Here's the situation: We attended a small Baptist church for the past seven years up until the end of last summer. It was always great for me and my daughters because teaching was straight out of the Bible and the adult study groups were fantastic. They did a LOT for me. And the children's groups....something was offered for every age and they were also fantastic for my daughters.
I don't care about numbers, but the fact is that Sunday attendance plummeted for several of the most recent years as did Wednesday night dinners/service/study groups. Dinners/groups went from 125 or so down to about 20. There was some in-fighting and disagreement at the root of it (I was not involved), and I gave my opinion on the matters. I stuck it out and focused on the real reason for being there. That was where we needed to be. And some good things were still getting done.
Our last year there though, that's when things I absolutely couldn't tolerate started to happen. I helped with our youth ministry. The way it was set up, the children would rotate through three 20 minute classes for an hour after they heard the nightly message. I was in the 20 minute Bible study block.
The other folks who had the teens in their 20 min. blocks were frequently upset saying "they couldn't handle them" or "they misbehaved." Well.....as far as I could see those kids were A-100% normal. And I loved them. Loved having them in class & they enjoyed it too. It's understandable as far as I'm concerned to have a degree of angst and even act out on it at the age of 13, 14, 15, 16....while dealing with issues such as:
"I haven't seen my father in 8 years and I keep praying never get an answer and now I'm not sure God is even real."
"My father has been in jail for B&E and I haven't seen him in 10 years, I don't even know which jail it is and as far as I'm concerned I don't want to talk with him."
"What about sex?.....the Bible doesn't talk about it."
"Some woman yelled at me from her car....GET OUT OF THE WAY STONER!!!!...when I was skating on the side of the road....and I don't even smoke pot."
"Nobody at my house talks to me about God."
"Pier pressure."
I don't know what to say except those kids listened to me. And I cared about what was going on in their lives. If they were stir crazy on any particular night I'd tell them.....look, this IS our lesson for the night.....and after we're done we can talk about anything ya'll want for the last 10 minutes or play a game (we had a few favorites they really enjoyed). And it was good. That's what they wanted. A lot of them had nobody else to talk with.....not at home that's for sure. Got to know them pretty well. Almost always, there was very good conversation which always led to a directional pointing His way. It was awesome to be a part of. Got to see Him at work. I got great feedback.
Well, those who couldn't handle the kids complained so much there was a format change. One of the elders involved with a lot of the church building inner workings, a lady, decided she'd take over the teen group & it was also decided there would be no rotating. Children would be in one classroom the entire hour.
So that basically cut a few of us out of the hands-on loop, which is fine as long as the kids get what they need. I would have been content channeling other ways. What happened though was this lady taking over was what I'll call a "throat crammer." Very "authoritative" vs. loving and caring.
Guess what? She started to un-invite the kids she deemed to be disruptive. The very ones that needed to be there the most. She told them to stay away and check with her in a few weeks to see if they were allowed back. I sat in on one of classes.....the lesson that night was "respecting authority figures." Make no mistake, there's nothing wrong with a Bible lesson on the subject. However, toward the end one of the boys tried to add input saying "boy oh boy at my house......." then she broke him off saying "well guess what we're not talking about what happens at your house we're here to get a lesson!" She didn't re-visit his concerns either. Just dismissed at the end of the night.
Great. Just turned him off for the forseeable future if not permanently. I saw it.
It's great to get a lesson on respecting authority but when a kid's got sex, drugs, and no father in the house as his/her chief pressing concerns we MUST give them what they need to deal with it. If we don't then why are we there to begin with???
That class dwindled down more and more until finally, one night there she sat in at the table in the classroom as the sun set with ZERO kids to teach. During the weeks leading up to this I tried to talk with key church members but it always seemed to fall on deaf ears. Nothing was done. I didn't approach it by complaining. I approched it from a feeding/involvement/their-concerns perspective.
The organization's approach didn't change so we quit going there. I'd see members out & about from time to time and they've always asked what we're up to. I was told by another "____ (the woman I described) gave me the youth group......but there's nobody in there right now....so she could go teach the younger kids."
Great. Gives her an empty class to handle then goes to teach what would-be my youngest ones group? No thanks. I don't want what she feels is correct instilled in my daughters.
