Ex-homosexual-OCD help

[ProtectMySteps]

Hello!

I don't know if I should post this here, or in the OCD section, but it's more of a sexual issue I guess.

So I've been struggling with HOCD when I was a teenager (now I'm 21 years old).
If you don't know, HOCD is a strange kind of OCD when you have same sex attractions, but you know that you are not gay ("Obsessive-compulsive disorder involves intrusive thoughts that are unwanted and distressing to the individual. Sometimes these thoughts take the form of persistent notions about having a different sexual orientation. For example, a person who has had many years of satisfied, opposite sex relationships might suddenly start to worry that he or she is actually homosexual. Some people who have this manifestation of OCD have taken to calling this "HOCD" or "Homosexual OCD." HOCD is not a scientific term, but has evolved out of the OCD community as a way to describe the distress caused by anxieties over unwanted thoughts about being gay.")

My HOCD was because my relationship was really bad with my Dad, and there were no males I had good relationship with when I was a kid/teenager. So I started to have same-sex attractions with older men.

It's much better now, I don't really have any same-sex attractions.

But now I have a problem. I have a friend, maybe he is my only good friend (I can tell him almost all of my problems, and he helps, he helped when I had panic attack and everything.) He lives so far away, so we can only meet once in Summer (I or He come to the other's house for a week.)

But now I have a fear because of this OCD. I started to have a fear that I shouldn't invite him here, what if I'll have same-sex attractions with him? And thoughts like this.
I've never had same-sex attractions with my friends, only with older men, but now this OCD is okay for me, I don't really have same-sex attractions (as I mentioned) but I only have these fears. Like what if I'll have these fears and attractions again? It's really hard to explain, OCD doesn't follow logic...

So what do you think I should do? I know that I'm not attracted to my friend, and we can only meet once a year, but I have these fear of having same-sex attractions...
I really want to finally close this kind of OCD, but with these fears I can't.

 

[David4223]

MOD HAT ON

This thread has been moved from the Struggles with Sexuality (SWS) forum to the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) forum as staff feels it more closely fits in with that forum.

Please ensure that you are limiting your posts to the OCD aspect -- if you wish to discuss the SWS aspect, please start a thread only dealing with that area in the SWS forum.

MOD HAT OFF​

 

[FutureAndAHope]

I have never experience a HOCD, however I have experienced it in other ways. What I found is that the pressures to think in a way contry to us will not go away until we can continually, using our will resist it. It is a bit like pushing a heavy rock up a hill, we need to push real hard for a long time, but eventually we will reach the point where the rock easily rolls down the hill.

I am a firm believer that OCD thoughts originate with the devil, injecting thoughts into our minds to trouble us. It is not that we are sinning, and it allows him, rather he just wants to make our lives miserable. But like any reasoning being, he eventually gives up on giving us an OCD if he realises it no longer troubles us. If you can find peace in your HOCD, i.e. stop worrying about it it will end. I ignore any OCD like thoughts (persistantly) and I now have peace of mind.

 

[Jesusislove127]

I have never experience a HOCD, however I have experienced it in other ways. What I found is that the pressures to think in a way contry to us will not go away until we can continually, using our will resist it. It is a bit like pushing a heavy rock up a hill, we need to push real hard for a long time, but eventually we will reach the point where the rock easily rolls down the hill.

I am a firm believer that OCD thoughts originate with the devil, injecting thoughts into our minds to trouble us. It is not that we are sinning, and it allows him, rather he just wants to make our lives miserable. But like any reasoning being, he eventually gives up on giving us an OCD if he realises it no longer troubles us. If you can find peace in your HOCD, i.e. stop worrying about it it will end. I ignore any OCD like thoughts (persistantly) and I now have peace of mind.

