Ever Wonder if...

ido · Mar 17, 2008

Believe it or not, I experience something similar frequently. I call it the "single mom treatment". It happened at the church Easter Egg hunt on Saturday . A couple walked up to me, my sister and BIL. My sister and I had met the wife earlier that morning. When she walked up with her husband, she introduced him to my sister and BIL, but not me. In fact, neither one of them even made eye contact with me and I was standing right next to my BIL with my boys.

ShainaBrina · Mar 17, 2008

OUCH

That was not nice ((((((((((((((((((u))))))))))))))))))))

HopeFaithLove4u · Mar 17, 2008

flnativegrl said:
Believe it or not, I experience something similar frequently. I call it the "single mom treatment". It happened at the church Easter Egg hunt on Saturday . A couple walked up to me, my sister and BIL. My sister and I had met the wife earlier that morning. When she walked up with her husband, she introduced him to my sister and BIL, but not me. In fact, neither one of them even made eye contact with me and I was standing right next to my BIL with my boys.

That's weird?! Those people are strange....I have, yet, to have that happen to me. Are we like a disease or something?

I remember when I was 1st going thru my separation, all the gals that I lived around and we were doing the 'wife/mom' thing together.......they avoided me, like I had the plague, like my separation was going to rub off on them somehow?! That was ALOT of fun!

ShainaBrina · Mar 17, 2008

Oh, oh... my favorite is the social pariah phase... you know when all your "couple friends" have decided they can no longer trust you around their husbands... because you know all divorced women are after their precious mate.

eatenbylocusts · Mar 18, 2008

I guess I'm really not the only one who felt like a outcast after the divorce. My son's youth group is the only thing holding me to my church of membership.

My bf got the same treatment after his divorce. The men stopped calling him, so no more men's breakfasts on Saturdays.

JohnDB · Mar 18, 2008

It does seem to be a fact that many churchs don't do much for singles or have much of a single's ministry.

They do seem to do marginally better for the single moms than they do for single dads.

Single or divorced guys practically have nothing at church. Never mind the fact that often we see married couples at church and admire thier marriages. We wouldn't want to do anything to destroy their marriage.

Some have tried to do something by starting small group bible studies out of their Divorce Care classes. But there is little effort on most of their parts.

ShainaBrina · Mar 18, 2008

Hey at least you guys have Divorce Care classes. There are a total of 0 classes in the entire area (I checked). I even decided to try and run one myself... but was told that it wasn't the direction the church was going right now. *shrug* I don't understand

justanobserver · Mar 18, 2008

JohnDB said:
It does seem to be a fact that many churchs don't do much for singles or have much of a single's ministry.

They do seem to do marginally better for the single moms than they do for single dads.

Single or divorced guys practically have nothing at church. Never mind the fact that often we see married couples at church and admire thier marriages. We wouldn't want to do anything to destroy their marriage.

Some have tried to do something by starting small group bible studies out of their Divorce Care classes. But there is little effort on most of their parts.

this post is so right on.

To add to this, if you think being divorced once attaches a stigma on you, try more than once. There are several single ladies within 10 yrs of my age here at my church. One apparently asked another a month or so ago about me and when the word got out that I been married 3 times before (yep...), well, now the way some act you think I had a social disease!

I been divorced twice and widowed once and all back when I was not a christian.

Hence why I asked in the OP if maybe our past is such that we may not be desirable or "wantable" for a relationship or maybe even are permanently damaged goods.

Bridgit · Mar 18, 2008

ShainaBrina said:
Hey at least you guys have Divorce Care classes. There are a total of 0 classes in the entire area (I checked). I even decided to try and run one myself... but was told that it wasn't the direction the church was going right now. *shrug* I don't understand

They probably think of it as being similar to a "dating" club which many in the church would consider "inappropriate or ungodly". Go figure.

ShainaBrina · Mar 18, 2008

Bridgit said:
They probably think of it as being similar to a "dating" club which many in the church would consider "inappropriate or ungodly". Go figure.

No actually, the Pastor understood that it was meant for healing. We have a number of women who have gone through divorce recently so it would have been a good thing for them as well as me. Pastor even understood it would make a good outreach.

Still, it's not the direction the church is going.

FlatpickingJD · Mar 18, 2008

JohnDB said:
It does seem to be a fact that many churchs don't do much for singles or have much of a single's ministry. . . .

What gets me is that church I've gone to the last couple weeks has a singles ministry, and several programs. That's great. It has a single's mother group. That's great. But who runs the ministry and the small groups? A married man. It's kind of hard for me to see how someone who is married and has been for many years can help me, as a single man, work through whatever issues I may have as a single.

It makes me more than a little frustrated.

country woman · Mar 18, 2008

There is no singles group at my church most people are married

Bridgit · Mar 19, 2008

My church is too small to have a singles ministry.

eatenbylocusts · Mar 20, 2008

FlatpickingJD said:
What gets me is that church I've gone to the last couple weeks has a singles ministry, and several programs. That's great. It has a single's mother group. That's great. But who runs the ministry and the small groups? A married man. It's kind of hard for me to see how someone who is married and has been for many years can help me, as a single man, work through whatever issues I may have as a single.

It makes me more than a little frustrated.

Finding a church with a single's minister is a pretty blessed event. I think the single's pastor at the 1 of 3 churches I attend has been a blessing to a lot of single's in my area. He is married and he brings that perspective. He was married before internet ever started and he thinks that all of those choices makes people less willing to work on early relationships. He may have a point, but I think the internet has been invaluable.

He does try to encourage the single's to look around at the people who attend the single's events. His teachings at the monthly coffee houses have been enlightening and some were quite timely for me. One of the good things about having a married pastor is that hopefully he'll stick around for quite a while since we don't have to worry about him running off to another state to marry someone he met on the internet (hopefully).

I think if they're motivated enough, they can at least read up on the current topics that affect singles and at least read up on new issues that they may never have had to deal with.

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