Just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience. I'm very much desiring a new church home and we have been visiting. While I've missed having a church building home I'm confident He's got something better in mind. We're still part of THE church though - His body.
I don't care about numbers, but the fact is that Sunday attendance plummeted for several of the most recent years as did Wednesday night dinners/service/study groups. Dinners/groups went from 125 or so down to about 20. There was some in-fighting and disagreement at the root of it (I was not involved), and I gave my opinion on the matters. I stuck it out and focused on the real reason for being there. That was where we needed to be. And some good things were still getting done.
Our last year there though, that's when things I absolutely couldn't tolerate started to happen. I helped with our youth ministry. The way it was set up, the children would rotate through three 20 minute classes for an hour after they heard the nightly message. I was in the 20 minute Bible study block.
The other folks who had the teens in their 20 min. blocks were frequently upset saying "they couldn't handle them" or "they misbehaved." Well.....as far as I could see those kids were A-100% normal. And I loved them. Loved having them in class & they enjoyed it too. It's understandable as far as I'm concerned to have a degree of angst and even act out on it at the age of 13, 14, 15, 16....while dealing with issues such as:
"I haven't seen my father in 8 years and I keep praying never get an answer and now I'm not sure God is even real."
"My father has been in jail for B&E and I haven't seen him in 10 years, I don't even know which jail it is and as far as I'm concerned I don't want to talk with him."
"What about sex?.....the Bible doesn't talk about it."
"Some woman yelled at me from her car....GET OUT OF THE WAY STONER!!!!...when I was skating on the side of the road....and I don't even smoke pot."
"Nobody at my house talks to me about God."
"Pier pressure."
I don't know what to say except those kids listened to me. And I cared about what was going on in their lives. If they were stir crazy on any particular night I'd tell them.....look, this IS our lesson for the night.....and after we're done we can talk about anything ya'll want for the last 10 minutes or play a game (we had a few favorites they really enjoyed). And it was good. That's what they wanted. A lot of them had nobody else to talk with.....not at home that's for sure. Got to know them pretty well. Almost always, there was very good conversation which always led to a directional pointing His way. It was awesome to be a part of. Got to see Him at work. I got great feedback.
Well, those who couldn't handle the kids complained so much there was a format change. One of the elders involved with a lot of the church building inner workings, a lady, decided she'd take over the teen group & it was also decided there would be no rotating. Children would be in one classroom the entire hour.
So that basically cut a few of us out of the hands-on loop, which is fine as long as the kids get what they need. I would have been content channeling other ways. What happened though was this lady taking over was what I'll call a "throat crammer." Very "authoritative" vs. loving and caring.
Guess what? She started to un-invite the kids she deemed to be disruptive. The very ones that needed to be there the most. She told them to stay away and check with her in a few weeks to see if they were allowed back. I sat in on one of classes.....the lesson that night was "respecting authority figures." Make no mistake, there's nothing wrong with a Bible lesson on the subject. However, toward the end one of the boys tried to add input saying "boy oh boy at my house......." then she broke him off saying "well guess what we're not talking about what happens at your house we're here to get a lesson!" She didn't re-visit his concerns either. Just dismissed at the end of the night.
Great. Just turned him off for the forseeable future if not permanently. I saw it.
It's great to get a lesson on respecting authority but when a kid's got sex, drugs, and no father in the house as his/her chief pressing concerns we MUST give them what they need to deal with it. If we don't then why are we there to begin with???
That class dwindled down more and more until finally, one night there she sat in at the table in the classroom as the sun set with ZERO kids to teach. During the weeks leading up to this I tried to talk with key church members but it always seemed to fall on deaf ears. Nothing was done. I didn't approach it by complaining. I approched it from a feeding/involvement/their-concerns perspective.
The organization's approach didn't change so we quit going there. I'd see members out & about from time to time and they've always asked what we're up to. I was told by another "____ (the woman I described) gave me the youth group......but there's nobody in there right now....so she could go teach the younger kids."
Great. Gives her an empty class to handle then goes to teach what would-be my youngest ones group? No thanks. I don't want what she feels is correct instilled in my daughters.
Just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience. I'm very much desiring a new church home and we have been visiting. While I've missed having a church building home I'm confident He's got something better in mind. We're still part of THE church though - His body.
