Estranged Mother

[Kerouac71]

My sons mother and I broke it off before he was born and never resumed relations. Since then she has gotten into drugs and other such things. Sunday, she attempted suicide at her sisters house by slitting her wrists. I am currently working gaining custody of my son who has been living with me and my fiance for almost a year. When he came to our home I told him that I would never lie to him or hold anything back from him because I believe whole heartedly in the truth. I am now at an impass because he is about to start school again soon and hasn't seen his mother on regular basis for at least three years. He knows she is into drugs and such but I am afraid to tell him about the attempted suicide. But if he does find out later I am sure he will resent me which would be natural. What the heck should I do. I am really praying about this but I would also like some further input from fellow christians as well.

 

[BlondieLashes]

Kerouac71,

You know my hubby and I are praying for you. I don't know if there are any easy answers here. How old is your son again? How long has he been out of contact (even by phone) with his mother? Do you know if his mom is getting professional help at this point...in other words, where is her life leading from here? More drugs and suicide attempts or is she going to try to turn it around, or do you know?

Seriously praying for you,

-BlondieLashes

 

[Princessperky]

I dunno how old he is, but you could go with minimal information. So if he notices something is up and asks tell him, but if he doesn't ask about his mother you don't have to tell him. If he is old enough you can ask him if he wants updates on her or not, then if yes tell him, if no, when he comes back mad in the furtur you can remind him he chose that. (so far as I can tell all teens are mad at their parents for something, can't get around it)

UNLESS he is in the habit of getting information from other people, in which case tell him what you need to yourself. Much better to hear it from trusted people than as Luke did when Vader tells him (K so I am a starwars fan sorry)

 

[Linnis]

My nephew is seven and my BIL is in the same boat, although she signed over rights almost 5 years ago now.

Is he old enough to understand Suicide?

Yes, he may understand his mother is taking drugs but trying to kill yourself is a totally different ball game. Maybe you could say his mum got hurt but she's okay. So he knows but doesn't know too much or maybe not tell him at all. If he rarely sees her would it be worth it for him to know about this?

My nephew sees his mother once a year about. My BIL will not force his ex wife to see her child if she doesn't want to. It hurts my nephew a lot but the alternative is being around a woman who doesn't really want to be around him, which isn't good.

If it were me in my situation I say leave it alone, if he asks about her say you heard she got hurt a while ago but she's fine now or something.

^^^ That all based on my assumtion he's under ten years old.

 

[Kerouac71]

He's eleven and sometimes I think he's going on 25 by the way he reacts to things in life. But I am under the impression that you are right just leave it be and we will go on with what we have which is a great relationship. Thanks Linnis. I really appreciate your input.

 

[Linnis]

Your welcome. It's hard to think but even if neither boy hardly gets to see their mother's they both love them a lot and this kind of information would only hurt the boy.

Good Luck.

 

[L1rider]

You know Kero I have to say your a brave man. To take on this responsibility, you know raising a son like yours. He is a strong young man and smart. Some times I'm not sure who is raising who in your house that boy is smart. To smart sometimes, he says thing that you just don't expect a young man of 11 to say. But I think Linnis is correct in the advice he has given you. It could be just to much after all he is 11, and an 11 year old heart is not something any one wants to break.

Blondie and I have you and your family in prayer as allways bro

Much love to you and yours.
See ya at work.

 

[bliz]

You could say something like: "Your Mom has been very sick. In fact, she has been so sick she wished she was dead. She is getting better now, but it is going to take her a very long time."

 

[BlondieLashes]

Hi Kero!!!

I must agree with my hubby. I think that giving your son the information that his mom tried to kill herself might be too hard for him to handle at his age. When kids are that young, they still think the world (and what goes on in theirs) is mainly about them. In other words, he may think that he has done something wrong to cause his mom to do that. I think it's too much for him to handle at this time... let him enjoy his young years and keep him from as many burdens as you can!!!

Peace,

BlondieLashes

 

[Kerouac71]

I couldn't agree more but I am still fearful of the reprecussions when and if he does find out. That is what worries me the most. Right now. However, I can only pray that he will understand as he already has with so many other things that have happened to us. Thanks again for everyones support and guidance in these trials.:o

 

[BlondieLashes]

Hi Kero! I understand your concern about your son finding out that you did not share this information with him, however, remember as a parent it is your job to be a leader and a protector first and a friend second. He may be upset initally if he does find out, but in the long run (when he gets older) he will respect you for it.

Usually you can tell if you are choosing the right path if you choose the path that is the most difficult.

We love you in Christ,

-BlondieLashes

 

[dews]

I don't think it is a good idea to tell him. Don't burden your child with such information. He may think it is his fault. Although I believe in always telling people the truth and not holding things back from them, he is a child and this is "grown-up" information. Answer this question only if asked directly. Maybe you need to clarify what kind of stuff you would tell him. It's ok to keep this sort of information a secret. His mother may not want her son to know this information about her anyways. Respect her privacy as well.