Engagement ring questions

[Banana Phone]

I'm not planning on getting engaged soon due to college, money, etc, but it's most likely down the road in perhaps a year or so. I'm just bored at work and I think I've seen the whole internet...so...

I don't like the idea of buying it on the internet without really seeing it first. Also, we've talked about rings a bit in the past out of curiousity, and she likes princess cut diamonds with silver.

My questions are:

How much does it usually cost? I've heard of the two months' salary tradition. It wouldn't work for me because right now that would be $3000, during school it's $450...I'm not all that traditional anyways, you get my drift.

How do you know a junk diamond from a good one?

How do you negotiate a price and make sure you're not being cheated?

Any other advice on the ring? (Not the movie, though it's good too. )

 

[bliz]

Well, if you're not traditional... we used the money that could have been spent on an engagement right on a downpayment on a house. We have nice wedding bands. Besides, it would be much more meaningful to me if my husband bought me a ring now, after almost 30 years of marriage. Maybe we'll have the money after the kids are out of college...

 

[Banana Phone]

That's a pretty good idea about the downpayment, bliz. I don't really know how into that she'd be, though. She doesn't particularly like jewelry all that much; she breaks or loses things all the time, but I think she'd treat this well. We are going to be in graduate school, probably myself for at least 5 years, so we won't be able to buy a house then and we'll most likely want more flexibility.

Hopefully you'll be able to buy a the ring you've always wanted, I'd see how meaningful it would be after lifting all of your current financial responsibilities.

 

[IslandBreeze]

Don't give diamond cartels and murderers anymore money! Buy a Cubic Zirconia, or manmade diamond. Do some research--you can get them in the same setting as a diamond--platinum, gold, white gold, etc. But don't give money to people who murder women and children for the almighty dollar. Besides, CZs are cheap. If she gets bored with one style, she can get a new one.

 

[Banana Phone]

Don't give diamond cartels and murderers anymore money! Buy a Cubic Zirconia, or manmade diamond. Do some research--you can get them in the same setting as a diamond--platinum, gold, white gold, etc. But don't give money to people who murder women and children for the almighty dollar. Besides, CZs are cheap. If she gets bored with one style, she can get a new one.

I've heard something about "safe" diamonds. Anyone know anything about that?

 

[Banana Phone]

They're called non-conflict diamonds or something like that.

 

[LiberatedChick]

Doesn't even have to be a diamond or resemble one. I've seen someone with a sapphire engagment ring. My engagment ring is a gold band with a white gold section at the top which has five small diamonds in it. Not you're typical solitare ring. My husband certaintly didn't spend twice his monthly salary on it...£2000 on a ring! That's half the cost of our entire wedding (minus the honeymoon). I wouldn't want to even touch it for fear of loosing it or breaking it if it cost that much lol. I think he spent around £200 on mine.

 

[bkg]

Bliz has a good idea, but I'd change it a bit. Don't spend $20K in a wedding, put that into a house. But do spend some $$ on a ring.

Do NOT buy a ring over the internet. Find a reputable jeweler who will take the time to explain every aspect of the ring and the diamond to you. Diamonds can be an investment, or they can be an expense - all depends on the quality.

I had odd requirements when I bought the ring for my ex-wife: i wanted a nice, and nice sized diamond, but I also wanted her to be able to get gloves on and off easily. hey - I live in MN, and it gets cold her. So her ring was very "non-traditional", I guess you could say. Still beautiful, still reflected her personality, my personality and our relationship.

 

[Pope Gonzo]

I got Steph a solitaire white gold ring with a diamond (let's not get into the discussion on the morals of buying diamonds, please). Since you know the cut she wants, find out how big she wants it (if it's "as big as possible," then save up ). Steph doesn't have large fingers, so a half a carat is perfect for her. Just look around, you can research all you need to research online. Once you're in a place to buy, check out a bunch of stores. I got a real good deal on my ring. *shrug*

 

[Busybee]

We couldn't afford an engagement ring and wedding band. So my husband got me a wedding band with 5 diamonds in it (one of those XOXO rings). I got an engagement ring 2 years after we got married just because I wanted a pair and wanted everyone who looked to know for sure I was married. My husband got a cute little ring with a small diamond for under $100 at Wal-Mart and surprised me with it on Christmas and it looks like it belongs with my band .