Hello,
I was hoping that you could help me.. I have the same problem as the young man in this thread. I'm a devout Christian and I'm completely miserable with these thoughts and feelings! I'm have diagnosed myself with HOCD but that's why am so unsure if it's denial or if I'm really homo. my thoughts are so disgusting and have A LOT of "what ifs" and by the way this isn't the first time with OCD, another time occurred recently I just got out of it it was the fear of committing the unpardonable sin, I had just had victory over it and now I jump into this one immediately though I've always liked boys (since I'm a girl) but nothing sexually (because GOD commands us not to think lustfully) but these unwanted thoughts about drive me insane it all started when I saw a picture of a woman and I had an impulse and I started to question my sexuality. And then I read sites about HOCD and they said if you find the thoughts disgusting then that means you're heterosexual at first I was relived and then I started to ask myself did I like it? So me being unsure was so filled with anxiety to the point of throwing up!. But in truth I've always wanted a husband that GOD would give me and have children with him since thinking this way I've thought "what if I'm bisexual? It terrifies me all these questions!! And it isn't the first time I've had unwanted thoughts and impulses about the same sex but at that time I brushed it off thinking that me being an abomination was impossible since I love GOD so much of course i immediately repented of the thought so after and then forgot about it. But when I read about latent homosexuals it scares me. Because they say if you think things about the same sex and like it but some are unconscious about it and the reason they fear is because they fear they'll be rejected by friends family etc but me I'm scared I can't ask for help because me and and my parents are CHRISTIANS and i know telling them I HOCD won't help at all because they'll only think I'm turning into one and my mind will use that conformation and scare me to death so much more! Please tell me what should I do in this situation!!!?.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Hi,

The bible says:

Mar 14:38 Watch ye and pray, lest ye enter into temptation. The spirit truly is ready, but the flesh is weak.

The way to be free from ODC like thoughts, in my opinion, is to set time aside to pray more. It would take me ages to write up my testimony, but I will try to get across the main points that may help you.

I had the unpardonable sin OCD. Because of it I thought I would never be married and was destined for hell. Satan constantly injected thoughts into my mind telling me to rape people, or kill myself. I nearly once committed suicide, and also nearly raped. However God began to reach out to me and tell me he had good plans for me. Around 10 people on different occassions said that they had a verse of scripture for me it was "I know the thoughts I think toward you say the LORD thoughts for good and not for evil". I began to believe this, but the OCD continued, I was under intense pressure, thoughts would bombard my mind over and over again, I would just have to pace around my room saying over and over again "God says he has good plans for me". It was really hard work. As time progressed, I slowly began to over come the thoughts, but it took me some years. I would get slowly better, but then thoughts would come back, and I had to fight again, some times I would fall in my thinking under the pressure of it all. However even when I felt like i had no hope, I would pray, hanging on to the small glimmer of hope. Eventually the hope grew greater than the fear, and I was 100% free. Now this OCD has no power over me. I am happily married, have a good job, have a son, every thing is going well, and I run a few online facebook church ministries.

Hang onto the hope that God gives you at all costs, never give up fighting the OCD thoughts, and you will have a good life ahead of you.

Back to that scripture, when we come to Jesus, He rewards us, with peace, and joy. If we move away from His presence we become weaker. The pressure on our lives is designed to drive us away from the presence of God, some times we have to fight hard to remain in God's hand. But he is there holding us if we fall.

Have an ODC, I say fight hard, it will be hard, pray hard, and you will eventually have peace.

As for prayer, it is hard to pray when you are experiencing and OCD, because it makes you feel unworthy. But ignore it, reach into God, and it will go away.

p.s. when I talk about the presence of God, I am not referring to an experience or feeling, but rather just spending time with God.

p.s. Just a note on how I discussed this event if the Schizophrenia forum, I mentioned I heard voices continually telling me I was going to hell. There I stated after I gained hope I prayed on a single occassion and the voices stopped. This is true in the sense that it was the turning point in my life, the decision to stand against Satan freed me from the constant bombardment of these thoughts, and I came back to God. However it is also true that these things tried over the years to re-invade my thoughts.

 

[Jesusislove127]

Hi,

The bible says:

Mar 14:38 Watch ye and pray, lest ye enter into temptation. The spirit truly is ready, but the flesh is weak.

The way to be free from ODC like thoughts, in my opinion, is to set time aside to pray more. It would take me ages to write up my testimony, but I will try to get across the main points that may help you.

I had the unpardonable sin OCD. Because of it I thought I would never be married and was destined for hell. Satan constantly injected thoughts into my mind telling me to rape people, or kill myself. I nearly once committed suicide, and also nearly raped. However God began to reach out to me and tell me he had good plans for me. Around 10 people on different occassions said that they had a verse of scripture for me it was "I know the thoughts I think toward you say the LORD thoughts for good and not for evil". I began to believe this, but the OCD continued, I was under intense pressure, thoughts would bombard my mind over and over again, I would just have to pace around my room saying over and over again "God says he has good plans for me". It was really hard work. As time progressed, I slowly began to over come the thoughts, but it took me some years. I would get slowly better, but then thoughts would come back, and I had to fight again, some times I would fall in my thinking under the pressure of it all. However even when I felt like i had no hope, I would pray, hanging on to the small glimmer of hope. Eventually the hope grew greater than the fear, and I was 100% free. Now this OCD has no power over me. I am happily married, have a good job, have a son, every thing is going well, and I run a few online facebook church ministries.

