reason I believe that people feel as though we need to be healed is in order to "fit" into this society.

I admit I need healed...but not because I have AS, rather because of the way people have treated me due to my differences.

In my opinion Autism simply equals different. And no...I am not trying to dismiss the difficulties it causes parents...not only with teaching a child "proper" behavior and coping skills...but also with those same people who can not accept differences. God has given all of you parents with Children on the Autistic Spectrum a huge responsibilty...But He has at the same time Blessed you with one of the most precious gifts He can give anyone...one (or more) of His dear children. Autism does not have to be viewed as a disability (although I admit it sure feels like it sometimes) if you choose to be bold we can help others to see that it really is just a difference. We are just like everyone else...we have talents and skills and we have areas of weakness...it just so happens that our areas of weakness tend to be with the interacting with other people and people don't tend to take to that very well.

Okay time for the newbie to shut up...

What you just said spoke volumes and is well appreciated so what if my children are different thats what makes them unique.
People like you unique tadpole and others who struggle with disabilities such as Autism often are the greatest teachers, we can learn alot from you as I am learning alot from my children !

Feel free to express yourself it brings me hope to hear you talk about your autism !.

I don't know if my children will ever talk verbally but I know that they will in one way or another . God has already told me he is going to use them to fullfill a special purpose and plan , My husband and I just have to be willing to let him !

He's already opened the door for us to help others who have children who are autistic ect.

Praise God !