Excuse Chart

Inkachu said:

Sha-zam!

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doubble sha-zamm!

(and while they're at it maybe they should think about investing in two bathrooms. Taking a cold shower after he has hogged all the hot water is no fun either!)

Athene said:

Historically, women were always seen as the ones with the higher sex drive. I wonder when that all changed ...

Women are physically wired to want sex frequently, possibly even more frequently than men according to the most recent studies on the subject. Loss of libido is usually down to some underlying issue.

Good personal hygiene, not being drunk and being a good lover should not be considered onerous. Sex is a two way thing and giving pleasure is just as much a part of it as receiving. If that is considered too much effort then frankly some people deserve not to have sex.

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Soooo....true.

Can't tell you how many times in my life it felt like I was the one making all the effort. Meanwhile, the one I was with did little beyond laying there like a couch cushion unless told otherwise. Sex is a two way thing, but how many women feel like they've done their part if they're present and willing? Tsk tsk...

Nevermind... it would be too graphic lol.

Inkachu said:

I never said this.



Never said this, either.



Or this.



ONLY if that's how you presented yourself from the beginning of the relationship. If there's been a lack of that from the start, then the wife has no grounds to complain it's now absent.



Well, duh. Who wants to offer up their most intimate and vulnerable side to someone who's abusive or being a jerk? That can go either way, for either spouse, btw.



And putting something "in quotes" always makes it less valid.



Well, since I didn't say most of what you just tried to paint me saying... you're wrong.



Does anyone NOT know this already?



Again, I never made some long laundry list of "MUST HAVE/BE/DO"'s so not sure why you're aiming this at me.



And here's another related thought. I already knew that.
And yet another related thought: how is that not requiring the wife to EARN his affection through giving up sex?

Something to think about. It goes both ways.

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I quoted the part particularly from you. The rest has come from other contributions in the thread, so I said we learned it from the thread. I apologize if it looked like I was attributing all the statements to you. That was not my intent.

I particularly quoted the portion you put and the part where you spoke about not having to earn it because I think they are at odds. If you don't have to earn it, then what difference does it make how much affection is shown?

If I don't have to do anything to get it (earn it) then why would anything I fail to do prevent it?

Inkachu said:

ONLY if that's how you presented yourself from the beginning of the relationship. If there's been a lack of that from the start, then the wife has no grounds to complain it's now absent.

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Were all the various stresses and activities of life the same as before the marriage too? Were there kids before the marriage, etc?

Things change. The emotional high of infatuation also changes over time to a more gentle love.

Nor am I saying that bathing, or not being drunk are that hard, and I do both. Nor am I saying that showing affection should be hard. And I do in fact do so.

And I do also try to make sure everytime that my wife is satisfied during relations.

However, any list that has to be done before sex is still making them earn it.

And putting something "in quotes" always makes it less valid.

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Or just quotes a phrase that is used.

Athene said:

Women are physically wired to want sex frequently, possibly even more frequently than men according to the most recent studies on the subject. Loss of libido is usually down to some underlying issue.

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Which is why it seems odd for all these arguments trying to find logical reasons she shouldn't have sex with her husband.

Why wouldn't both want sex? The Scriptures assume both want sex and both would have desires that direction.

Good personal hygiene, not being drunk and being a good lover should not be considered onerous.

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I agree!

And neither should sex! So why would all of those things be required for sex anyway, onerous or not? If you don't have to earn it, then why would not doing the above disqualify one from it?

If those things are easy, why would sex not be easy also?

If those are all things folks should do naturally to please their spouse, why shouldn't sex be too?


But you didn't mention the emotional connecting, holding hands, etc. which was also part of the list from the thread.

They are a good thing in their own right, but why would they be necessary as a lead up? Why should there be various requirements for one party to want something that both find pleasurable?

if sex is great, why does one party often seem to have more requirements to be met for sex to happen?

Sex is a two way thing and giving pleasure is just as much a part of it as receiving. If that is considered too much effort then frankly some people deserve not to have sex.

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I have no problem with both seeking to please the other, and both should. However, how would not having sex be a solution to one partner not being good at sex? Why wouldn't informing of sexual needs be better so both can have more of the sex they both enjoy?

Inkachu said:

ONLY if that's how you presented yourself from the beginning of the relationship. If there's been a lack of that from the start, then the wife has no grounds to complain it's now absent.

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This is the part you said, and the part I quoted. And you do seem here to to indicate that the wife should be upset if it is not happening, which leans toward it being a requirement.

Why should it be required now just because it was present then? Are there not many things different in the married phase than in the infatuation phase?

tall73 said:

Meanwhile the man is wired to want sex rather frequently. Call us pigs or whatever. It just is there. About the only thing that is required is that he doesn't find her completely repulsive, and there are not huge physical issues.

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Inkachu said:

Does anyone NOT know this already?

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Agreed!

But then you admit that everyone appears to recognize men have less requirements to be met before sex. Which was my very point.

Which means women then would have more. The question is why? If it is great and both should want it, why the requirements?

Again, I never made some long laundry list of "MUST HAVE/BE/DO"'s so not sure why you're aiming this at me.

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I am aiming it at everyone who contributed to the list. However, you did contribute to it in part, and you also seemed to indicate there shouldn't be a need to earn it.

And here's another related thought. I already knew that.

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Great for you!

And yet another related thought: how is that not requiring the wife to EARN his affection through giving up sex?

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If he intentionally withheld affection until such a time as she gave him sex, that would be just as bad. And it would be bad for the wife to withhold sex until a certain amount of affection was shown.

Those would both be requirements to earn it.

Both should skip the measuring of how much the other has done and just show affection, and have sex.

If it is not that hard to

be clean
be not overly drunk
be affectionate

why is it that hard to have sex?

Why is it considered any more extra-ordinary than the other? If both want it, why the various requirements?


And why have requirements before affection or sex?

My wife doesn't drink, and neither do I. So I wouldn't really be able to say how I would react if my wife wanted sex while she was drunk. However, I can pretty much guess what I would think if the wife got home from the gym and was sweaty and wanted sex. I would think, sounds good to me.

If my wife had not been particularly affectionate toward me being stressed out with the kids, and the various things she has to do, and suddenly wanted to have sex I would think ...well, that is improvement!

And if my wife wanted a hug, I am up for that as well, without having to figure out what she has done for me yet.

Ana the Ist said:

Pshhh...

I know I'm good at sex, I [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] every time.

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I suspect you are being ironic.

A lot of young men can say the same thing.