Hang onto the hope that God gives you at all costs, never give up fighting the OCD thoughts, and you will have a good life ahead of you.

Back to that scripture, when we come to Jesus, He rewards us, with peace, and joy. If we move away from His presence we become weaker. The pressure on our lives is designed to drive us away from the presence of God, some times we have to fight hard to remain in God's hand. But he is there holding us if we fall.

Have an ODC, I say fight hard, it will be hard, pray hard, and you will eventually have peace.

As for prayer, it is hard to pray when you are experiencing and OCD, because it makes you feel unworthy. But ignore it, reach into God, and it will go away.

p.s. when I talk about the presence of God, I am not referring to an experience or feeling, but rather just spending time with God.

One question though, are you catholic?

 

[Jesusislove127]

Hi,

The bible says:

Mar 14:38 Watch ye and pray, lest ye enter into temptation. The spirit truly is ready, but the flesh is weak.

The way to be free from ODC like thoughts, in my opinion, is to set time aside to pray more. It would take me ages to write up my testimony, but I will try to get across the main points that may help you.

I had the unpardonable sin OCD. Because of it I thought I would never be married and was destined for hell. Satan constantly injected thoughts into my mind telling me to rape people, or kill myself. I nearly once committed suicide, and also nearly raped. However God began to reach out to me and tell me he had good plans for me. Around 10 people on different occassions said that they had a verse of scripture for me it was "I know the thoughts I think toward you say the LORD thoughts for good and not for evil". I began to believe this, but the OCD continued, I was under intense pressure, thoughts would bombard my mind over and over again, I would just have to pace around my room saying over and over again "God says he has good plans for me". It was really hard work. As time progressed, I slowly began to over come the thoughts, but it took me some years. I would get slowly better, but then thoughts would come back, and I had to fight again, some times I would fall in my thinking under the pressure of it all. However even when I felt like i had no hope, I would pray, hanging on to the small glimmer of hope. Eventually the hope grew greater than the fear, and I was 100% free. Now this OCD has no power over me. I am happily married, have a good job, have a son, every thing is going well, and I run a few online facebook church ministries.

Hang onto the hope that God gives you at all costs, never give up fighting the OCD thoughts, and you will have a good life ahead of you.

Back to that scripture, when we come to Jesus, He rewards us, with peace, and joy. If we move away from His presence we become weaker. The pressure on our lives is designed to drive us away from the presence of God, some times we have to fight hard to remain in God's hand. But he is there holding us if we fall.

Have an ODC, I say fight hard, it will be hard, pray hard, and you will eventually have peace.

As for prayer, it is hard to pray when you are experiencing and OCD, because it makes you feel unworthy. But ignore it, reach into God, and it will go away.

p.s. when I talk about the presence of God, I am not referring to an experience or feeling, but rather just spending time with God.

I still feel as though you didn't fully answer my questions. I'm sorry I don't mean to sound ungrateful but this fear is frightening I fear if it's true and if it is id be living in a lie and GOD won't love me and will cast me into hell because GOD knows everything.

 

[Jesusislove127]

And what if it wasn't HOCD? What if I was just in denial of being attracted? This uncertainty scares me!. And even if Ive repented of it a tell GOD to take it away it will haunt me telling I could Serve GOD because of how disgusting I was or thought I was!. I've always wanted be his servant and his daughter!! I've dreamt as a child to be a woman of GOD P.S. I've accepted CHRIST into my heart years ago and I'm not sure if it's satan bothering me or if it's just me???

