Engagement process

You approach usually however you want or with the traditions you were raised with. The first time I engaged to someone she was over and we were sitting next to each other watching tv. I showed her a ring that was my grandmothers. SHe was like "Aww, that's so beautiful!", so I said "You like it? Its yours then! Will you marry me?". ^.^ Of course we never got married but thats another story.

With my current fiance now since we live on the other side of the planet I gave her a mushy romantic speech while we were talking online then asked her to marry me. Only problem was I had made a video showing her family my house. At the end of it I asked her mother (dads out of picture) from her blessings to marry my fiance. But turns out their connection was slow so they didn't get to watch the video before hand. Still I followed up by talking to like 14 of her family members online to show them my intentions were serious.I always try to ask the family first or talk to them so they can ask me things and know I am serious.

As for the ring. Sometimes the man buys them, other times its the woman. It could even be the family. Some people propose then go buy rings so the woman can have a say in it. Price wise its up to you again. Some spends 5 digit figures. Some spend not much at all. You could just by some simple silver basic rings for like $40.

When it comes to the wedding rings... you may want to have her for sure look at it if you think thats how she might be. With my fiance shes leaving the wedding ring things on my hands to buy. Shes a simple woman and doesn't want diamonds or anything fancy.

So in the end its up to you really. I see alot of knee proposals still. But I think its always fun to do something thats not the normal. Like my original idea was when my fiance came here to America, we would go for chinese food. And at the end the waitress would bring a custom made fortune cookie that had the ring in it or perhaps a fortune saying "<insert name> will you marry me?". Its the unexpected proposals that are the best.

Oh and bring lots of kleenex.

We did discuss engagement while we were dating so I suspected that my husband would propose to me at some point. I believe he had asked me about my preference on things like asking my Dad and rings, etc. He may have even asked my ring size, lol. He did manage to really surprise me, though, because I suspected he would wait longer to propose and probably do it when our families met each other. Instead, he did it after picking me up at the airport on one of my trips to see him. He got down on one knee to propose at a nice restaurant we stopped at while going back to his parent's house from the airport. He wanted to ask my father, but we lived over 1,000 miles apart and he did not want to ask over the phone. That was OK because my Dad never asked his FIL and Dad married Mom when she was 17, so he couldn't complain How much you spend depends on you. Some people say to spend 3 month's salary, but IMO that is ridiculous.

Johnab12 said:

Just a few questions about engagement. There seems to be plenty of articles about dating, engagement and courting but not about the actual process.

I know that some people can have a discussion about getting engaged rather than the man getting on one knee. I assume the man would still buy a ring after. How much do you spend on it?

Then what happens? Do you normally ask the bride's father? I'm not sure how to approach this.

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It's kinda up to you. There is no rule sheet that you MUST follow. It's probably a good idea to not get engaged unless you have discussed marriage first in some capacity and see that both partners are on the same page. My husband and I had discussed marriage early on in the relationship, b/c we both felt we were right for one another and it seemed like God was confirming a lot of things in both our lives. So, I knew that he was probably going to propose - just not when. I was working a contracted job so we both knew that it would have been impossible for me or him to marry and move (we were long distance) until my contract for the job was over. Anyways, he totally surprised me with a ring on New Year's day ( a year after dating- I was thinking Valentines is when he would do it). He had called my parents and asked both of them if they agreed and had their blessing- both of my parents really appreciated that and my mother really liked my husband before but I think that moment was when he became "family" . He had carried the ring around for a while trying to find the perfect most romantic time. It was perfect and worked for us. How you do it is dependent on a lot of personal factors; including what the woman's relationship is with her father. But, like I said before, there are no hardpressed rules you HAVE to follow.

As for how much to spend; it's really up to you and what you can afford . I think there is some "rule" about it, but you don't really have to follow it. No one is going to check up on you and be like "you can't propose b/c you didn't follow the spending rule about the ring". I still don't know how much my engagement ring costs; I've never asked- it was a gift and I love it.

Johnab12 said:

Just a few questions about engagement. There seems to be plenty of articles about dating, engagement and courting but not about the actual process.

I know that some people can have a discussion about getting engaged rather than the man getting on one knee. I assume the man would still buy a ring after. How much do you spend on it?

Then what happens? Do you normally ask the bride's father? I'm not sure how to approach this.

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Ok first of all asking the brides father is probably a good thing to find out what the bride and her dad would prefer. If they don't care it's not necessary but if they want that, then do it.

Don't forget the KISS principal. . . KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID.

Find a nice place, a resteruant, a place you both like, something like that and get down on one knee and ask her. Don't plan some sort of big plan, because the more variables your plan has in it, the more likely something will go wrong. And I've never heard of a complex plan that didn't have something go wrong.

Spending on the ring: I think you have to determine this based on your own income and spending habits.

If you are a frugal person and she knows this, then you can probably take it easy on the cost of the ring. On the other hand if you just spent $5,000 to trick out your $40,000 car. . . then you might want to spend a more.

Do not ask the Jewelry people or mention it to them. They will tell you to spend 3 months salary which is complete insanity. That money is much better spent on the honeymoon or just being married.

Using the web will help you estimate what you can get for what amount of money. Just go to different jewelry store websites.

Avoid the trap of getting something too big. You love her a lot and you might naturally want to get something a little excessive. Try to avoid that. You arn't proving your love by the cost of the ring. And overspending on the ring means less money for later when you are married.