 

[Cordy]

I am with Islandbreeze on the diamond bit. It is not just sweat shops or something. The blood diamond trade kills and maims children so we can get pretty shiny things on our fingers. Buying a diamond supports a murderous industry. It is pretty disturbing that we can allow our materialism to infest our lives to the degree that we let other pay for it with their lives. It is not fun to think of it, but it is reality. We can’t just shut our eyes and pretend that it isn’t there when we are actively supporting it.

Are there safe diamonds? Yes, but it is difficult to get one. The reason is because the blood diamonds are often mixed with the other diamonds so that we can’t tell if our diamond actually killed someone or not, and we will therefore ease our conscience as still buy. You can do what my husband did, and actually go yourself (or get a trusted friend) to a diamond mind in North America (mine is a polar bear diamond from the Yukon) to get one. That way you know you are supporting a clean (as in no killing) work environment.

There are also other beautiful options, as others mentioned, you can get another stone. What is her favourite colour? Or you can get a cubic zirconium. You can find some that look better than some real diamonds, and for the fraction of the cost.

 

[Leanna]

Well sorry guys, I got a diamond and yes its pretty and no I don't know where it came from. Realistically, look at her friends. If they all have diamonds and she always looks at the ring when they get engaged then chances are she wants a diamond (or at least a pretty sapphire or something, those are nice too). Whatever you do, don't ASSUME she would be okay with a band just in case she is sad about it. You only have an excuse to buy an expensive piece of jewelry once so you may as well use it. So, ask her and keep your eyes peeled.

 

[bliz]

That's a pretty good idea about the downpayment, bliz. I don't really know how into that she'd be, though. She doesn't particularly like jewelry all that much; she breaks or loses things all the time, but I think she'd treat this well. We are going to be in graduate school, probably myself for at least 5 years, so we won't be able to buy a house then and we'll most likely want more flexibility.

That's me! Not real fond on jewlery to begin with, tend to break and lose things - I smash watch faces like crazy... I was also worried about having an expensive piece of jewlery. So, you could put the money for an engagement ring in a special savings account. Save it up for something in the future that would say the same kind of thing an engagement ring would say.

But you really have to check with her! Some women are really into the ring!

 

[Banana Phone]

I think she wants a diamond, so I wouldn't buy her anything else without talking to her about it first of course. We don't have any friends who are engaged or married, so I don't really have anything to go on. I think it would be kind of interesting to find some kind of antique, though I don't know how much something like that would be. I'm glad I have quite a bit of time to think about all this stuff!

 

[Tumburu]

I got my fiancée a conflict-free diamond from Canada. Check out Polar Bear diamonds. Each diamond is mined and polished within the Canadian border; it's not shipped off to Asia to be polished by little kids and returned to Canada for selling. That two month bit on the cost of the ring is ridiculous. You should spend what you can afford and make it as unique as possible. My fiancée and I are born on the same day, so we have the same birthstone. I got her a 3 stone setting, with the diamond in the middle and our birthstone on each side, the birthstone representing us and the diamond God. Something that you put time into and personalize is so much more important then the amount of money you shelled out for it. As to the quality of diamonds, you can find tons of stuff on the internet with very little research. You'll learn all about the 4 c's of diamonds and pricing. Good luck and it's all worth it...

 

[Pope Gonzo]

Not buying diamonds will hurt DeBeers just about as much as not buying gas will hurt OPEC. If we're going to stop the wrongdoing, focus on those doing wrong, not what they're selling. That's all I'm gonna say on the issue.

One thing I forgot to say earlier is just don't worry about it It's easy to stress yourself out over whether the ring is perfect or not. Unless there's something seriously wrong with the relationship, when you get on your knee and propose, she's not going to say, "Wow... that's a small diamond. I guess I'll marry you."

 

[Mayzoo]

I didn't want an engagement ring. We had nice matching bands. We spent a whopping $550.00 (yes dress included) on the wedding. We both wanted small, just immediate family, and we had the wedding at my in-laws house. I am not an extravagant person, and I loved the wedding we had. It had all the people, emotions, and memories I would have wanted. If I could do it over, it I would do it the same.