emotional walls

[Rutva]

An inquiry from a friend: "Having been abused as a child, I have built up many emotional walls to the point where I do not let men in emotionally. Any suggestions on how to get those walls to begin to crumble? I harbor no unforgiveness but feel stuck." Thank you for any input you can offer.

 

[Colleen1]

An inquiry from a friend: "Having been abused as a child, I have built up many emotional walls to the point where I do not let men in emotionally. Any suggestions on how to get those walls to begin to crumble? I harbor no unforgiveness but feel stuck." Thank you for any input you can offer.

Not an easy situation. I still struggle with this. Something someone once said to me is that we shouldn't trust people who are untrustworthy. For myself this gave me a place to start. Then the issue for me was to learn what trustworthy people are. There's a book called "Safe People" by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend and another book that really helped me was "Deceived By Shame Desired By God" by Cynthia Spell Humbert. Both books are christian. One is a tad bit dry but has some great info. and a practical approach and the fellows are great to listen to if they discuss things on radio, etc. Midday Connection on Moody radio has had some interviews with them on topics and other shows pertaining to trust and healing as well. You can find archive radio shows on the Moody broadcasting web site. Of course the Bible has some great stuff to say concerning untrustworthy people. I find they are good resources. When I have resources like this in place I find they are like good friends I can carry around in my pockets.

 

[kittycat7]

I have this problem too. I also have trouble asking people for things (be they permission, advice, favors, whatever). One time my boss forgot to pay me and I seriously considered letting it go. (I decided to when I told myself that being fired would be no worse than working for free.) She was really nice when I finally got the nerve up to talk to her about it though.

 

[Colleen1]

I have this problem too. I also have trouble asking people for things (be they permission, advice, favors, whatever). One time my boss forgot to pay me and I seriously considered letting it go. (I decided to when I told myself that being fired would be no worse than working for free.) She was really nice when I finally got the nerve up to talk to her about it though.

I've found myself in positions like this before. What usually got me past it was thinking about what I would think if another person came to me with the same problem. I wouldn't tell them to forget about it. But I never grew up being taught how to be assertive or that I should really value myself.

 

[GabrielMyAngel]

We all have those walls, and as society get's worse, they are constructed in a more solid manner. We used to walk between cities, greeting each other along the way, to and fro, we used to settle in areas where you got to know the people around you. We don't have that anymore, you cannot see, much less greet anybody, when in your car, even if they are walking. You don't need to even know the first name of your neighbor, because you really don't have anything to do with them.

We have became a society that is totally detached from itself. With all of the means to communicate, communication is still the biggest challenge we face. Technology didn't make it better, it made it worse. So, what happens, you detach yourself from any emotional bond to anybody, because they are going to go poof after they get in their car. You don't bump into the same people every day, so a second chance to communicate is rare.

The whole freeway mentality is transferred over to when we do gather, be it in church, or any public area. Then personally, with the number of contacts you make via. the web, the novelty of meeting someone new completely wears off, the person is turned into a statistic, not a human being. The means changed, but the person behind them remains the same, and people forget that.

I've had a tremendous amount of people close to me, tear me apart, physically and emotionally, yet my life that resides in me, is not my own, but Christs. This is what makes us as believers different. We have that well of living water to draw upon, and it allows us to move forward, forgive and ultimately, forget, at least to the point, you only remember it from an outside perspective. Still, I hold reservation and prudence with whom I will trust, I can only expect so much from people of the world, or my brothers in Christ for that matter.

 

[PeaceRose]

Oh help! What hope is there for us all then?

 

[Colleen1]

Oh help! What hope is there for us all then?

That's a good question / point.

 

[Colleen1]

Believe me I've had and still have my share of trust issues and with very good reason. Betrayal isn't easy to experience but we're social beings. Learning about God's true character and looking to Him has helped me incredibly. It's unfortunate that God's character has been painted with the wrong brush and misrepresented at times by us as christians. Passages such as I Kings 19:11-12 exemplify aspects of God that seem to be excluded at times even though they are a big part of what makes Him great and holy.
11 The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake.
12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.

There seems to be a gentleness missing. I'm happy to say this world is not the end. I think discussing issues such as this is a good place to start and as arduous as it seems, I think it's still important to strive to ensure this is a part of the environment we're in.

 

[PeaceRose]

Today is a very bad day for me. That was why I posted as I did. Feeling very black and bleak and vulnerable right now and need so badly to be able to have friends and support and to be able to trust people. Feeling very alone.

Added to my problems because of past abuse, I also have a disabled husband who is in a wheelchair and he gets sick sometimes and there are times when as his Carer I really need people. Yet, who can I trust? My husband has been feeling very black today because of attacks in our area on disabled people - pushing them out of their wheelchairs and robbing them. We have had our car vandalised also and we have our suspicions as to why. All of this is too much to bear right now. This is abuse of disabled, sick and vulnerable people. How does one cope? I am at my wits end right now. Want some good news, not news about how bad people are and how society is so bad. That post really got to me. Sorry.

 

[PeaceRose]

Somebody please help me.

 

[Colleen1]

Today is a very bad day for me. That was why I posted as I did. Feeling very black and bleak and vulnerable right now and need so badly to be able to have friends and support and to be able to trust people. Feeling very alone.

Added to my problems because of past abuse, I also have a disabled husband who is in a wheelchair and he gets sick sometimes and there are times when as his Carer I really need people. Yet, who can I trust? My husband has been feeling very black today because of attacks in our area on disabled people - pushing them out of their wheelchairs and robbing them. We have had our car vandalised also and we have our suspicions as to why. All of this is too much to bear right now. This is abuse of disabled, sick and vulnerable people. How does one cope? I am at my wits end right now. Want some good news, not news about how bad people are and how society is so bad. That post really got to me. Sorry.

There is nothing to be sorry about. I think you are a wonderful person and I don't mind listening at all. I know that if I explained all the stuff going on in my life, the vast majority of people would consider me a walking disaster. Just this morning and the middle of the night, woke up & couldn't sleep, I was feeling glum about the same thing. Being vulnerable and taken advantage of is not pleasant. I had my spurt during the night of being angry and deeply hurt over this very issue. Some days it seems to be a struggle just to breath air, never mind fight for better things in life like... safety & decent healthcare. I`m not sure what really to say other than I don`t mind listening and I get much of what you`ve said. It isn`t easy and I`m here to listen. Feeling alone and isolated and suffering in silence isn`t a good position to be in.

 

[tracey697]

Emotional walls are built up around me and it takes a special someone to bring them down.

 

[Colleen1]

Emotional walls are built up around me and it takes a special someone to bring them down.

I hear you. For me it`s important they display trustworthy characteristics.

 

[Philothei]

Mod hat on
Thread is closed for review.
Mod hat off​

 

[Criada]

Mod Hat On​

This thread has been cleaned up and re-opened.
It's a support thread, folks, please focus on supporting the OP rather than bickering.
Thanks

Mod Hat Off​

 

[Colleen1]

Today I had several phone calls and dealings with people from all sorts of places dealing with all sorts of issues and some of these issues pretty heavy. Not all of these people were easy to deal with. Something that came to mind because of this was the issue of how to deal with difficult people concerning sensitive issues that leave me feeling vulnerable. The truth is that I will have to be vulnerable with people that may not be trustworthy and this is a difficult position to be in. For myself it's important that I can deal with these people well and the issues effectively and walk away with some self esteem in tact. This isn't always easy especially considering I'm down right fatigued many times because even conversations can be wearing. I was wondering if any one had any tricks for managing things well when we are in the thick of it and, let's just say exhausted.