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Just a quick note on this OCD stuff. You will never have to give up fighting to some degree. I have a lot of peace right now, but Satan is tricky. If he can't hassle you any more he tries subtle ways to get you to sin, again with the goal of getting you away from God. I used to have so much pressure and burden upon me it was almost impossible not to sin. Now I am out of the woods so to speak he uses subtle ways to tempt me. He knows I trust God, and know God is loving, so now he pretends to be God. Telling me it is ok to use porn (i.e. God loves you enough now so he says it is ok), or telling me, that that he wants me to end my marriage and mary the sexiest woman in the church. It will all sound a bit odd, but there will always be a fight against sin, a person may have a direct attack on them, or it may be subtle. But each attack is designed to get us to sin, so we will be driven further from God, through guilt.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

I still feel as though you didn't fully answer my questions. I'm sorry I don't mean to sound ungrateful but this fear is frightening I fear if it's true and if it is id be living in a lie and GOD won't love me and will cast me into hell because GOD knows everything.

Hmmm .... not sure how to explain it so it helps you. But the reality is that God does love you. He loves you right now, the way you are. He will help you.

 

[Jesusislove127]

Just a quick note on this OCD stuff. You will never have to give up fighting to some degree. I have a lot of peace right now, but Satan is tricky. If he can't hassle you any more he tries subtle ways to get you to sin, again with the goal of getting you away from God. I used to have so much pressure and burden upon me it was almost impossible not to sin. Now I am out of the woods so to speak he uses subtle ways to tempt me. He knows I trust God, and know God is loving, so now he pretends to be God. Telling me it is ok to use porn (i.e. God loves you enough now so he says it is ok), or telling me, that that he wants me to end my marriage and mary the sexiest woman in the church. It will all sound a bit odd, but there will always be a fight against sin, a person may have a direct attack on them, or it may be subtle. But each attack is designed to get us to sin, so we will be driven further from God, through guilt.

Actually I knew it's not okay NOT AT ALL!!!! It's an abomination unto the eyes of THE LORD! and I DONT like it!!! and are you calithoic? I just feel so disgusting!.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Actually I knew it's not okay NOT AT ALL!!!! It's an abomination unto the eyes of THE LORD! and I DONT like it!!! and are you calithoic? I just feel so disgusting!.

Yeah ... I know it is not ok ... I was suggesting that there will always be a fight .... he tries to ge me to sin using porn, or breaking up with my wife, both wrong things. THings that we should not do. For you he tempts you to sin, and makes you feel bad in a bisexual way.

We just need to recognise that it is all coming from the enemy, from satan, it is not our desire, but it is satans desire. DOn't feel bad about these desires, just fight them.

 

[Jesusislove127]

Yeah ... I know it is not ok ... I was suggesting that there will always be a fight .... he tries to ge me to sin using porn, or breaking up with my wife, both wrong things. THings that we should not do. For you he tempts you to sin, and makes you feel bad in a bisexual way.

We just need to recognise that it is all coming from the enemy, from satan, it is not our desire, but it is satans desire. DOn't feel bad about these desires, just fight them.

Are you saying that I could be bisexual please if that not the case please don't frighten me. And I'm asking the question of wether or not you're catholic because I'm an Evangelical Christian and well.. There's a big difference not to sound offensive or anything.. I just want to be 100% sure and please pray for me! I'm still unsure if the attraction I felt were false and caused by anxiety because all my life I've been attracted to guys...

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Are you saying that I could be bisexual please if that not the case please don't frighten me. And I'm asking the question of wether or not you're catholic because I'm an Evangelical Christian and well.. There's a big difference not to sound offensive or anything.. I just want to be 100% sure and please pray for me! I'm still unsure if the attraction I felt were false and caused by anxiety because all my life I've been attracted to guys...

Hi I am a Pentecostal Christian, not a catholic. I am not saying you are bisexual, I don't believe that God would make a person with a homosexual orientation. I believe that the devil puts homosexual desires in people. Not because we are sinning, but rather he is trying to get us to sin, so we feel bad about our selves and leave God. He (the devil) can give us both positive desires, and negative ones. Some times we may feel a positive attraction to the opposite sex, this desire is not from our body but rather from him. But with you I think he may be trying to get you think you are not good enough for God, making you feel like you are a dirty sinner. In reality you God's child. He does not see you as a sinner, he loves you. You may ask well why am I struggling so much, the truth is all Christians go through a struggle. Job (In the bible) the most righteous man alive, went through a terrible struggle, yet in the end he was blessed twice as much by God.

I have been through my struggle, and now am on the side of blessing. You too will come out to a place of blessing, just stick in there with GOd. Know he loves you. Struggle proves our love to God, that we "loved not our own lives". Just a clarification on that, God also is not wanting to rob our joy, and take away the good things in our lives, he wants us blessed. But there will be times of testing from Satan.