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beckybooiloveu

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im feeling so empty a the moment... i feel like i have no purpose to my life... like i am going no where... like i am worth nothing and... i feel like everyone who knows me a would be better off without me... im scared of these feelings ... and hate feeling suicidal... i want the feelings to go away... to stop... but they wont leave me alone...
im not getting an sleep because i am having all these dreams about committing suicide... or about telling someone about my feelings and getting admitted ...
i just... i dunno... am really not feeling good...
i just... i dont know... cant do this...
sorry...
 
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akaMorninglife

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when I read this my heart just broke for you. I obviously know how that feels, and I'm having problems dealing with it too. I'm about to go to sleep but before I do I will pray for you okay? I promise *hugs*

Lord please give becky a big warm hug and chase these feelings away from her.

I'm going to pray for you okay? Please don't be afraid to PM me if you need to talk, and I really mean that.

I'm sorry, I know I'm not a very good encourager but I'm trying. *big huge hug*
 
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Bamboo_Chicken

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My beautiful Bec,
You know what I’m going to say sis. You need to tell someone how you’re feeling. Your life is worth so much more than what you’re basing this decision on and I want to tell you right now that I know you and I know that in all honesty I wouldn’t be better off without you. Sis, you’ve been such a blessing in my life and I wouldn’t trade meeting you for the world. This is why I’m asking you to make that appointment with your psych as soon as you can (ie. this week). I have total faith in you in this – I know you can do it and I know you’ve got the courage to make the decisions that will help you, even if they’re terrifying. You really do need to tell your psych (and your parents). You can do it Bec.
 
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oat02351

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You really should tell someone you trust! You might have to have medication. That is your depression talking trust me Everyone Has a Purpose in life. I was so depressed and feeling kinda' the same way so I told my doctor and she prescribed me medication and I am doing much better now. You could also be under a great deal of stress, that Does make depression worse. No matter what don't give up... Fight! Everyone deserves to feel better. Please Do tell someone and plase pm me any time if you need to chat...
Nikki
 
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Soulwings

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Bec, my gorgeous, beautiful sis. You deserve so much more than what you're going through right now. You deserve life, not death ... and Steffi is right, you need to tell someone. Please. Suicide isn't something to play around with, even just thinking about it - thoughts that you can't control are scary and you shouldn't deal with them on your own. Make the appointment with your psych asap, and be honest with her about how you're feeling. That's the way you can be the strongest. It may be hard - try writing her a letter instead of having to tell it to her face to face - but it will certainly be worth it. Let your mum and dad know too, so they can help you the best that they can.

You are worth so much. To Steffi, to me, to Squiggle - to everyone else on here - not to mention the people in your own life, and God too. We all love you so much. And hate seeing you in pain, whether it be physical or emotional. You deserve better, and to get better, you've got to be completely honest and get help.

What you say reminds me so much of me a few months ago. I'm not sure if you remember but I've been where you're at numerous times. So I totally understand and am here for you whenever you need me. Feel free to get in contact with me however you wish - if I'm not on MSN, email me or PM me and I'll get back to you asap. Praying for you, gorgeous, that God guide your decisions, and give you peace, comfort, and healing. I love you sis. Please take care of yourself and do what you know to be right.
 
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squigglemonster

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Bec when are your exams? (You can PM me)
We need to get together. It will give us both something to look forward to. We can have the day together, or you can stay at my place, and we can watch girly movies and just talk and laugh.
I'd really like that.

So PM me when your last exams are, or when you are available and I'll see if I can get together with you at some point. Being at school is hard, especially when it seems like you're away from family and stress can make you upset. I'm here for you Bec, you are like my little sister, okay? I care about you, I promise you that.
 
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everlast

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Hi beckybooiloveu, try not to lose hope, if you feel sad its ok but what ever you do dont give in to the depressions dark side, stay strong, you still have alot of life ahead of you and right now its just a bump in the road, I get them every now and then but I manage to pull thru, just stay focused, everyone has a purpose in life no matter what appears b4 them, try writing or talking to someone to counterattack the depression, dont be afraid of what people say, your not alone..God and we here at cf are by ur side, if you need someone to talk to, to keep urself occupied let me know, and plz let us know how you are doing. God Bless and Ill pray for you.
 
