Hello fellow CF Adventists.
I basically just need a safe place to vent, so please don't try to argue with me or patronize me. If you wish to comment, a prayer and some nice words or Bible verses would be appreciated. But if you don't have something nice to say than don't say anything at all. Thank you.
I could really use some prayers and encouragement. I'm not in any danger and reasonably speaking everything in my life is going relatively well. However, it often doesn't feel well. I feel like my whole life has been put on hold and there's no definitive timeframe before it starts moving again. I feel like I'm stuck in a broken elevator. I tend to be a take charge type of person, and I rarely live without a plan in mind. In the past I've always known what I wanted and how to get it, and I've done what I needed to in order to get it (within reasonable limits of morality. I won't cheat my way, but I'll work very hard to do what's right).
But now I'm out of college and living far away from all my past family and friends. I have my bf close by, and I'm making new friends, but making intimate friends takes time and in the meantime I feel lonely. We also don't have a local church to be a part of, and for me that makes existing even lonelier. I've always gone to church every week all my life. My church has become an extention of my family and now I'm very far away from the church family I grew up with and don't know how to create that for myself as an adult. The local churches are hostile toward modern/progressive ideas. Whenever I've been there I feel like I can't be myself or let anyone know what I truly think.
I have hopes, dreams, goals, plans, but I'm no longer as clear on how to reach them and make them reality. It's especially so, because they're more dependant on the choices of others than ever before. I'm glad for that and terrified of that at the same time.
My faith is really being put to the test in a lot of ways at once and I feel like I'm drowning and starving at the same time, spiritually. I moved to my current location with the express desire to move forward with my romantic relationship, and we've made a lot of progress, but sometimes I wonder if it's really going anywhere. Or do I even want it to go anywhere anymore? Idk sometimes. Other times I'm so in love with my bf that I feel like I can't wait to be his wife. I know I've risked a lot by moving but I felt at the time that God was leading me to do so. Our entire relationship I've prayed for and about my bf and God's answers have always been in the affirmative. He reminds me of David - called a man after God's own heart - and even today I felt God's whisper on my conscience saying that my bf is the man He lead me to. He's a diamond in the rough - like Aladdin (the Disney movie us 90's kids are so fond of). My faith is also being tested in terms of career choices. My entire life I've been actively involved in various ministries, and I've been a leader in Pathfinder ministries since I was a child. So when God called me to be a pastor, I did the training to do so. I have a pastoral ministry degree and feel called to be a pastor in the SDA church - most especially for youth and family ministries. God provided wonderfully for me right out of college, but that position didn't last and now I feel stranded without a clear direction or purpose. I've also felt a little bit like the devil keeps rubbing it in my face too, because since I've graduated from college two of my former classmates have been hired into a conference that told me they didn't have money to hire new pastors. Both people are well qualified and I am happy for them as my friends, but I do feel a little bit short changed in the process.
My parents say that God has extra special plans for me - full of great things beyond what I can see or imagine right now - and that the extra pressure is just the forces of evil trying to destroy what God is doing in me. That may be true, but sometimes it doesn't really help emotionally. Sometimes I feel like I don't have a clue what the hell I am doing and that feeling scares me. Waiting scares me too, because I feel like I'm missing out in the meantime. I'm tired. I don't ever want to give up, but I'm just tired of feeling stuck.
Thank you for tolerating my rantings. Thank you for your prayers.
I basically just need a safe place to vent, so please don't try to argue with me or patronize me. If you wish to comment, a prayer and some nice words or Bible verses would be appreciated. But if you don't have something nice to say than don't say anything at all. Thank you.
I could really use some prayers and encouragement. I'm not in any danger and reasonably speaking everything in my life is going relatively well. However, it often doesn't feel well. I feel like my whole life has been put on hold and there's no definitive timeframe before it starts moving again. I feel like I'm stuck in a broken elevator. I tend to be a take charge type of person, and I rarely live without a plan in mind. In the past I've always known what I wanted and how to get it, and I've done what I needed to in order to get it (within reasonable limits of morality. I won't cheat my way, but I'll work very hard to do what's right).
But now I'm out of college and living far away from all my past family and friends. I have my bf close by, and I'm making new friends, but making intimate friends takes time and in the meantime I feel lonely. We also don't have a local church to be a part of, and for me that makes existing even lonelier. I've always gone to church every week all my life. My church has become an extention of my family and now I'm very far away from the church family I grew up with and don't know how to create that for myself as an adult. The local churches are hostile toward modern/progressive ideas. Whenever I've been there I feel like I can't be myself or let anyone know what I truly think.
I have hopes, dreams, goals, plans, but I'm no longer as clear on how to reach them and make them reality. It's especially so, because they're more dependant on the choices of others than ever before. I'm glad for that and terrified of that at the same time.
My faith is really being put to the test in a lot of ways at once and I feel like I'm drowning and starving at the same time, spiritually. I moved to my current location with the express desire to move forward with my romantic relationship, and we've made a lot of progress, but sometimes I wonder if it's really going anywhere. Or do I even want it to go anywhere anymore? Idk sometimes. Other times I'm so in love with my bf that I feel like I can't wait to be his wife. I know I've risked a lot by moving but I felt at the time that God was leading me to do so. Our entire relationship I've prayed for and about my bf and God's answers have always been in the affirmative. He reminds me of David - called a man after God's own heart - and even today I felt God's whisper on my conscience saying that my bf is the man He lead me to. He's a diamond in the rough - like Aladdin (the Disney movie us 90's kids are so fond of). My faith is also being tested in terms of career choices. My entire life I've been actively involved in various ministries, and I've been a leader in Pathfinder ministries since I was a child. So when God called me to be a pastor, I did the training to do so. I have a pastoral ministry degree and feel called to be a pastor in the SDA church - most especially for youth and family ministries. God provided wonderfully for me right out of college, but that position didn't last and now I feel stranded without a clear direction or purpose. I've also felt a little bit like the devil keeps rubbing it in my face too, because since I've graduated from college two of my former classmates have been hired into a conference that told me they didn't have money to hire new pastors. Both people are well qualified and I am happy for them as my friends, but I do feel a little bit short changed in the process.
My parents say that God has extra special plans for me - full of great things beyond what I can see or imagine right now - and that the extra pressure is just the forces of evil trying to destroy what God is doing in me. That may be true, but sometimes it doesn't really help emotionally. Sometimes I feel like I don't have a clue what the hell I am doing and that feeling scares me. Waiting scares me too, because I feel like I'm missing out in the meantime. I'm tired. I don't ever want to give up, but I'm just tired of feeling stuck.
Thank you for tolerating my rantings. Thank you for your prayers.
