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every day.

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jcsetmefree

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since I relapsed, I've cut every day, more than once a day. I don't know why I do it. Somehow I justify it by saying this is something God will use in the future so it's okay that I'm doing it now--and I know that's wrong! I find every reason to cut myself... earlier, because I felt I hadn't studied enough for my final. I need reasons not to do this! I've figured that as long as I'm not suicidal, it's ok. Can someone please convince me otherwise? I mean, I know I shouldn't do it. I just haven't found a good enough reason to resist the urges. I can tell myself that my body is God's temple, or that I'm made in His image.. but somehow that's not enough. It should be! I don't know when/why I became this person who doesn't care!
 
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ido

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I'm sorry that you're struggling so much. Can you try replacing the cutting with doing the thing you are cutting for instead? For instance - can you convince yourself to go and study a bit more rather than cutting? Then, reward yourself with something small that you enjoy for the extra studying or getting the task done that needed to be done?

You do care, IMO, or you wouldn't be here seeking support.
 
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Criada

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I find that the only way to avoid it is to make sure that I am around other people when the urges are at their strongest.
When we are at the point of cutting, we are trying to cope with very strong emotions, and we aren't thinking clearly, so it's very hard to use rational reasoning to stop. We need to plan in advance, so we can do things automatically to distract ourselves.
There's a sticky here with a lot of ideas of things to do to de-escalate.... some of them may help.
Thinking of you, sweetie
 
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Mayflower1

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well, when I use to cut, it is as if I wanted to, but I didn't. but I didn't know why a part of me didn't want to until now... To live a life without self-injury, to me means peace. to me means joy. I'm happy now. I'm living again. I am not the most emotionally stable individual, but I handle my emotions a lot better then I use to. I don't have to wake up in the morning and wonder what long sleeved shirt do I have to wear in the morning, if anyone knows my secret, what would happen if anyone knew my secret. and my family and friends are proud of me.

and yes, God does turn things around for the good... but I was near death and in a much deeper hole in the ground, when I decided to get help. some never are able to get out of that hole. But God does give so much grace and mercy... Yes, Psalm 139:14, "You are fearfully and wonderfully made." Never forget that.

bless you. I am praying for you. Shara
 
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