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beckybooiloveu

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This is why I’m asking you to make that appointment with your psych as soon as you can (ie. this week). You really do need to tell your psych (and your parents). You can do it Bec.
I dont know if i can do it... not yet... im not strong enough... im such a failure ans weakling... i asked my mum to make an appt with my psych for me... (as you already know) but she hasnt yet... and im not sure if she is going to... i cant tell my parents... i really cant... i dont know how to explain my reasoning... but i ... i jsut cant...

Thanks, for your support... you are a great encourager! no need to worry! lol

Thankyou, ummm... im already on medication. I have been on the one i am currently on for about 4 months and before that i was on a different one... it helps with my anxiety... but im not sure if it really helps with how i feel... i dont know... maybe it does... but i notice... I am under alot of stress being my last year of school and everything... also uni applications and college applications are also stressing me out... i really want to go to uni next yr... i couldnt stand having to stay at home... thanks again! take care

As i said in reply to steffi... i have tried to get an appointment with my psych... but mum wont make it... but even i did get an appointment... i dont think i am strong enough to tell her wat is really going on... i dont want to ruin my chances of finishing school... im... just not strong enough... and yes the feelings are scary... but not finishing school this yrs scares me also... i cant tell my parents either... i ahve written letters to my psych before... it was ok... but atm... i dont think i could give it to her... i really dont know if i do deserve better... maybe i do deserve this... i dont know...

ummm... my exams finish around the 10th i think... i agree... we do need to get together... i miss u sooo much... ummm... im sure if u already know or not... but im not boarding anymore... i am living with emma wilson and her fam...
Love you...
im trying soo hard to keep fighting but it is just wearing me out sooo much... the road just seems really bumpy at the moment and i cant see where it is going to smooth out... thankyou for you support!


thankyou sooo much everyone for your responses... i love you all and am very grateful for your support no matter what happens... just... know that
Love BEc
 
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Dworkin

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Bec,
If you told your psych the truth he will get you on better medication. Not every medication will work, and sometimes you have to try another. When it does work, you will be 100% better. And your schooling gets easier. This is the best option, since getting better is healthier for you and it allows you to lead a normal life, both socially and academically. Find the courage, please, and make that appointment, tell the doctor the truth.
 
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beckybooiloveu

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Yeh i guess thats true about needing another medication... i just feel like i should wait until i have finished school... i just dont want to stuff things up... im just... i dunno... scared... scared of what will happen if i tell the truth...
thanks for yoiur advice... i appreciate it
 
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angelluv

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As scary as the truth is sometimes. If you tell someone how you feel they can do something to make it better. I know what it's like being in a hospital, it's no fun, but sometimes thats what we need. But I definitely suggest you talk to your psychiatrist first. I'm praying for you, and I hope you make the right decision!
 
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Soulwings

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The real question, Bec, is will you be safe til school is out? Can you manage five weeks without doing anything?



And another thing ... school isn't half as important as your health, sweetie.
Take it from me. I've mucked up two different semesters by being suicidal and ending up in the psych ward. Last semester I got a medical withdrawal from all my classes because even contemplating finishing them was enough to send me into the psych ward a third time.
And yet getting help was still worth mucking it up.

Even if you stuff it up by getting the help that you NEED ... you are still alive. And that's the most important thing.
 
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beckybooiloveu

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But... (i dont really want to sound ummm... selfish or anything) but... im not so sure it is the most important thing for me... ummm... i went to my psych appoinment... and couldnt tell her anything... i jsut said everything was really really good... and now she said i dont have to come back to next yr if i dont want to... *sigh* i know that was stupid of me... but i couldnt get myself to tell her...
 
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Bamboo_Chicken

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Sis, I think you are ready . You've been so brave through all of this, but it's never going to be 'the right time'. There's always going to be school or work or uni or something else that 'has' to be done. But when it comes down to it, you are so much more important than any of that and your wellbeing needs to be a priority Bec . You matter so much sis.
 
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Soulwings

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I agree with Steffi, Bec. If now isn't the right time, when? When? Is it going to be when you're worse off than you are now? There's always going to be stuff that gets in the way if you let it. The thing is, you can't let it. Help is help (oh wise words, right? haha), and please don't delay in getting it. I don't want to see things crash next year. I don't want that to happen to you like it did to me. Please sis. Try and write her a note.

Love you girl.
 
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Soulwings

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Try not to put it off any longer than you need to.
And it doesn't need to be put off for forever, either.

Love you too, Bec. Things will get better. I promise. As it is ... enjoy being so busy! And finishing up school and all that ... try not to get too stressed out.
 
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